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Addiction & Recovery Message Board

Addiction & Recovery Board Index

Thank you, Kim,

I haven't slept a wink all night. I did really well all day yesterday. . .like you said keeping occupied mostly with TV. I rarely watch TV and now I know why! (We don't have cable or anything like that). Dragon tales was about the best thing I saw. LOL Now I wish I'd spent the time cleaning, but I don't know if I felt well enough. The night has been rough. I hate not sleeping which is why I got on benzos to begin with, but I really don't want to take anything unless it's a last resort. I've taken all the Valerian I can stand for now :eek: and also taking 5HTP. I don't think I'm supposed to take benadryl with the benzo w/d. I read that a couple of places I think? I went through a bout of depression around 3:00 that lastest till just a bit ago. I started reading my own book. LOL That may sound conceited, but the book is called Journey Out of Darkness. . . about how I came out of the drug culture of the '70s. I read it once in a while to remind me where I've been and how good the Lord is. It took me 5 years to get clean then; this is a walk in the park compared to that. Of course, reading it tonight maybe wasn't the best idea. It brought back memories of feeling this way some nights, but I never thought of it as withdrawal. I usual got something to get high on, I guess before it got too bad. Or maybe I never stuck with one thing long enough to get hooked. I took lots of PCP, qualaades (we used to called them soapers or 714s), basically anything I could get my hands on. This went on for 10/12 years from about age 12/13 to 23. Funny, I did morphine once and felt so nauseated; I never was interested in opiates except to smoke opium once in a while. Was hydro and oxy around in the 70s? I don't remember hearing about them.

Then I didn't take anything, even aspirin until 2 years ago. My very legitimate back pain seemed to get worse plus stressful situation at home and a friend said, "here try one of these; they work pretty good." 1/2 of a Lortab 5 once a day and you know the rest of the story. I guess it was so easy because this time it was "legit." Soon after that came hurricane Charley and the pills helped me get through that mess which probably is true seeing as we needed to crawl over blown down oak and pine trees ever time we wanted to go to the street and haul water and ice for us and our aging landlords. (We all live in the country).

I want to say this next part without making you feel bad because I know everyone is different, but so far, I have not had one craving for a pill, and I can honestly say that. I am very thankful and know that is God, not me. Maybe what I went through 25 years ago was so painful that it helped me in that way. However, I also know that I was taking the pills for more than physical pain relief and I like your idea about letting someone else hand them out. I just can't believe that after all that, I let myself slip back into the same old pot of soup~just a different flavor. insidious Well, I know I can't beat myself up over that or dwell on it too much.

Scrapbooking yeah. . and all those closets. . why didn't I think of that yesterday instead of watching Clifford the Big Red Dog. Oh well there's always tomorrow which is now today. .

DH should be reaching his mom's house anytime, so I'd better get off line. It will be good to hear his voice.

wren and the cats

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