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Addiction & Recovery Message Board

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Hi kim, I appreciate your quick response. First of all I would like to wish you all the luck. Second, I threatend to leave him the last time. I feel like I cant do that because I know how much My children and myself need and love him. I havent even spoken to him since his relapse. He is still sleeping it off. I am praying that he will seek help and admit that he has a problem. I just dont understand the mind frame. I am such a controlled person I dont understand how you can actually make the disicion of doing this when knowing he will hurt his whole family (parents and siblings included) He is a man that grew up with so much love around him. His children know nothing about his addictions (for now) I spent all night wondering how can I plan a funeral now? How can I be a widow at such a young age? How will my children know what a great father they had. Thank G-d he returned to his parents home today. I guess I have to wait and see what he has to say. Hopefully he will seek help. As for me, I dont know if I need to turn my back at him. I am afraid if he loses us than he will just get worse. Is it better to be there for the person or not?
[QUOTE=Taly] Do addicts know what they are doing at all times or is it a disease where they are truely not in control of their actions?
[COLOR=DarkSlateBlue]Though the choice was theirs to ever start using drugs, the drugs finally do take over all reasoning and common sense. My husband is a meth user and what I call a "Garbage Junky" meaning he will take anything. Crack, painkillers, Meth, alcohol. Anything to not feel and deal with life. I don't ever think he meant to get to that point. He has been in rehab once and now needs to go again. I spent 3 days there learning what addiction was. It is a disease. The person who is addicted, cannot cure the disease by themselves. But more than that, the person who is living with the addict also has a disease. I was what they call an "enabler." I hid the fact from others that there is something wrong. I have walked with him and not done anything to change what I was doing to help him or myself. I now have anxiety attacks, weight problems, and a number of assorted problems because of his (and my father's) addictions. I found, through a test, that I am sometimes sicker than he is. All because I have tried to make his life better and in the process hurt mine. [/COLOR]

I cannot imagine him ever wanting to hurt his family.

[COLOR=DarkSlateBlue]He doesn't. Not intentionally. The drug is what is hurting you and him.[/COLOR]
We are his whole world.

[COLOR=DarkSlateBlue]No you are not. The drugs are.[/COLOR]

I just cannot understand how and why?

[COLOR=DarkSlateBlue]You need to learn what addiction really is to understand it. This is not a choice of whether to use. When the drug is calling to them for days on end, it will eventually win. He needs help to overcome this "call."[/COLOR]

To answer the above question, yes his whole family (parents and siblings) are very much involved in all of this. They are devistated and are filled with fear. Again, he has all the support and all the love in the world.
[COLOR=DarkSlateBlue]That is good that they will help. Have you ever thought of an [B]Intervention[/B]? You and his family can get it all arranged and give him the chance to get the help he needs.[/COLOR]

I just cant understand why he cannot love himself.

[COLOR=DarkSlateBlue]It is a strange thing to see someone destroying themselves when you love them so much. My husband is the same way. He has it in his mind that he is not good enough, that he is unloveable. All so far from the truth. But see that is what keeps them in a place where they will use. [/COLOR]

I will try to get him therapy and talk him into getting further help. I know that if that doesnt work than I will have to let him do this on his own. I cannot and will not let my children grow up with fears. I will not let them be victims. They are too innocent to have hurt and pain fill their lives. I hope he will understand this too.[/QUOTE]

[COLOR=DarkSlateBlue]Therapy will not work alone. He needs to get some intense help that only a rehab facility can do. He needs to detox and to talk about what caused him to use in the first place. You need to go too, so that you can understand what you are up against. If they don't offer an familiy inpatient (3 days) then find a Narcodics Annonymous. That will give you some place to talk and help yourself to recover from this also. You are addicted too, in away. To your husband. You need to get help to cope and find strength, in case you need to make tough decisions ahead.

I wish you peace and hope through this tough time. It is in my higher power that I am finding mine!

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