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Addiction & Recovery Message Board

Addiction & Recovery Board Index

Hi all, I am brand new to the addiction board here and have spent most of this afternoon looking through this site. Here is what I have to say.

I was on percocet at times and the other times morphine.. Just depended on what doctor I seen... Either my family dr or my surgeon. I have had two major knee sureries which required percocet and oxycontin and then I had a horrid ectopic pregnancy and was on pain killers for that... Basically continued use for over a year. I also have intercitial cystitis and my family dr gives me morphine for the pain with that. The thing though is I got so hooked on them.... They gave me energy and when I do not take them I have no energy so I would go to my family dr's and tell him I needed more morphine and he would give it to me and most of the time I did not need it for pain... I only had cystitis attacks maybe once every two weeks. Same with the surgeon.. I told him my knee was still hurting and even though this was true, it did not call for percocet.. But I would tell him it did and he would give it to me. After a while..

Well, I finally decided to quit doing this stuff (after many attempts) and I ran out in the second last week of january.. (almost 4 weeks of no drugs now) I got through the first three days (i never noticed any withdrawl symptoms till after 3 days) then I started to feel the withdrawl... All of a sudden my father-in-law was in a horrible tree cutting accident and was killed. This was a horrific time but at the same time, I was so busy trying to be there and console my husband that I forgot about going off the meds and after a week, when everything was over I then realized I had gone almost two weeks without pain meds. I felt fine.. Physically that is... Now I am going through the mental withdrawl.... I keep trying to figure out how to get more and then I tell myself to stop thinking about it as I am doing so well... It has now been almost four weeks since I took any narcotics.. Physically I feel fine... But I am still having thoughts of going to get drugs and how I will go about doing it... my family dr won't give me anymore as he knows how many he gave me last time and when taken properly, they should last me about three months. My surgeon says I have to ask my family dr now. I have even faked a few illnesses at various hospitals in order to get drugs and now at my own city hospital and the others around my area have warnings on my file whenever I go in as they believe I am a drug seeker. Which I was... I have not gone to a hospital in over a month now.

My first question is: I have not found anywhere where people posted saying they went to hospitals in order to get the drugs... Is there anyone out there that did this too or am I "really" screwed up?

My second question is: how long till these mental urges are gone? I am so afraid I will give in to my needs and blow it...
I know it has only been close to four weeks, but I am so proud of myself for doing this but scared at the same time of a relapse.
Today for some reason has been especially hard... I just feel so down today where the last couple of weeks I have overall felt not too bad. Today I am trying to figure out which hospital to go to that doesn't know me... then I get teary eyed at the thought of coming close to failure...

Any advice would be of great support and greatly appreciated.
Thanks all..

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