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Addiction & Recovery Message Board

Addiction & Recovery Board Index

On that road again
Nov 16, 2006
well im now up to ten norcos a day and i feel my body breaking down. i've quit before,cold turkey, but the memories of those withdrawels are imbedded in my head and are making my heart beat faster just thinking about going through that again. but i know i have to stop. my life is falling apart. im afraid to ask for the time off from work cuz i broke down a year ago when i told my boss i needed to take time off to detox. so now if i go to her again shes gonna wonder why i just didnt stay off em for more than a month and probably fire me. and my boyfriend doesnt know, well i think hes got an idea but im not sure. he was very supportive of me the last time i got clean. i promised him that i wouldnt go back to the pills, but i did and here i am. we are supposed to be getting married soon but when he finds out that i failed, he wont be very understanding. its like the cry wolf story. after telling people enough times that you are going to quit for good, and then dont, they tend to lose faith in you. but can you blame them? i wouldnt wanna stay with me either. i drink a bottle of pepto a day and take a zantac with every dose of norco just to keep my stomach from exploding. i get dizzy constantly. last time i quit i took xanex and somas to help me sleep. and a hot bath about every hour. i had to change the sheets every couple hours from the sweat. the only way i got through it was by praying and smoking a lot of pot. it helped to take my mind off of the imaginary bugs crawling on my skin and helped get somewhat of an appetite at least to get nutrients in me. i need help. one bummer is that in the town i live in there is only one n.a. meeting a week and i dont have insurance to get in to a rehab detox program. im looking for suggestions or advice to mentally gear up for this journey i will have to face alone. im scared out of my mind. and on top of that, i suffer from major anxiety without the addiction. im on 200 mg of zoloft a day. someone, anyone, help me have the courage and strenght to take this battle on.

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