It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Addiction & Recovery Message Board


Addiction & Recovery Board Index


I am new to this site as far as posting. Been reading threads for 2 weeks and I must say, although I dont know you guys, I love everyone of you for being here to support one another.
I have a wonderful husband (9years we have been together) and 3 adorable daughters, ages 2 1/2. 6 & 8. I have been full-blown addicted to vicodin STEADILY since April '06. Before that I was addicted but I guess I could function so I didnt realize it and I definitly didnt know what happened when I take them in excess of 3,000/mg of Vicodin a month. Roughly 12-20 pills a day. I tried several months ago to quit C/T and only made it 4 days before I caved in.
I decided AGAIN that I need to quit. My father told me of a DETOX center close by that is FREE. Said he was in the building adjacent to it and seen with his own eyes how people went in screwed up and came out DRIED out. I believe they do give you something to make it comfortable so you dont have seizures, but NOTHING to substitute the drug. THANK GOODNESS.
Monday I almost drove myself to the METHADONE clinic. I thought that was the answer. Then, I prayed to God and was told by my father about this DETOX. I can also do after care closer to where I live and they have day care for my 2 1/2 year old. I am supposed to get on waiting list 12-29-06 (MY NEW YEARS GIFT TO MYSELF< MY HUSBAND AND MY BEAUTIFUL LITTLE GIRLS)
Detox center said that close to the Holiday they could possibly have a bed ready so come prepared.
I tried the "taper down" and to me it was a waste of time. If I hadn't screwed up our bills by spending all my extra $$, I would ask my husband to stay home and do this with me. All I can think of is all that $$ going down the drain on my addiction, and would I rather quit NOW when its MY choice and even severe as it is. OR do I want to quit LATER when its not MY choice and ten times harder? Thats pretty much answered right there. I am tired of living this life. My children do not deserve to suffer from this any longer, and neither does myself or my husband.
What I am wondering is this:
I have researched all over the internet and cannot find ANY instances of someone who was RECOVERD from Vicodin addiction as full blown as mine. I am talking average people, not celebrities or the rich & famous.
I wonder HOW LONG does it take to get REAL energy back?
How long does it take one's brain to start producing NATURAL ENDORPHINES & DOPAMINE, instead of searching throught the body and punishing every limb & organ to find the opiates?
amithy

Good for you for coming in here. First big step taken and doesn't that feel great! Now on to your questions. Some back ground info from my sorted past ha. I was taking an avg of 500+ mgs (equivalent to 50 10mg norcos) of hydro per day which equates to 15,000 mgs per month if not more. WOW never looked at it as that much, 15K WOW. So given that big number I tapered for 2 months and then went CT on Jan 1st 2003. For me it took about 3 weeks before my energy levels started feeling anything close to normal. At the 4 week mark energy level was very strong.

Psychological side took much longer. I figured it was at the 10 month mark that I really felt emotionally my old self as I was before the pills. Its the 80/20 rule, takes 20% of the time to get 80% healed and the remaining 20% takes 80% of the time to heal. But here it is almost 4 years later and Iím still drug free and life is so grand. I was fortunate to not get myself into financial trouble, but everything else in my life was in shambles. I did hit my rock bottom but I also recognized it and pulled myself from the flames. Just so you know it took me a few tries to get of the hydro. Like 4 I think if Iím counting. Each time I relapsed the usage got so much worse with of course the last time at the 500mg level.

I like that you have recognized you are at or very near your rock bottom. And I see you figured out what many canít and that is its much easier to get off the drugs on your own terms instead of someone elseís terms such as court appointed typeÖÖ..

If you know you canít do it on your own at home then I think you are on to the right solution, the detox center. Hey sounds like a great step, plus you get assisted help. Iím of the impatient type so once I decided I wanted off the drugs I couldnít get there fast enough. I can tell you that once I was off that runaway train my life became so wonderful. I have a very loving and understanding wife but she was getting to her limits with me, serious limits as she told me. And my daughters (at the time they were 16 and 19) were having trouble dealing with me or watching me spiral down with the pills, and that really bothered me. I lost about 4 years of my life that Iíve had a hard time recalling and to be honest I really donít want to recall them, just place them in the trash and move on. Or as I put it here, those are chapters Iíve read in my book of life and Iíve turned the pages on them and Iím in the process of righting new chapters. New chapters that are drug free and so incredibly wonderful.

You seem positioned to make the necessary commitments to get off the pills. Now its time to roll up the sleeves and move forward to the old amithy. Itís a little bit of hard work and a huge payoff for getting the work completed. Just stay focused on your goal of pill free and very, very soon you will have all your goals and wants fulfilled.

SO exciting to know you are so close to changing it all for the better, so close amithy. 2 weeks, 3 weeks, that is minuscule in the big picture.

OK so we are here, we have tons of knowledge and life experiences to draw upon and provide you. Lean on us and we'll help you meet your goals.

Iím truly excited for you, each time another gets free from the drugs is my most cherished gift to receive.

Stay with us and keep talking to us so we know your progress.

phil
[QUOTE=Philster2003]amithy

Good for you for coming in here. First big step taken and doesn't that feel great! Now on to your questions. Some back ground info from my sorted past ha. I was taking an avg of 500+ mgs (equivalent to 50 10mg norcos) of hydro per day which equates to 15,000 mgs per month if not more. WOW never looked at it as that much, 15K WOW. So given that big number I tapered for 2 months and then went CT on Jan 1st 2003. For me it took about 3 weeks before my energy levels started feeling anything close to normal. At the 4 week mark energy level was very strong.

Psychological side took much longer. I figured it was at the 10 month mark that I really felt emotionally my old self as I was before the pills. Its the 80/20 rule, takes 20% of the time to get 80% healed and the remaining 20% takes 80% of the time to heal. But here it is almost 4 years later and Iím still drug free and life is so grand. I was fortunate to not get myself into financial trouble, but everything else in my life was in shambles. I did hit my rock bottom but I also recognized it and pulled myself from the flames. Just so you know it took me a few tries to get of the hydro. Like 4 I think if Iím counting. Each time I relapsed the usage got so much worse with of course the last time at the 500mg level.

I like that you have recognized you are at or very near your rock bottom. And I see you figured out what many canít and that is its much easier to get off the drugs on your own terms instead of someone elseís terms such as court appointed typeÖÖ..

If you know you canít do it on your own at home then I think you are on to the right solution, the detox center. Hey sounds like a great step, plus you get assisted help. Iím of the impatient type so once I decided I wanted off the drugs I couldnít get there fast enough. I can tell you that once I was off that runaway train my life became so wonderful. I have a very loving and understanding wife but she was getting to her limits with me, serious limits as she told me. And my daughters (at the time they were 16 and 19) were having trouble dealing with me or watching me spiral down with the pills, and that really bothered me. I lost about 4 years of my life that Iíve had a hard time recalling and to be honest I really donít want to recall them, just place them in the trash and move on. Or as I put it here, those are chapters Iíve read in my book of life and Iíve turned the pages on them and Iím in the process of righting new chapters. New chapters that are drug free and so incredibly wonderful.

You seem positioned to make the necessary commitments to get off the pills. Now its time to roll up the sleeves and move forward to the old amithy. Itís a little bit of hard work and a huge payoff for getting the work completed. Just stay focused on your goal of pill free and very, very soon you will have all your goals and wants fulfilled.

SO exciting to know you are so close to changing it all for the better, so close amithy. 2 weeks, 3 weeks, that is minuscule in the big picture.

OK so we are here, we have tons of knowledge and life experiences to draw upon and provide you. Lean on us and we'll help you meet your goals.

Iím truly excited for you, each time another gets free from the drugs is my most cherished gift to receive.

Stay with us and keep talking to us so we know your progress.

phil[/QUOTE]
I want to quit even stronger now. I guess all the other sites I had read about these kinds of threads had sooo much NEGATIVE and here I am finding STRENGTH & COMMITMENT. Something I yearn for again in life! I am on the pills now and If I wasnt at home with the 3 girls I would flush them and do it at home. I am sooo excited about going into the DETOX. I spent my 6th, 7th, 8th and 9th month of my 3rd pregnancy (in 2004) behind bars in the county jail in a drug treatment program to get off speed (meth) which I had already done, but it was a court appointed program. WOW, look at me now. I traded one for another, but I have realized along the way that I have an addicted personality and that vicodin & speed probably arent my only weaknesses.
You are an inspiration to me. I know that this is what I want, and I know what I do not want. I dont want the girls to be 13, 14 and 15 years old and me still be in horrible shape not able to help them through their adolesent years because I am too strung out. I HAVE TO BE THERE FOR THEM. Hell, its only 14 days or so. I may just go ahead and plan on my father being here for me on the 26th and start cold turkey. If I didnt have to do so much for the kids between now & then and Christmas I would do it now. I just wish It would be over. I know this all sounds like excuses, but I cannot let my family suffer through the holidays.
When you went C/T how many had you taken previously (what had you tapered down to?) and what did you take to help with the W/D? From your experience, how long did you have the w/d?
I wish it was the 29th already.
Thanks for all your support.
[QUOTE=stillfromny]Amithy, you can do it if i can do it! I was taking about 20 10mg Norcos per day and getting shipments every 4 days to feed my addiction, what a waste of energy and money chasing and thinking of those pills. I did this game for 3 years and it wasnt till my sister looked in my eyes and said, i know what you are doing and started to cry.... i felt like a complete "loser" and it made me realize i wanted more out of life so about 16 days ago i quit cold turkey and it was the best thing i ever did in my life. I will admit the first 3 days were terrible but i turned the corner and stabilized on the 4th day and was able to make it through. I feel really good now, i joined a gym and i actually have some money for x-mas shopping :) if i was still buying the pills i would still be broke, still counting, still watching the clock, still feeling numb etc. If u really want to quit you can, its all up to you and i know you will for your family's sake... please let us know how you are doing and keep us posted

Good luck![/QUOTE]
I know this has to get better. I took a look around my house and was disgusted. I have spent so much time chasing the pills and when I finally got them, all I wanted to do was love them. But, it got to the point to where I wasnt even cleaning my house and even when I was at work, I didnt want to work. They just do something to my mind & break my spirit. Oh lord, am I afraid of my kids driving me crazy when I get off these?! Or am I more afraid of the damage being done to my kids by me being doped up. I almost quit C/T this morning. Last I took a pill was 3pm yesterday and didnt take another til 8am this morning. But, I dont want to make it any harder. I need to put on a strong face until I can check into DETOX on 12-29 (or when the bed is ready)
My husband came home from work last night and its been like 3 days since I have spent more than 10 waking minutes with him. I had wrote him a long letter telling him everything I had already said. But, when he came home he sat on the edge of my bed with something behind his back. Said...."Amy, I know you are having a hard time and I want you to have something that if ever you are in a place that you just need something to remind you of ME and MY LOVE FOR YOU then hold this" and handed me a little pink teddy bear. I was so overwhelmed with love. BUT< YOU KNOW WHAT??? The VICODINS make that numb to me. I normally would have balled my eyes out, and again last night I realized something else these pills are robbing me off.....my natural emotions. How could we take something like that for granted? I am so excited about getting to a place where I can w/d and deal with this. I have accepted that its not going to change overnite. I was killing myself with worry AFRAID of what is on the other side. Then yesterday as I drove home from the store I read a sign that said [COLOR="Red"]YOU WILL NEVER WIN UNTIL YOU BEGIN[/COLOR]. I almost cried, again the vicodins helped keep that from happening. So, here I go....going crazy til the day I get my help. But, I would rather be CRAZY ABOUT GETTIN HELP than going CRAZY ABOUT GETTING PILLS
Amithy, You CAN do this. And, here's another experience I'd like to share re: the kids. I used to rely on the vics to help me "deal with" the kids. Mine are 11, 7 and 18 months and I used the vics to help me "numb" to their incessant bickering, yelling and really, playing! I, too, was concerned about my nerves and my ability to interact with them with no vics....SURPRISE, SURPRISE...I found I LOVED to play with them...what??? We have so much fun now. I read to them again, play board games, etc...actually EAT at the dinner table together. WOW. Now that I'm not consumed with thinking about my little white pills, I find I can concentrate on having FUN. Believe it or not, it's true. I know how scary it is thinking about NOT having the pill, but It's so worth it. I went CT and wd at home. Like most people here, the worst was the first 3 days and then after that, the fog began to lift. Taking walks in the fresh air helped me a lot. Just to clear my mind. There are probably a lot of people that just can't do it on their own, so detox is the way to go in those cases...anything to get rid of the monkey. If you decide to taper or to do this on your own, you can do it...just remember the first 3-4 days are the worst...after that, it's moment to moment, but it can be done...
[QUOTE=augirl]Amithy, You CAN do this. And, here's another experience I'd like to share re: the kids. I used to rely on the vics to help me "deal with" the kids. Mine are 11, 7 and 18 months and I used the vics to help me "numb" to their incessant bickering, yelling and really, playing! I, too, was concerned about my nerves and my ability to interact with them with no vics....SURPRISE, SURPRISE...I found I LOVED to play with them...what??? We have so much fun now. I read to them again, play board games, etc...actually EAT at the dinner table together. WOW. Now that I'm not consumed with thinking about my little white pills, I find I can concentrate on having FUN. Believe it or not, it's true. I know how scary it is thinking about NOT having the pill, but It's so worth it. I went CT and wd at home. Like most people here, the worst was the first 3 days and then after that, the fog began to lift. Taking walks in the fresh air helped me a lot. Just to clear my mind. There are probably a lot of people that just can't do it on their own, so detox is the way to go in those cases...anything to get rid of the monkey. If you decide to taper or to do this on your own, you can do it...just remember the first 3-4 days are the worst...after that, it's moment to moment, but it can be done...[/QUOTE]
I cannot believe that I am finding people here that have actually OVERCOME their addiction (which just happens to be the same as mine) I have actually found that with having 1/2 to 3/4 the amount of vic in my system as usual coined with the REALIZATION that I AM GOING TO CHANGE is actually helping me to get through this. There are times that I find my mind wondering back and forth, trying to find excuses as to WHY I should wait. But, I am doing this to prepare myself mentally:
I am writing to you guys.
I am keeping a mental image of my life NOW vs. how it was BEFORE the vicodin (what I can still remember)
I am writing letters to myself to remind me of WHY I want CHANGE
I am mentally & physically preparing myself for the BIG DAY.
I have started organizing things around the house, cleaning some BIG MESSES that I have put off. That way when I do come home (with the help of my husband & father) the house will be somewhat sane & clean. I HOPE!!!
Besides, what else am I to do with the pills I am taking? Might as well do something productive before I give it up FOREVER.
I have been taking vitamins, drinking more water & juice and most importantly....MENTAL PREPARATION!
Thanks to you all! I know I still have 13 days to go (or more) but If I keep in touch with you guys then when the BIG DAY comes I wont chicken out!
All my love,
Amy
I really am battling the change that is to come. I remember those 4 days that I quit, how I would wake up in the morning like every other morning. But, soon as I realized that there are no Vicodin then I would lay back down & feel depressed. Hopefully the w/d @ detox, without 3 running and screaming children will be better than what I had endured here at home.
Alot of this addiction is a MIND thing, if I know I have a good supply then I wouldnt wake up so depressed in the morning. I would be able to get up shower, take care of kids, smoke a cigarette, etc BEFORE I took the meds. Strange huh?
How our mind plays with us.
Watched Criss Angel (MINDFREAK) last night and wished I have 1/4 of the mind power that he has!
Anyways, I am going to stay strong. I have already taken more than my fair share of meds today and a couple of days back....so I need to be cautious til the big day.
Besides, I have already screwed up & confessed to my favorite Aunt, so there is no looking back now.
Hope you all have a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS
We should all remember that this is a stressful time for everyone, so dont beat yourselves up!
Spoke with the people @ DETOX and they sd difference bwtn going c/t at home and at the center is that at home you don't have the medical attention needed. At detox they will have nurses on hand 24/7 and I will be under a doctor's care. So, they can regulate my blood pressure, etc. I am getting excited again. Trying not to worry about all the financial stuff going on in my life. My husband & I talked last night and he said he will be ready to do this on the 5th of January. I am afraid of the DETOX not having a bed ready, so I am going to call down there tomorrow and see if there is a waiting list and if there is I will go ahead and jump on it so hopefully one will be ready in time.
Just wanted to keep y'all informed. Not to worry, THIS IS GOING TO HAPPEN!!
I am going to go back to being ME before the pills. Don't remember too much about who that person is, but I am sure she has to be better than this!
All my love & prayers to ANYONE having to deal with an addiction or care for someone who has an addiction!
I am still here. Don't know if I am going to make it to the big day or not. I found out that they have a waiting list since I missed the visit there on the 29th. Even though the waiting list is only 1day to 3weeks depending on how soon I get an assesment done and how the list flows. I think I am going to be forced to detox at home starting this weekend. Will let everyone know how its going. Right now I am hitting my knees in prayer
I am still here. Don't know if I am going to make it to the big day or not. I found out that they have a waiting list since I missed the visit there on the 29th. Even though the waiting list is only 1day to 3weeks depending on how soon I get an assesment done and how the list flows. I think I am going to be forced to detox at home starting this weekend. Will let everyone know how its going. Right now I am hitting my knees in prayer
Hi Amy,

I read your posts and I am so sorry for what you're going through. I know exactly how scary it is to quit but how it's scarier really not to quit. Hon, if you can't get into rehab, you can detox at home! I've gone cold turkey probably 4 times this year (I'm a bit ashamed of my relapse issues) and the first time was the worst- I had a 25-30 norco a day habit and went cold turkey. But it's just 3 or 4 days of feeling like a really bad flu and then you'll be ok! People get sick, moms get sick. You have a husband and your girls will understand that mommy's sick. I'm just saying, if you can't get into the detox, don't think you can't do it on your own. I'm on day 3 right now, cold turkey (yet again) from probably a 15 a day norco habit and I'm functioning. I don't feel very good but I've even been doing my dishes and a couple of loads of laundry. Do you have any idea how many pills I would take in the past to get myself going to do the dishes??? LOL. It seems so pathetic now. You really don't need the pills. I'm so sorry you're going through the financial hardships as well. I lost my job last year and I don't get child support or anything, I was out of work for 5 months and it was the scariest time of my life. I wound up selling everything nice I've ever owned. Hard times make us who we are. I hope and pray you'll make it in a detox place but if you don't, you can still get off of these damned things! I promise! :-)
Please hang in there!!!!

Debbie
Funny you said that Debbie,
I was just thinking that to myself (detox @ home AGAIN)
I remember it was horrible for awhile but I made it to day 4. What an accomplishment at the time! And when I took the pills on the 4th day I had a smile on my face, not because I knew what I was about to feel, but because I knew I could have kept going. Strange huh? Its like I was just testing my own strength.
I printed off the moderator's SAMPLE HOME DETOX PLAN and I have some of the things on hand. I am getting elavil to help w. sleep and going to the store soon as I can to get the other items. Not to say that I wont have a bed avail. before I start this, but I do now have a back up plan and its thanks to you guys who showed me that I CAN DO IT AGAIN!

Since we do have all the financial hardships right now, I know in the back of my mind that it will be better to be here in case the eviction comes because that will push me to get up and get moving. Plus, I havent tried the stuff for energy that is listed on the SHDP.

My friends, Amy is going to do it!
( not today though)
I have to go to Church tonight, have a date with Jesus!
AMY
Good to hear some resolve back in you. Smiles Smiles Smiles. I think a back up plan is a good thing. But I have a feling a bed will be ready for you. If it is, I hope you jump on it. Literally, if you have to!

Do you remember when I talked about being selfish sometims because it is necessary. While I did not choose the detox center route, I have been selfish when necessary. For the first three weeks of the taper, I became almost autisic in that all my senses became so heightened, especially sound. My hubby and I had to sleep apart for those three weeks. it hurt his feelings and mine, but I could not even bear the sound of his breathing, let alone the snoring.

I am fortunate in that it is just the two of us in an empty nest now. I even made him turn down the TV because although it was a floor away and behind closed doors, I couldn't bear it. And I felt guilty every time I had to ask him to be more quiet in his own house.

I think detox would give someone with a family at home the chance not to impose on them any more than necessary. Iam sure that even tho he loves me and is standing by me, my hubby could have used a little more time away from me in the beginning because I was so darn needy.

But it is good to prepare your body no matter where the detox occurs. The stronger you get your body, the better it will withstand the detox.

I am proud of you for going forward. Please post and post and keep us informed.

reach
I was able to taper off of percocet (oxycodone) and once i went back on before i quit for good. That was in Sept. 06. I used the home detox plan. I felt bad for a few days, but it passed...kind of the blahs and some achyness. If i can quit so can you and this will all be behind you!
I am still here. Don't know if that is a GOOD thing. Have decided to do this at home instead of in a detox center. Would be easier on my family to have it done here. Kids still going next door, and I know that I want to reach day 5 to see what is on the other side. My mother told me that I have to tough this out and that if I sleep thru the first 2 days I really wont be learning much of a lesson, but I cant really remember how I handled the first couple of days before! And by the way, my mother doesnt really have any sound advice. She goes thru this all the time. She is in same boat that I am in but will have to live with her boat for the rest of her life.
So, I dont know what the next couple of days holds for me, or when this will actually BEGIN. Rest assured that if you dont hear from me for a day that its only because it happened and I feel too crappy to get outta bed. lol
I dont see how others do it, get up and get moving after w/d and quitting c/t, but I will soon find out.
Lotsa prayers needed





All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:21 AM.





© 2019 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!