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First off, my family, my parents, bros and sisters say I am addicted to pot. I haven't smoked a joint in 9 months but that doesn't seem to matter to them. They blame my frequent job changes on my usage, I am in the car business and the business doesn't nuture long time employment. It is the norm to change dealerships, ask yourself, was the same salesman there that sold the car went you returned for service or to buy another. I have been smoking since I'm 18 and stopped when I was 42. I didn't stop because I didn't have the money. I stopped because I just thought, enough is enough. I rarely drink and have not substituted anything in it's place. I had no symptoms of physical addition as I had no ill effects after stopping, nor did I have any mental addiction signs as I didn't compulsively think about getting it or smoking it. Before stopping I would smoke approximately an ounce a month. It was never a gateway drug to me and I never "graduated" to anything else.

I have tried to convince my family that this isn't my problem. My problem goes way back to high school when I was molested by Catholic clergy in my high school when I was 14. Also my brother was killed in an accident in 1995 because I didn't pick him up as I said I would and he took alternate transportation and was killed. I carry an unreal amount of guilt over these two things and sometimes they get triggered by something(I wish Knew what that was, but I don't) that puts me it a whirlwind depression. Everyone says I'm in denial over my pot smoking. But I say they are wrong. They also say that the pot has destroyed by ability to recognize that as the cause. How could this be when I haven't touched a joint in 9 months? How can it be that I had no withdrawal symptoms? I believe my family is trying to subvert their own shame and pidgeon hole it to a tangible substance dependency issue which will relieve them of their own guilt. When I object to the label, chemically dependent on pot, they say that I am in denial and then when I object further, they say I have anger. Why won't they recognize that the sexual abuse during my early teens, I just came to grips recently in telling my family about this that I kept secret out of shame for almost 25 years, is so heavy on my conscious which has resulted in a social inadequacy in dealing with people in my current life and caused problems in my life. I don't like confrontation and tend to run from situations. Can anyone help me here?
[QUOTE=Blasterboy]I have a problem where I am often very too worried about what others think about me, my AA sponsor is always reminding me not to worry about others opinions and just live my life free from the thoughts of what I think others think……..

You seem almost "addicted" to your family’s opinion of you. One problem that POT does cause is paranoia, now it's not for me to suggest that it's something you’re suffering from as you haven't said anything directly to the tune of that, but I just wanted to let you know that that was how pot made me feel at many times. I would think that the whole world revolved around me and that people were always looking at me; gosh so many ways it affected me the paranoia, which I have to say it is a major symptom of POT abuse.

I think Pot’s an insidious drug; I would role out of bed and smoke a joint long before I would do so with Alcohol and yet it was Alcohol that brought me to my knees. I could go months without a joint, up to 6 at one point, but never could I do that with Alcohol; so my addiction was primarily to Alcohol; I don't think I would have come into sobriety for POT; certainly not at the age of 27 like I did for Alcohol; I wonder, did you use to smoke much more when younger? They reckon POT leaves long lasting Psychological effects if smoked for many years (main one been paranoia!)

I hope this all helps; it's a different perceptive on things; so I hope it doesn't cause you any offence. It’s just my take on things…….[/QUOTE]
No offense taken. I have also heard the "paranoia" thing and have had friends who didn't smoke as that was their experience. This was never my case. I decided to stop this past February as I received bad news from my doctor, that the testicular cancer that I was "cured" of 3 years ago had re-emerged. This news put me into a funk and I had no desire to smoke. I always smoked as other people I guess would unwind with a cocktail. In the car business, the days are long and energy packed. I would leave work with my adrenaline pumping and my mindgoing a 1,000 miles an hour and I smoked it too relax and drop my tachometer. To answer your question, I smoked more and better quality pot as I got older. What's weird is I don't think I would mind being addicted to pot. I have the funds to purchase it, have always been gainfully employed when I wanted to be and made big money. I can't remember if Pot ever affected me in a negative way. I know I had fun while I was stoned. My family believes it to be a drug and doesn;t differentiate between Coke or anything else. They have no experience with it, except to see it as the "evil" weed. I think there is a generation gap as far as Pot goes and my generation will never be able to convince my parents generation that Pot is a recreational drug. I personally never had a problem with physical or psychological withdrawal. I also stopped smoking as I was starting to see myself as a cliche. When I went to buy it, it would seem the dealers were getting younger, but in reality I was getting older. I was getting self conscious buying it. Like "here comes the old guy". I guess it was just time for me to stop. It was a good run. I'm almost positive that I will smoke again in the future and will visit Amsterdam again before I die and since the Dutch legalized it, I KNOW i will partake when I go back there. I love the Dutch people and their progressive attitudes. Cool people. I spoiled myself over the years as I would take a year or two off and travel the world. I lived in Brasil and Europe and have pretty much explored the whole world, but my family believes these times were spent wasting my life and say that my pot usuage made me make these bad choices. Bad choices to them, to me they were the best times of my life and I wouldn't change a thing.. I just got a huge job again and start Tuesday. The first thing that went thru my head was how long will I have to work there to save a nest egg to take a few years and go live back in Fortaleza, Brasil. Pretty crazy huh. I dare not tell anyone as they will think I'm whacked. I know that I live unconventionally. I have no material desires. I love the experience of life, I like thrills, I like the unexpected, I love learning about other cultures. I love languages. I have learned French, Spanish, Portuguese and Russian. I know I'm a bit of an oddball but what can I say.

I think you are right as I feel like I am addicted to my Dad and always trying to be the "perfect" son for him. Definetly a codependncy issue and that's one of the reasons I have sought out one on one counseling.

Thanks for sharing, it's always nice to get another perspective. Peace





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