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Well, I called my long time doctor (who is an internist) and explained to him the situation. He was very understanding and told me that I'm cutting my dose way too quick. I said that I was having severe anxiety and on the verge of a panic attack at all times. Several years ago (around 2002), I was diagnosed with mild panic disorder when I was freaking myself out trying to maintain a 4.0 GPA in college. I still do have a 4.0 GPA, but had to drop out of college because I was going through fertility treatments and my fertility specialist didn't want *any* stress on me that would cause me to have a panic attack .... you can't take Xanax when you're pregnant. My regular doctor only gave me a script for 20 pills and I still have 4 left from all those years ago. When I talked to him today, he told me that it's fine to take one of them now, even though they are so old, just to get over the anxiety. He's calling in a "fresh" script now for me.

I think the reason I was so resistant to call my doctor was that I didn't want to be labeled an addict (no offense to ANYONE that is, seriously). I didn't want to call my pain management doctor because I'm tired of getting the procedures that don't seem to work, AND I'm tired of all the pain meds .... both of which seem to be his answer for everything. They aren't working anymore and I do NOT want to become an addict by increasing my dose and taking them more frequently. I want another baby so badly and I need to be in the best possible shape for my son.

Anyway, my primary doctor told me that I am just cutting them back too quickly and I need some help to get over the anxiety, especially since I'm prone to it anyway. I told him that I was afraid he'd be disappointed in me (I have an extremely long history with him, not addiction or anything, but serious health issues I've had and he literally saved my mother's life by diagnosing an extremely rare and heriditary disease that can be fatal which dozens of other doctors couldn't diagnose). He said even if you take pain meds as they've been prescribed for any length of time over a month or two, your body needs time to realize that it doesn't need it anymore and that doesn't mean I'm an addict. If he was here right now, I'd kiss him. :) Suddenly, my anxiety level is cut in half ... which is what I've always known ... I can make myself have an anxiety attack just by dwelling on my fears.

Thank you guys for helping me see that there is no shame. I hope you don't mind if I come back if I need to with more questions. Thanks again.
Well, I tried to hold off on the Xanax until tonight, but I almost had a panic attack. I don't like crying in front of my baby boy, so my husband told me I *needed* the Xanax, so just take it. After about 40 minutes, I started panicking again because it seemed to be not helping AT ALL. Sure enough, at 45 minutes almost to the dot, it kicked in hard and I have almost no anxiety. I'm pretty sure it's a low dose too (.25), so I'm happy that I have this much relief from that small a dose. I've only taken one 7.5 mgs. Percocet today, and other than the severe anxiety and restlessness, I'm doing good. The pain, however, is not doing well at all. Right now I have a lidacain patch on my lower back, and it's doing a LITTLE, but not enough really. It just sucks because I think I'm stressing over the pain more than anything. I'm not craving Percocet at all and still have quite a bit of it (as well as the two scripts for Oxycontin and more Percocet that I haven't filled yet). Thanks for all your support. It truly means a lot to me.





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