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Hi everyone!

Wow, what a wonderful surprise to read everyone's posts and concerns. Slippery slope, thank you. I remember you from before and I think you were one of the ones who suggested I try sub. Well, let's see, I got to my appointment early and waited an hour and a half to see the doc. You know how much that stinks anyway but when you're going thru withdrawals and you're waiting for the magic pill to stop the misery it really stinks. Anyway, so after the visit I was ready for the pill and he wrote me a script! He said that the docs that charge $1000 have the pills onsite. Anyway, I'm really glad I chose this doctor. I haven't been to him in a couple of years but he had my MRI results, he was the doc I saw 15 years ago after my car wreck, he wrote me lots of scripts. He knew I was someone who didn't just do pills to get high, that I had pain issues too. So I didn't feel as ashamed. He told me that addiction goes with pain and everyone on pain pills is addicted. He also said that since I have pain issues he wrote the sub script for PAIN not for drug addiction. He even put it in my chart that we are switching my pain meds from hydros to sub. He said it would help with the pain, not as much as hydros but enough to manage. He also said that the cravings I have for hydros are like a bell ringing in my head and on the sub the bell will stop ringing. First it will slow down then it will stop.

So I got my script - he wrote one for 30 pills, 8 mg. He told me to take one, then in 2 hours if I was still feeling withdrawals to take another, in another 2 hours if I needed it, take another. He said if I had to take 4 then do it but he'd never known anyone who needed more than 3. He said to take one in the morning and one at night. Well Dee, I feel like you said. I feel schitzy and nauseous and really out of it- exactly like I took too much hydrocodone. I could hardly eat and felt like I was going to puke. I only took the one pill and tomorrow I am going to break one in half and try to just do 4 mgs. I realize that I'm probably trading one addiction for another so I don't desire to set myself up at a huge dose. I want to take the smallest amount that will work. I told him that I average 15 norcos a day and I go through about 100- 120 each week, norco 10 mgs.

I asked him how long I should stay on it and he said for a year or two probably! I don't know about that but then I thought about how long I've been on pain pills, 5 years, 4 of it at a large habit. How many times I've quit, how many times I've gone thru withdrawals, how many times I've relapsed and failed. I don't know if I'll wind up being on it that long but I just need to break the addiction cycle- the pill seeking, obsessing, etc. etc. at least. He said although I'd feel better within days it would really take a month before I'd feel ok. That's how long it takes to completely get over the hydros and the sub helps your brain receptors make their own seratonin again or something.

No, I didn't mention the suicide. I'm kind of embarrassed I wrote it here. That really was me on the pain pills causing that depression. Me at my lowest. And like I said I would never really do it b/c of my daughter but I've just been so terribly unhappy. You guys know how horrible it is to be in full blown addiction.

Well, I feel pretty jittery and I don't know how I'll sleep. The paperwork said that if you mix sub with xanax, valium or benadryl it can cause death!!! But that's weird b/c on the sub website, when you go to the area for physicians, they say that if patients can't sleep then give them a small script for xanax. Yea, let's give an addict a different drug that's harder to quit. Sheez. Is the corporation that makes suboxone working on a detox drug for benzos? Makes me wonder.

Anyway, the cost of the visit was $180. I told the doc that his receptionist told me $94 so he said I could pay that today and pay the rest when I come in again. It's $94 after that. Oh, if anyone is considering sub make sure you have insurance. He said it was $360 for the sub without it! I have aetna HMO but I might call my doc to get a referral to this guy. I am not sure yet. If I have to go in a lot this is gonna hurt. Anyway, he wanted to see me in a few days but I told him about my work/time off situation and he's going to let me come in in a week.

He said he has about 60 patients on sub and he was just approved about a month ago. He said one guy was a very successful lawyer taking 20 pain pills a day. He did the sub for a day, the next day took half pills, then the next day he threw all the sub out and quit everything for good. He didn't miss a day's work. I think that's a great success story but knowing myself with my history of relapses I am not going to try that.

Sorry this is such a long post. I guess I had a lot to say! I'm not going thru withdrawals now but my mind is racing. The weird thing is the doc told me that if I felt anxious I should take more sub. I am leery about getting too deep in the sub. Since it makes me feel anxious and schitzy I am nervous about taking more before I go to bed.

I am happy that it's not on my permanent record that I'm a drug addict. Thank God. He told me he has two DEA numbers- one for medication he prescribes to addicts and another to prescribe pain pills and he was using the pain pill number for me. The bottle says to take them for pain but the sheet that comes with them says they are for treating opiote dependence.

Well I'm gonna get ready for bed. I wish I had some tylenol pm's b/c I'm scared to take anything stronger. This sub is some serious stuff.

Good night everyone. I won't be able to check the boards til tomorrow night but I really want to hear more about how Dee is doing and what her script was for, and how she feels. I do feel a sense of calm. It was really weird telling a doctor I used to try to manipulate for pills the truth. I thought I was going to break down and cry but I didn't. I appreciate that he didn't treat me like a street junkie at least. The women working the counter all gave me the once over when they realized I was there for sub. Talk about being judged! They were nice but still I felt like I was wearing a scarlet letter.

OK now I'm outta here. Seriously. Thanks everyone for your support. I don't know what I would do without this board and all of you people on it!


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