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Addiction & Recovery Message Board

Addiction & Recovery Board Index

Hello Ethos987,

You are so real and that in itself is a strength.

Bitterness is a empty emotion that drains you and gives nothing in return. Try anger, I don't know about others but it brings out the fight in me.

I don't know anything about AA or NA or it's members other then what I have read on this board. I have read their creed and it seems to work for some and not for others. I don't use any one specific method to detox or stay clean. I research any and all information about addiction and recovery and I utilize what is right for me and the rest I discard.

I don't really get into the technical properties of addiction, such as how the drugs effect our brains, destroys our livers and so forth because that information or the knowledge of it did not stop me from using.

What made me quit was the lack of control I had over my existance. I just could not accept the fact that something enslaved me so completely, even when the love affair was over.

I knew I could not fight my demon with persuasive reasoning or calculated fight plans, is not in my nature.

I am more of street fighter like Rocky then a polished heavy weight contender like Ali. I use raw determination and guts to make it though each minute without using.

Oh, I tried to side steps the suffering by going on Wellbrutin Xl so that I could get aroud the depression that I knew would come but, back fired. The wellbrutin did not mix with my diabetes meds and now I am in full withdrawal from the Wellbrutin. This is after three weeks of detoxing and withdrawls from the other drugs. I was happy, smiling and even laughing again when the med interaction occured. You talk about bitter! Now, I am once again fighting for my life because once again this little voice keeps saying " one or two pills every couple of houres will a least give me a at least reasonable facimile of happiness for a little while".

I can no longer accept a facimile of happiness or false pleasure. I want the real thing baby even if it does include pain, unhappiness, worry, stress, anxiety and yes, sobriety.

I kept quitting and starting again and quitting and starting again but the entire time, I kept comimg back to this board. I never responded or posted back then, but I read and re-read eveything single post and it kept my hopes for my recovery alive.

Know, I post and hope I can reach out and help someone else.

Don't judge yourself so harsely, there are not many of us that quit and never used again, and again and again.

Don't be bitter, what you are going through is perfectly normal and is all part of the recovery process.

If you must take a drink, then take it but, before you do remember this.

The power of life and death are in the tongue, don't relishish your power by talking death into your own life.

Only we control how we are going to live the only life that we have.

Try not to take that drink, more day.

luv ya'

There ain't nothing to it but, to do it.

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