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Addiction & Recovery Message Board

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[QUOTE=Sarandipity]How was I able to stop taking 20 vics a day? In my past, I had always "fixed" my emotions- good or bad- I was at the point in my pill popping career where I was not happy on the pills or off of them- and to be honest I could never just stop taking them cold turkey because it was too painful. I just prayed and asked God to direct me in what to say.... telling you how I got off the pills is not an easy thing to write down in a paragraph. It takes me at least an hour to talk about it. I went to a place in the Hill Country called Lahacienda. It is a 30 day rehab. I checked myself in because I had heard horror stories about people trying to get off vics. So I wanted to do it in a medical setting where it would not be as painful or dangerous. While I was there I heard everything they said- the 4 meetings a day, the counseling, other alcoholics and addict's testamonies. I heard everything. BUT.. it did not enter my heart. So I left there and stayed sober for a year. I was still the same Sara. Sure I was going to meetings but I did not get it. So after I relapsed I lost a 4 year relationship with the man I loved, at the same time that happened I was looking for a job and my company found out so they let me go- and a few other people I had not been truthful with about relapsing I had hurt very bad. I remember crying, I remember the moment of truth when I realized my life up until that point had been all about me. After all it had to be- I was dealt so many bad cards, I had been given the short end of the stick my entire life. (yeah right) you know ... the pity party made me do it!
You get it right? Because when I had finally hurt enough to where all of the things I heard in meetings and in rehab- I felt in my heart too- that's when I had the strengh to do something about it. So I detoxed at home, and did not change the way I treated people and the way I lived until three months after I got sober. I now have 8 months and I have friends now. People come to me because they can count on me! My family loves me! I cherish every moment with my children. Life is grand! I love without expecting to be loved in return. That is how I stopped taking 20 vics a day- it's God's will not mine. For instance there is a guy I just started seeing. I like him a lot. I want to spend time with him. But I prayed, "Lord, if it is not in your will for me to see this person, please let our friendship end now." I don't want to... but I know it's God choice not mine. And it works! I love to wake up everyday and some days I'm tired but I promise you, after 6 months I was smiling.. just because! It's really hard to explain but I'm just happy because.[/QUOTE]
God has truly blessed you! I believe that HE has the power to help me. Thats why I turn to him. I know there will be LET DOWNS along the way of my journey. I know there will be ALOT of times that the stress hits really hard and I have to remind myself that ONE PILL changes everything. I was trying to taper down the other day and it dawned on me that EVERYTIME i get stressed I popped a pill. The baby (almost 3yrs old) had spilled a jug of chocholate milk in my floor board and I almost took a pill. I had to reprogram my mind to know that isnt right!
God has worked wonders in my life. in 2000 my daughter was almost 2 and got ahold of my ELAVIL. The worst meds on earth for a baby to get their hands on~ I was ALONE with her in a small town about 45 minutes from the nearest hospital when I realized what had happend that she quit breathing. I had never had such a talk with Jesus as when I was giving her CPR. She was in a coma for 3 days on life support. THis little baby hooked up to all those IV's and no matter how much I loved her and begged her to wake up...she wouldnt budge. I prayed and cried 3 days straight. I then told Jesus, if you take my baby you are gonna take me too. She woke up the next day. Been fine everysince.
Then I watched my 33 yr old uncle break a "tumor fever" while being baptized. Such a miracle. He died exactly 7 days later, but I watched him give his heart to God before he did go!
And the next year after his death (I had gone WAY DOWN HILL) I was sentenced to 4 months in jail during my 6th-9th month of pregnancy. (drug rehab) I prayed to God then to make the time fly. I missed my girls, who were 3 and 5 at the time. And he did!
We ask God for change and he answers us. But, its seldom in the way to which we seek. The bible says, ASK & YOU SHALL RECEIVE. But the bible doesnt say, bargain with me and I will work with you.
I am glad that you found your inner strength to do this, and that you had the Lord on your side! With him all things are possible!

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