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Addiction & Recovery Message Board


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thanks kelley
For the post and story.I so sorry that it didnt work for you ethier.Was you in w/ds good when you got on the sub? I have heard a few story about people haveing this kind of reaction.But,these were the one that were not in w.ds good.then like you say you could just be allergic to it.I have a good friend i met from the another recovery board and she went and see my doctor .She came back home and called said crystal this isnt for me for about 2 weeks she was sick dizzy,nasua, has throwed up a few also.i kept telling her hang in thier.Also, she took alot more than she need and finally got her does right and now shes doing good.I have another friend that i sent as well.She went kept sitting thier saying its not working and took up to 4 tablets.he told her that was all she should take in a day.She tried it for 5 days and call me after the fifth day .She had take like 30 in the 5 days.She said im just use to feeling that high feeling.She said it help get her out of w/ds but,it wasnt for her.So, she was wanting to go on methodone.Which is something i checked into before sub. i read some bad things about it and comeing off of it was worst then the pain pills is what i read.To be truthful which i try to be im on mediciad just got on it.I dont have insurance and i have spent all our money and im not working now.I dont feel i could hold a job right now.So,we are stuggling to get by .We were doing so great and i screwed it up.I do plan of finding a doctor that treats deprestion.my doctor has put my on a few and they didnt help.I will never take prozac every again.i felt like i was going to kill myself.Im scared of the depresstion meds. now.But,im going to try something diff. My mom died of cancer in april 2004 and i took care of her for 4 years sick .then they said in jan, there was no hope so wouldnt live 2 months .So i moved her in my home and i took care of her until she passed.it has really affected me ....I wonder if i will ever get over it.The things i seen and it was a slowwww horrible death.I had to do things i didnt think i could of have ever done .Hospice was in charge of meds.thats all they did for me.I about did this by myself.i was so scared and scared for her and kept telling her she would get better.
I started getting pills for back problems and nerve damage in right leg.i was takeing them right in the first year ...I was takeing them before mom got sick.. .We found out mom had cancer and i really was useing them for energy in the beging .I was takeing her 5 days week for treatment and then going to work as soon as i could get thier for about two years,id get off work 10pm and home by 11pm ..Right back up at 6 am to get my girls off to schooll...She suposely went into remestion.So,i woke up one day out of pills and relized i was hooked....Then not long after mom went back for six week check up and they said it was back.it was the same thing all over again and i relized then she wasnt going to make it.I started useing to knum and block out things my problem and feelings .I had none... .I been knum for so long ,When i got on sub. i thought great the depresstion is gone.Then 2 months later it hits me again.Its hit me really hard.Sorry for going into all this but,it something i think about every night and stay up until 3 or 4 am in the mornings.I have 3 brothers no help for them.We are not really a family anymore.They live a diff. life style then i do.I wouldnt of thought any of this would happen to me but, it did.I thought it was all over and its not..the .Deprestion is so BAD at times ....I can only remember the bad things about mom here at my home suffering.I sat by her side 24/7 in my recliner.i stay awake about the hole 3 and a half months .i took so many pain pills im luckey to still be hear.the hospice came out head manger begging me to let her go into nursering home or hospice home in macon.i told them no if they didnt like it leave.So, i call as we need the medicine.I was so wore out and i really dont think i could of made it another week.I was praying for GOD to take my mom she had suffer slow and horrible...Everyone says they dont know how i did it.I promised mom i wouldnt put her anywhere.I meant it.I didnt deal with her death until one year.I didnt even cry when i jump up and seen she wasnt breathing or at the furnel.People kept saying you are doing good girl you are strong....I had it in my head she was on vacation somewhere ,onewday it hit me she wasnt comeing back.I have suffered since.....Everyone kept saying Gods going to Bless you crystal.Ive been waiting on my blessing for along time now.I so sorry to carry on like this.Probley want be the last time if im on here and its really late.I dream about it so and i cant sleep for seeing a rerun of it all.So,i dont mind you running on it helps to here am not alone.Thank you kelly





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