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Hi Dee:

I'm so sorry, it's been SO bad for me, I forgot to check back on this post. I just went through a "living hell" trying to get off Morphine, which they gave me post Spinal Cord Stim surgery. Well, let's just say, Morphine was literally the FIRST med that EVER relieved my pain and I was on quite a bit of Percs (80 mgs/day) and dilaudid (8 mgs/day), my PM new that I was still in a lot of pain and just kept repeating "tolerance" blah blah.

So, when they told me they needed to titrate me down off of the Morphine and RETURN 18 of them. . I tried . . I don't know WHO could of laid in bed (I'm bedridden due to severe low back pain and Sural Nerve Entrapment in my ankle!). . next to 18 pills KNOWING they actually RELIEVE the pain! Well, I certainly couldn't! I finished the 18 pills and then my cousin (who goes to a different PM and who gets a long acting morphine plus a short acting for breakthrough . .. and is NOWHERE near as badly in pain as me) kept saying you're "Undermedicated". . and gave me a month's worth of his short acting 10mg/morphine. . and I finished them. . with NO titration involved. So when I was out. . I started withdrawing BAD, even though I was still on the Perc. So, I did what I THOUGHT was the HONEST and RIGHT thing to do. . I was honest w/my PM doc.. the nurse, anyway, I can't ever ACTUALLY speak to him unless it's at an appointment (usually 6 weeks apart!) The nurse seemed like it was not "surprising" not a "big deal" actually called it a 'DRUG HOLIAY'. . talked me into a Detox progam and then told me after that my tolerance would be better and we could start over.. needless to say that was obviously A CROCK to get me to go in patient because in the 2 weeks since I've been home it's as if I have a GIANT BLACK X on my file now. I've been taken off ALL my meds and am on only 40mg Methadone a day. . nothing for breakthrough . I'm miserable, in TREMENDOUS pain and my depression has hit it's all time worst! I spoke to 2 workers in the 'program' and both told me I am not "addicted". . I ABUSED my medication. TRUST me. . I have NO addictions nor have I EVER had problems w/pain meds until the Morphine. . WHAT THE HECK am I going to do now? I need something ELSE, this Methadone gives me SEVERE, DAILY headaches, it has worsened my already "treatment resistant depression" AND it's not covering my pain!

Does anyone know if I can EVEN SWITCH PM docs at this point? Dee: I'm in New Haven County so if your PM in Fairfield was awesome, could I get the name or number? I need to explain to someone who will really listen, what I went through and how I NOW KNOW if 2 pills work then 3 DOES NOT work better! NEVER AGAIN will I put myself through that hell again. I KNOW this. . can this doc really hold this "against" me, being honest, forever? and no longer medicate me properly?

I'm soooooo lost.

I hope you are well and I will anxiously await yours or anyone else's reply.

Take good care, Dee

Barb





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