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ICEHOUSE/BRIDGETMARK:
Don't get down. The first time I tried to self detox from benzo's almost two years ago, I went about six weeks and then jumped down in the hole again...a much deeper hole. I started using like crazy...driving very heavily influenced...no one could tell me I wasn't sober...no one could tell me anything. Everyone knew I was addicted but me.

The thing I discovered with coming off the hydro's is that when the euphoria, that wonderful sense of well-being and that all's right with the worldfelling, and problems fade away...when all that went away...and the anxiety started...then the body aches and flu-like symptoms...the cravings kicked in and I wanted to make all that discomfort go away...so I reached for the pills. My problem (advantage) is that I had no pills to reach for. I was out. Nothing. No where to get more for days. So I decided to go c/t.

That's when I found this site. I started following the OTC remedies for home detox that are posted elsewhere on this board. I'm not going to lie to you and say that they're magic, but they do help to certain degrees...I guess depending on your level of dependence. But they help!!!

I started last Sunday night...took my last 3 10/325's...and then nothing for six days. I cried. I didn't sleep. My whole body ached. My head ached. If there had been people around, they wouldn't have stayed for long. The next day, I'm sorry to say was worse. I felt like going to the hospital and checking in witht the flu, but I knew they'd check my blood and I'd wind up in in-patient detox. The next day was about the same. But then I started feeling better. Not good, just better. I ate a little bit (soup and yogurt, stuff like that). Then I started walking around the house, in circles. I have a dog, so I had to take her outside every once in a while to do her business. I guess, it helped some to have to take care of her needs. I kept drinking lots of club soda (my drink of choice) - like 4 cases in a week. I watched a store-load of DVDs.

I called in sick as many days as I could with the flu going around. No one questioned my illness because I lost my voice and sounded sick. The next day was better...not great, just better. I've heard, depending on how many tabs you use a day and for how long that days 2-4 or 3-5 can be the worst. For me it was days 2, 3, & 4, then I started to feel some better.

I'm telling you, its' been a long week. Posting every night, sometimes a couple of times a day has helped because somebody always responded with encouragement. I've done the NA/AA thing and wouldn't knock it for the world. They have worked miracles. But for me, this Board has been my NA.

It's late day 6 and I feel like I used to feel after high school football practice after the first day in full pads. I'm sore, worn out, achey, but not miserable. I ache, but I'm not sick like with the flu.

I'm going to work tomorrow, and I know it'll be a long day...hard in a lot of ways. But it's day 7 and every day after will be better.

Icehouse...give it another try. Try not to to give up when you feel like Hell. IT WILL GET BETTER. BUT DETOX AND WD IS NOT MICROWAVE COOKING, IT IS CROCKPOT SLOW. BridgetMark, you hang with it too. It only takes a week or so to feel good again...without the drugs. And in the immortal words of my new best e-friend, YOU GET LIFE BACK DRUG FREE. That's a pretty good gift to give yourself.

Think about it this way: People like me who are 40 pounds overweight have months of sweat and work to well get well from being overweight. You can have what you want and be clean in a week or so. We're here for you.
Bridg,it is great that you got out to walk!!! You need to try and exercise 20-30 min daily minimum...walk, walk, walk...even if just around the house. It WILL help...it kicks in your endorphins. Unfortunately the side effect of taking painkillers long term is it causes your body's sensories to sense there is an external supply so your own natural endorphin factory goes into snooze mode....when you stop the external supply...wham....WDs are the result. Your body will re-regulate itself again, it is designed to, but it takes time...meanwhile for 5-7 days you have WDs through the worst of it....then it gets better...the more you exercise the more quickly it will get better and stablize....it is not rocket science...just the science of how the ole body works;) Substance abuse of any type substantially depletes the body of its nutrients so that is where the nutrient supplements come in. Nothing completely eliminates WDs, but nutrient supplements and exercise will help....usually a lot for most people....it is priming the pump to get your factory back working for you again. And, remember keep yourself well hydrated.

Ice, the next couple of days are gonna be rough, so hang in there.

By this time next week y'all are gonna be feeling sooooooooooo much better....clearer thinking to set new goals, make new plans, ENJOY life!!!! Freedom from that drug demon that took up residence in YOUR body!!!! Once get his sorry a** OUT ...keep him out.....visual imagery....KEEP OUT...GUARD DOG ON DUTY!!!! After my detox mostly to help with my depression I bought some of those tiny $5 hand size stuffed dogs and put them around as visual reminders for me. I then saw a special on Winston Churchill and learned he suffered from depression ...he called it "The Blackdog"....I then bought 2 HUGE stuffed dogs, named em Winnie I and WinnieII, one for my sofa and one for upstairs on the bed...they are there to help keep "The Blackdog" away....it sounds stupid I know but has helped me. I love snuggling with em where I use them for body pillows to help cope with my backpain........and they are just as cute as hell....tan floppy wrinkle dogs about 3'...found em at Big Lots for $30 ea, LOL. So, ya just have to allow yourself to be alternative thinking and find whatever works for you is right for you!!!
Trampy, I had actually quit ct about three weeks ago from about 30 7.5's a day and went through the real withdrawals then. I slipped and started using again when I found out my dad was dying, but I never got back up to that kind of level, nor did I use more than 3 days in a row, so I think that's why my wd's weren't so bad this time. I realized using the pills wasn't helping me cope with my dad's issue at all, I was just avoiding it. Thanks for all the info. jam, I did talk to my hubby about it, and he said to just take my anti-d, that in about 1 or 2 days I'll notice a difference and not risk having too much of anything in me. He said it's amazing how the body responds and figures things out on its own, and he's right. Just think how long we were all using, and though the week seems long, it's really nothing compared to our using time. Well, gotta go get my oldest from school, and pick the rest up from the sitters. I"ll try to post later tonight after they're all in bed. Hope to hear from you by then Ice!
Bridget:
The mental stuff. I don't know if I'd call it the next step/obstacle, but it is a hurdle. I think a part of what makes the mental something you need to over come is how easy it was, once you took the pills to feel that everything is OK. "Not enough money to pay the light bill?" No problem. "Co-worker trying to screw you over on the job?" Take a pill, no worries. "Anxious about....whatever" A couple or three hydros later, who the heck cares.

When you come off the euphoria of the pills, then you really have to deal with all that stuff and it's not easy to make it all go away just by "not thinking about it." Now we have to deal with real life. Now we have to face the "Sweet Old Boy" who's always on my rear about something.

I think Jam is right. Therapy helps. I saw a good, psych - a man of faith - who prescribed meds only when he really thought it necessary. I was a patient for six months of "talk therapy" before we MUTUALLY decided that an antidepressent wasn't a bad thing to try. It worked after adjusting the dose over a brief time.

I also I had a big problem that went along with my restless legs syndrome that helped me into my first addiction: Anxiety...which greatly contributed to the addiction of my drug of first choice back then ...benzodiazepenes: restorill, halcion valium, ativan, klonipin, librium, xanax...all those medicines from hell. That was my first detox. "Tranquilizers, sleeping pills, stress meds," they're called. Yeah, they calm. Use them and feel good for a length of time, then try the wds from those. I quit those c/t and I did not sleep at all...literally for nine days coming off benzos.

There are other meds, non-addictive meds, with mild side effects of anti-anxiety. I take one used to treat epilepsy that has a side effect in that it mildly helps with the panic attacks and anxiety.

I WOULD NOT NOW TAKE ANY MEDICINE FROM ANY DOCTOR EVER WITHOUT FIRST THOROUGHLY RESEARCHING ALL EFFECTS AND SIDE EFFECTS IN PDR'S, ON THE INTERNET, TRUSTED DOCTORS, AND FORMER ADDICTS. That's partly how I wound up deep in benzo hell. I figured, "He's the doctor." With patient loads today, you can't assume your doc is on top of your health. You have to take charge yourself.

Another biggie that Jam has mentioned on at least of couple of occasions is exercise which makes your body produce it's own kind of natural feel good "drug," endorphins. You can't underestimate the value of what your body can do for itself. Get in a good workout regularly and your body will stop sending signals to your brain, "Boy, I sure could use a pill right now." Your body will take care of that need itself by making those endorphins when you regularly exercise. I PROMISE.

Every addict has issues and reasons we turn to drugs once the pain is gone. Usually it's to escape some kind of mental, psychological, or emotiona pain. Believe me, taking a pill is heck of a lot easier than 30 minutes on a stairmaster. But look what you buy yourself with the convenience of pill taking.

Figure out what else may be hurting besides the pain in your body and maybe the mental cravings will diminish as well.

I'm no expert. I do know that long after I recovered from the pain of my blown calf muscle a few months back that led the doc to presribe the hydro,
I found "rationalized" mental reasons why it was OK for me to still use. "It helped me sleep. It helps my restless legs. It helps the lonliness I feel coming home to an empty house every night."

An addict doesn't need much of a mental excuse to use. We need to remember the pain that using causes. The only hydro I will ever take over which I have any control is the first one. Say no to the first one every time and you'll not get on the slippery slope of addiction again. The only pill I might take that I have any control over is the first one

Sorry. That's my sermon for this Tuesday night. You're doing great. Hang in there. Find a good AA/NA group. Even though I am a drug addict, I chose to attend AA meetings in my last town. The NA groups I visited - all good people trying to stay straight and sober - I just found to be a little "rougher" crowd than this preacher was used to being around. The AA group I made my home group - was closed (open only to recovering alcoholics & addicts - no visitors/non-users), non-smoking, met in a church, and was just a better fit for me. If you start looking for a group, visit serveral. There's one out there that fits everyone.

Good luck Bridget, Ice, and all you other newbies like me. Hang in there and work your program.

"You can dooo eeeet!"





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