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Addiction & Recovery Message Board


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Hi...

This is my first post on this board. I just wanted to share my story of addiction and "recovery???" I wanted to post this to give people hope that they stand a fighting chance. I hope my story can help to motivate and inspire YOU to quit or SERIOUSLY think about QUITTING. I loved vicodin/hydrocodone. There is "STRONG LANGUAGE." I AM NOT A DOCTOR, PSYCHOLOGIST, OR ANYTHING! This is just my story and my battle with MY addiction. I don't know if my story will help YOUR OWN personal case of Vicodin addiction. MY story is just to give YOU HOPE! THERE CAN BE A BETTER TOMORROW...
READ THIS: BEFORE YOU DECIDE TO READ THROUGH MY STORY:

#1: If you ever were in bed ready to sleep but couldn't stop thinking, "Why do I keep hurting myself and my loved ones by continuing to do this "Substance." Why do I keep wasting my money on "drugs." Or, you ever thought to yourself, "Tomorrow, I will cut back or not take as much of "INSERT DRUG HERE," as I do everyday. But it never happens. No cutting back. No stopping. Just the same old **** as the day before.
EXAMPLE: Wake up... Take/do your "drugs." If you don't got it, then call/drive around to everyone and anyone that you know who can "Hook you up." If no response from the person... Call them frequently because, you gotta make sure that they just didn't miss your call, or not hear their phone ring!"
#2: If you have gone or still go out of your way to make sure you got your "MEDICINE." No matter how far out of the way you gotta go. This is because, if you don't have "your medicine," then it will be a crappy day until you get the goods.
#3: If you, YOURSELF... Think you have a problem.
#4: If someone who cares about you talked to you about "The addiction."
#5: If you don't have your "Medicine," you sometimes dream about getting it. You may even dream of doing "it." But, when you wake up, there is none and you are dissaponted.
#6: If you know money that SHOULD/WOULD/COULD go towards your bills, child support, getting you that shiny new "XXX." If that money, or even some of that money goes towards "the addiction," instead of "important" things...
IF ANY ONE, OR MORE THAN ONE OF THE ABOVE APPLY TO YOU... PLEASE READ ON!

These are all things that I have gone through for the past 2-3 years. I am 24 years old and decided for myself that enough was enough. I know that in my case... Failure is not an option! If I did not decide to change my life for the better... I know that if I continued, in less than a year I would been in one of 3 BAD situations.
#1: In Jail. #2: Dead #3: Homeless... But even worse than any one of these horrible options, I would have to live with the fact that I decided the "drug/addiction" is more important than anything else... If I decided to keep living "Addicted," I was a descision to throw my whole life away. These 3 things are facts that I was lucky enough to realize would be my future... This is one of the things that made me decide I gotta do something "BIG!" to fix my life!

When I was at my worst I was taking about 25-30 V's a day. I loved that **** sooooooo much. My life was going down hill. I took between 20-30 Vics everyday for about 2 years.

This forum gave me hope that I can quit, but scared me to death at the same time. Some people posted about hydro addiction saying "I have been taking 5 vicodin a day, everyday for the past year." Then they go on to say "The withdrawls were horrible... And that the first couple days were the worst days of their life." I read many of the posts on this forums about people trying to beat their "hydro" addiction, hoping to find someone who was in as deep as myself. A sports star recently took "too many" pain killers... Maybe to try end his life? Maybe on accident? It would at least take 6-7 Vics to feel "good." I heard that at the very most take 7-8 acetometaphine (sp?) in a 24 hour span. I took the maximum recommended dose of "filler"(for the entire day) at one time. This many was necessary at a time so I could get to the 5 mg of hydro in each pill. I woke up countless mornings over the past couple years and took 5-7 just so I could get the day started. Just to feel "normal."

My story is for the people who feel that your probelm is bigger and 100 TIMES worse than others. I thought my recovery would be worse because I took more "substance" than the other person and I was doing this "substance" longer than the person saying that they took 1 hydro a day for 6 months straight. EVERYONE no matter how big or small a problem others may think it is... These people posted their darkest secret for us to gain strength and learn from... These people are brave enough to share their stories of victory over the substance but willing to admit their failure in fighting their personal addiction. This is to try help anyone who feels like no one knows or ever could understand how bad their situation or addiction is. Get clean and FIGHT! FIGHT FOR EVERYONE WHO EVER LOVED YOU! FIGHT KNOWING THERE ARE SO MANY GOOD TIMES AHEAD! FIGHT FOR ALL THE GOOD IN THE PAST. IF NOT FOR THE GOOD IN THE PAST... USE THE BAD TO HELP YOU FIGHT. USE THE BAD FOR A POSITIVE CHANGE IN YOUR LIFE! USE IT TO FIGHT!!! JUST FIGHT WITH ALL YOUR HEART AND SOUL!!! My girlfriend told me this about "drugs" "You lived this long and have had a great life. All this good in your life was without this "substance." Although simple words... Very true.

I am college student and work at night. I am not "book smart." If your reading this now and are serious about quitting...
TAKE A TIME OUT FROM LIFE. TAKE A TIME OUT FROM EVERYTHING... SCHOOL-WORK-KIDS-EVERYTHING
I took a 3 week vacation from work. I am not going to go to college this semester. I took a 3 week time out from MY LIFE! I started my home detox on 1-7-07 at 12:01 A.M. I am lucky to still have a loving girlfriend and family that understood and supported me through the first couple days. I will **** you not... The first 3-4 days are rough. I am on day 4 and a half and things are looking good! The first couple days are bad... Keep your mind occupied. I bought xbox360 and a lot of games. I don't like methadone and the new "detox" pill. This replaces 1 addiction with another! WE ALREADY LIKE POPPING PILLS!!!! DON'T GIVE US MORE PILLS THAT "MIGHT" HELP BUT MORE THAN LIKELY WE WILL ABUSE!!! Here is a list of things before my "vacation" that worked and kept me out of trouble and going back to the "substance..."

#1: Set a start date for your "Vacation." The date that you set is no excuses and no moving back to a later date. Clear this in advance with your work place, school, any activity that would make you leave the house.
#2: Tell someone that you live with, or you will trust with your deepest secret. I told my close friends and my family and this helped me to be strong because I knew they were cheering for me, hoping I get better, and backing me up 100%.
#3: The person/s that you tell about your addiction and plan to quit... They NEED to be where you at all times. No exceptions. NO PRIVATE PHONE CALLS.(for my case... when I got to use the phone, it was her phone and it was always on speaker phone with her listening.) NO GOING ANYWHERE BY YOURSELF FOR AT LEAST THE FIRST 5 DAYS. In my case I was excited to start my home lockdown because I decided I wanted to change my life. But I was scared shitless at the same time. I didn't know what to expect and how it would be. I wrote a to do list, weeks before I started my lock down. This told my girlfriend what we gotta do before the "vacation date." I.E. Search the house for any contraband. Take away my phone-house keys-transportation keys (car-motorcycle-e.t.c.) I deleted all the "bad" numbers from my phone and had her check it. I did the to do list and the list telling her what not to let me get away after the start of my self imposed house arrest. I wrote a lot of this list when I was on some sort of "substance." This goes back to the trying to go to sleep and thinking to yourself that tomorrow you will cut back and try to quit. You feel guilty and want to change it cause you are on it. That is when you are the strongest and you will try to think of everything you can do to help the person watching you, to help you quit. A lot of it is how much YOU want to accomplish getting clean. My girlfriend and I searched the house the night before I started my home detox. I told her we only needed to look in places I stashed it in the past, just to make sure there were no strays. If the addicted wants to... It is very easy to hide things. I realized for myself that if I wanted to hide things in the house, it would be very easy. Just make a plan. Try to make it as fool proof as you can. Prison gaurds say, "They spend 8 hours a day trying to be one step ahead of prisoners. But the prisoners spend 24 hours a day thinking of how to stay ahead of them." Just realize... You will be/ and need to be the prisoner for a while. Even if you decide you wanna do it for yourself... IT SUCKS! But EVERY SOBER DAY gets better!!! It gets easier! I have been clean for 4.5 days. It is still not easy... BUT LIFE IS WAY BETTER! If this helped 1 person. I AM HAPPY!





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