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Hi Guys

Thank you all for your thoughts and input. I really kinda needed that today. This Xanax taper is so very weird for me. I run these crazy cycles of hyperness for a couple of days and then exhaustion for a couple of days. I think the cuts make me hyper and then as I level off, I am really tired. Sometimes no sleep for a night or two and then great sleep plus a nap for a day or two. Maybe it is too early on in the plan to make a judgement call, but it is okay. All the extra energy is forcing me into a lot of movement and that is actually bringing my cholesterol and blood sugar levels down, which have been really high. Also, becuase I am so much more active and hyper, I am losing weight which is really a necessary thing for me. I had a heart attack a year and a half ago and really need to lose weight and get those cholesterol and blood sugar numbers down. Tough way to do it, but guess it is a blessing in disguise, huh? Buckeye Tim would laugh his head off if he could see me now.. his true and steadfast advice is exercise and movement being the key to staying out of the depression from withdrawal.... boy, if he could only see this roly-poly old mama running up and down stairs and all over the place! Haha.

Maxibear... I really appreciate your advice on the depakote. Actually, wanna hear something ironic? I was in a horrible clinical depression some 10-12 years ago. Really horrible... after some horrific life issues in the family all within a year, I ended up being diagnosed with a rare cancer, had some radical surgeries, radiation, a really rough course of treatment of chemo and thrown into menopause because of it. My body and brain just endured too much trauma until they both broke completely. I was put on some hard core, old time meds to try and bring me out of it. As I started to get better, I was also simutaneously brought off Percocet and Xanax. I remember being given depakote and told it was an anti-seizure drug. I was working with an old fashioned, older eurpean female psychiatrist, Wanda. She was utterly fantastic. I really wasn't coherent enough to understand what meds I was being given and why. It is only recently as I am working my way off the oxycodone first and now the xanax, that my understanding of that long ago time is coming. I did it outpatient because at that time, I had been hospitalized so often that I could not face another hospitalization. I continue to have somewhat of a fear of being locked up in any way, even a hospital. Yeah, I know, a bit irrational. I will only work on this outpatient and with doctors I know really well. Sadly, Wanda has long retird and kind of disappeared somewhere unknown. I searched everywhere for her because she is the only doctor I would have trusted enough to go the depakote route with as an outpatient. Like you, however, I do not know why depakote is not used more regularly. For others out here thinking of coming off benzos, depakote is a great choice. And Silver Hills is well known as an excellent facility.

Peace... yeah, those seizures are what keep me going slow on this taper. I have a very healthy fear of them, thank you. Smiles. I am also on an antidepressant ever since the first huge depression. After the hard core ones, I was put on a maintainence dose of Prozac and now am on Lexapro the past few years. I tried twice to come off them and it was disasterous. I was given no direction and tried to cold turkey. Whew! Maybe down the road... really FAR down the road, I will try again armed with a heck of a lot more knowledge! Being on the Lexapro is of no concern to me at all at this time. None. And hey! Gramma to be... our very first grandbaby is 15 months old. He is such a light in my life and even brought me to laughter and smiles during the rough stages of the oxycodone taper. I think the power of a grandbaby is so strong in helping us through tough times. This is going to be one of the greatest experiences of your life.

Arg... thanks for sticking with me. I am a lot of bravado sometimes, but the truth is, I am scared about making it through this taper. I have a great need to talk about it, but I know my hyperness is making my hubby and family a bit nuts. I come here to read and post and try to give my hubby some space from me. He tries so hard, but truly does not understand how hard this is or how worried I am sometimes that I will not be able to complete this taper. I need the board a great deal to help me cope.

Okay, I have gone on way too long. Thank you guys again for being here for me.

Always with hope
reach





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