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I have been reading these boards a long time and have posted a few times back when banker and a few others were on here.Well I justed wanted to share my thoughts and experiences thus far on all this. I was addicted to hydrocodone alot of it too 400mgs a day plus and then went on sub well the doc left me on the sub for over a year and yes i felt much better but needed off the sub and didnt feel like i could get off it alone and also was a big benzo user well i just couldnt do it on my own soI went to treatment Betty Ford and them getting me off of sub I was on 24mgs a day alot well within 8 days i was off it tapered and clonodine and valium and had about 4-5 days of feeling kinda bad not unbearable anyways learned about the 12 step way and came home and didnt use it. Relapsed for 2-3 weeks and used the sub again for about 3-4 weeks and got off very little trouble but was attending meetings everyday and still am. Now my point of this is to hopefully help another opiade addicted person on here that the NA/AA way works I hated it at first but now 1 month later I cannot wait to go everyday alchohol wasnt my thing but that doesnt matter to me i have been able to except the fact any chemical for me is NO GOOD :wave: and I feel better now than I did when i came out of treatment and imagine my wife kinda likes me again and am even starting to like myself.
I know some people here dont like the meeting idea and that is ok If this helps even one person it was worth it.We cannot do this on selfwill alone we need help and you can find that help just pray for it. :angel:
I pray for everyone on this board alot and wish everyone the best and if i can be of some help just let me know i have a ton of SUB experience.
D
Hey dschne, :wave:

I'll second BeginAgains Amen. I too love the 12 step program. Mine is CA - Cocaine Anonymous. We use the AA Big Book and of course AA/NA/CA are basically the same. I love meetings and the unconditional acceptance as an addict that I get there. It is/was uncomfortable going in the beginning. But I looked at it like starting to a new school or first days in college. You may not know anyone when you get there, but will make friends soon.

It's almost like my safe haven. If I've had a bad day it never fails that I hear something in the meeting that applies to me or makes me know that everything will be okay. I'm not alone..... Hope to see you around some more. Congrats and keep coming back.
[QUOTE=dschne]I have been reading these boards a long time and have posted a few times back when banker and a few others were on here.Well I justed wanted to share my thoughts and experiences thus far on all this. I was addicted to hydrocodone alot of it too 400mgs a day plus and then went on sub well the doc left me on the sub for over a year and yes i felt much better but needed off the sub and didnt feel like i could get off it alone and also was a big benzo user well i just couldnt do it on my own soI went to treatment Betty Ford and them getting me off of sub I was on 24mgs a day alot well within 8 days i was off it tapered and clonodine and valium and had about 4-5 days of feeling kinda bad not unbearable anyways learned about the 12 step way and came home and didnt use it. Relapsed for 2-3 weeks and used the sub again for about 3-4 weeks and got off very little trouble but was attending meetings everyday and still am. Now my point of this is to hopefully help another opiade addicted person on here that the NA/AA way works I hated it at first but now 1 month later I cannot wait to go everyday alchohol wasnt my thing but that doesnt matter to me i have been able to except the fact any chemical for me is NO GOOD :wave: and I feel better now than I did when i came out of treatment and imagine my wife kinda likes me again and am even starting to like myself.
I know some people here dont like the meeting idea and that is ok If this helps even one person it was worth it.We cannot do this on selfwill alone we need help and you can find that help just pray for it. :angel:
I pray for everyone on this board alot and wish everyone the best and if i can be of some help just let me know i have a ton of SUB experience.
D[/QUOTE]

Congrats, I noticed that you were taking benzos also.
I recently got clean of the pain meds but had bad anxiety, my dr put me on Klonopin, he rxed me 1mg 2 times a day, I have never taken that amount. I'm currently taking about .5mg a day ".25 x 2", my problem is that i seem to not get below that amount. I want off of this last thing ASAP, Can you or anyone help, Kev
I want to thank you so much for posting this. I know it may sound so simple to some, but the whole "12 step idea" has been something I've been so dead-set against for a long time. I've been abusing pain meds. off and on for nearly 4 yrs. now (I've stopped for a few months here and there- the longest being 10 mos. off since I first started taking them), but I'm just now finally "getting it". I'm now realizing that it's going to take more than my "will power" (actually, something I do not have much of...one of the many reasons I'm constantly relapsing) to stay away from the pills for good. It's kind of ironic that I came across this post of yours today, as it's about the 3rd time today that I've been "confronted" with the 12 steps and the AA/NA program...I'm really thinking it's a sign for me. I'm going to actively seek out more information on meetings and/or some type of program that I can get involved in. I never thought I would actually admit this, or WANT this...but to be free of this addiction is so very, very important to me- and I'm at a point where I need to be more proactive in my recovery. My mentality up to this point has been that once I'm not abusing pills, I can just pretend it never happened and ignore it...thinking that would make the whole ordeal "go away". I now realize how very wrong I have been.

Anyway, I'm just rambling away here- but had to express my deep gratitude and appreciation to you for sharing this. I can tell you right now that you have definitely helped me (so there is your one person- lol), but I can guarantee that I'm not the only one that your message of encouragement and hope will help.

One thing I do want to selfishlessly ask of you and anyone else out there willing- please pray for me in that I can find the strength to actually do this and not just talk about it. I'm so tired of making promises to myself and not keeping them. I consider myself a religious person, but I've fallen into a place where I'm finding it hard to pray and/or talk with God as I still struggle with guilt and shame over all of this.

Thank you again and congratulations on all of your hard work, determination, strength, and well-deserved sobriety.
This thread is such an inspiration. You have all taken major steps toward living life intoxicant free. I was clean six days before my first meeting and felt like I didn't know a thing about a thing. Everything was SO scary, and I felt like such a bonehead. I didn't want to think I had a problem, I was just going to appease those around me. Afterall, I had five days, that meant I wasn't an addict, right? UGH, boy did I have a lot to learn. Luckily, the woman I was meeting there, at the first meeting told me she'd be my sponsor, that meeting would be my home group, and "you're going to pick up a white chip." I didn't even know what all that meant, but I was so scared and lonely that I did everything she said to do. And today I am clean 71 days today because I am still doing the things she suggests.

Life is so much better because when I do feel like using, like last night, I can talk it out with others who don't think I'm nuts. Old habits are hard to break, and turning to drugs or alcohol to numb the pain of life (which we addicts tend to exaggerate) is a habit created by our disease.

To dchne, congrats on your 33 days, I felt great at that stage. And even though I felt like using last night, as I posted here on these boards, I didn't, and I feel even better today.

To princess, first congratulations on being able to recognize the signs you are being sent to try AA/NA. I always knew the signs were there, but chose to ignore them. Like on nights I got high, the next day would suck, on nights I didn't the next day was good. Black and white, right there for me to see, but on Friday night, it didn't matter if saturday sucked, cause I could just keep using until the $$$ ran out. By then it was Sunday, and I'd go to bed early, and Monday would be okay. You should give AA/NA a shot. They are both based on the twelve steps, and hey, if you decide it's not for you, then it's not. But knowing it is out there and has saved so many, you deserve to give yourself the chance to decide. It is so nice to go into a room, be able to say that you are ashamed, and NOBODY in there judges you. Instead they offer you coffee.

To rk33, for getting off the Klonopin, have you tried any herbal supplements for calming the nerves? I take calcium, magnesium, and melatonin. There are also herbal supplements for sleep, such as valerian root. You are on a relatively small dosage of Klonopin, Try an herbal tea with chamomile, too. See if any of these things helps you reduce it to .25 a day. Then whatever works, use it instead. I haven't seen anyone here because they're addicted to melatonin or chamomile, so if you become dependant on that, it's no big deal. :D Your dependence upon them may be mental. (I am no dr, but I don't think you are taking enough to have a physical dependence. ) If you are an addict, it could be your disease not letting you shut the door completely. You've come so far go ahead and take that last step. Congrats, good luck, and keep us posted!!
Hey ggrl yes I remeber you and am very glad you remeber me I think I was jst starting the SUB when I came to these boards.Well it seemed like abot 1.5 to 2 yrs I was on the SUB and I also abused it was suppose to be on 8mg a day was taking up to 3 of those orange 8mg a day along with 2-3 10mg ambien and 4mg xanax every night talk about messed up and insanity THATS INSANITY at its finest.Olmost lost my beautiful wife fabulous little 8yr old girl big fancy home,dog,job you know the drill but by the grace of god and a little pushing by my wife and mom I ended up in the california desrt at betty ford center. It took olmost 2 weeks of them gently weaning me off the SUB they used bupanorphin and valium,and something else to get me off all the drugs i was on and when I was off everything I really didnt feel to bad just a some minor opiate stuff sneezing cold etc for about 3 days and BOY was I a winey baby those 3 days I am sure ya/ll know what I mean.
Then after 30 very HOT long days in palm springs I got to go home to houston and Guess what everything they told me to do like go to meatings everyday get a sponsor call my alumni contact read and pray ...do you think i did any of that NOPE....not even one thing and within 3-4 weeks had relapsed back on the hydro after all that SUB for 2yrs and a rehab center right back where i started and to boot was subject to random testing at work now for a year INSANE HUH! even did some coke thinking it would get me off the hydro,s UGGGH SICK SICK THINKING. Anyways went to a new sub doc who is 22yrs sober he put me on the 2mg pills and i started attending AA meetings didnt like the NA too much younger crowd and not alot of clean time there and told my wife i would do 90 meetings in 90 days other wise she was going to leave me oh and also became addicted to internet gambling lost tons of money,so went to my meetings and hated the first 3-4 times then something started to happen I started to like them started to feel like a whole person a good kind loving big ol teddy bear that I really am also asked this old guy to be my sponsor and he said yes and he is awsome. So today I can say I am chemically free and havent felt this good in i dont know how long.I see my wife differently I can be nice to her just becouse not becouse I lied to her and am covering something up and the joy my daughter brings now unexplainable, the blessings that I still have my life and my family i will not trade for anything in this world.
My life today living with the stigma That I am an addict/alchoholic is just fine with me because I am a good loving man and god loved me when i was using and he still does.I am so glad to see you are doing well and hope others on this board find what will make them free of this AWFUL STUFF that we have all discovered that has destroyed so much inside of us and all of our loved ones.Its a great day today to be free.... ;) ;)





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