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Addiction & Recovery Message Board

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My Name Is Tricia I Am 26 Years Old And A Recovering's My Story I Was Born And Raised In South Jersey I Grew Up In A Great Family A Mom A Dad And 3 Brothers My Parents Took Us On Vactions All The Time And I Was Told Many Times By My Dad You Should Appreciate This Cause Not Many Kids My Age Have Been To All The Places I've Been Too...i Guess When I Turned 13 I Started Messin Up I Wanted To Fit In And Be Accepted I Was Always Alittle Over Weight And Was Born With A Cleft Palate And Was Called Names By My Peers And So Called Friends When I Was 15 I Got The Operation To Close Up The Cleft Palate.....i Mostly Hung Out With A Crowd That Constantly Got In Trouble Running From The Police Drinkin In The Woods Smokin Pot U Name It We Did It...they Were Actually The Fun Times...welli Graduated From High Scool In 2000 And Started College That Fall And I Also Started Doin Herion And Smokin Crack I Dropped Out Of College A Month After I First It Was All Fun And Just Did It Here And There But Over The Years I Started Getting Worse And My Addiction Began To Come Into Play I Was In Denial For Atleast 4 Of The 6 2002 I Finally Told My Mom I Was Addicted To Herion I Was Shootin U And She Tried To Get Me Into A Rehab I Went Through The Withdraw And I Was Gone Again But This Time I Swore To Myself I Would Not Go Through The Withdraw Ever Again So I Started Smokin Crack And Drinking Then I Met My Ex Boyfriend I Got Kicked Out Of My House Because I Didnt Go To Rehab And Lived With Him I Didnt Smoke Crack With Him But I Did Drink Alot And He Was Abusive Mentally And Physically I Left Him In Sept 2003 Just To Go Home For 2 Weeks Then I Up And Let And Lived On The Streets Of Camden For 6 Weeks I Found I Was Pregnant On November 15,2003 I Called My Mom Told Her I Was Pregant And Went Home I Knew It Was My Ex Boyfriends The Next Week Me My Mom And Him Went To Get A Ultrasound That Was The Day I Found Out I Had A Miscarriage....november 26,2003...well That Was It I Was Completly Lost For The Next 6 Months I Stayed With My Ex Till He Got Locked Up In April The Next Day I Was Back To Gettin High A Month Later I Was Back On The Streets Prostitutin In Camden....i Went Home Agan 6 Weeks Later And Went To A Rehab For 30 Days Thinkin I Was Gonna Stay Clean But I Only Stayed Clean For 2 Weeks By November 2004 I Was Back In A Rehab And Knew I Needed Help That Is Where I Called Out To Jesus To Take Over I Was Doin Well I Stayed There For 6 Months Came Home And Stayed Clean For About A Month July I Was Back On The Streets And That Is Where I Decided I Wasnt Going Home Till I Got Clean....i Stayed In Camden Prostituting,and Smokin Crack I Lived In A Tent In The Woods....people Ask Me Where Woods Are In Was Tired I Didnt Want That Life Anymore I Was Tired Of Hurting My Family And Friends I Wanted To Be Clean I Actually Started Going To A Outpatient While I Was Homeless And Still Getting High...i Could Go On For Days About The **** I Went Through Out There...i Almost Died Three Times The Last Time I Said **** This I Am Done And I Went To The Hospital Because I Was Punched By A Guy Who Wouldn't Give Me The Money To Get Him Off....that Was January 14 2006...that Was The Day That Changed My Life Forever I Found Out I Was 6 Weeks Pregnant This Time I Moved Into A Motel Wit A Guy A Thought I Was In Love With I Thought I Was Gonna Stop Gettin High Right Then And There And It Would Be Done With But Living With Someone Who Is Still Getiing High Is Hard I Tried So Hard To Stay Clean But I Couldnt I Would Most Of The Time But Some Of The Time I Did And I Hated It I Knew I Had A Baby Growing Inside Of Me And I Cried...i Wanted To Get Out Of There But I Didnt Want To Leave Brian I Knew I Had To Do Right But A Guy Was Holdin Me Back Finally....i Loved Every Minute Of Watchin My Belly Grow And Knowing I Was Gonna Have A Baby But My Addiction Was Still Strong Finally I Left The Hotel And Went To Live In A Shelter For Women And Children...i Cried So Hard When I Left Out The Hotel Room Because I Knew It Was The Start Of The Beginning Of My New Life....may 4th 2006 Was The Last Time I Got High The Next Day I Went To The Hospital Because I Was Having Pains And They Did A Blood Test And Told Me I Had Cocoaine In My Blood I Asked If Dyfs Was Gonna Take My Baby They Said They Will Be There....i Had A Choice That Day Drugs Or My Child And I Chose My Child....i Went Home To The Shelter Cried I Was Changing And It One Was Gonna Take My Son I Was 5 Months Pregnant....well A Week Later I Moved Home And I Started Going To Another Outpatient One I Been To 3 Times Before And Never Completed I Never Completed Any Outpatient I Was Determined To Change My Life I Knew I Had A Choice And I Knew I Wanted To Best Choice For My Son...i Still Talked To Brian Because I Was In Love With Him But I Knew I Had To Take Care Of My Son I Thought He Was Gonna Change Too...well That Whole Summer I Was Getting More And More Anxious To See My Son....
On September 16th 2006 10 Days After My Due Date At 5:25 In The Morning My Son Jayson Daniel Was Born He Weighed 8lbs 11oz 21 Inches Long...when I Heard His First Cry Tears Started Flowin I Was A Mom!!!....i Created A New Life He Was This Time I Was 4 Months Clean And I Knew I Was Takin My Baby Home My Mom And Dad Were Right They Were By My Side And My Aunt Was My Nurse....we Styed In The Hospital For 2 Days The Day I Was To Take Him Home I Looked At The Papers And Saw Mother And My Name Right There In Black And White....and The Proof Was Right There Sleeping In My Arms.....i Completed The Outpatient A Month Later And Still Go Back Once In A While....yeh I Got Craving To Get High But I Knew I Had A Choice And I Chose To Stay Clean....i Did...on Saturday I Will Have A Year Clean...there Were Times In That Year Where I Was Around Cocaine,alchohol And Herion And Times I Was Even Asked I I Wanted Some But I Made That Choice Again And I Will Continue To Make That Choice....i Choose My Family And True Friend Over Drugs Now....i Most Of All Choose My Life I Lost Atleast 6 People That I Knew In The Past Year From Drugs And I Will Probably Lose Lots More Friends To Drugs But Right Now Today I Know I Am Alive And I Am A Mommy To A Beautiful 7 1/2 Months Old Baby Boy Wit Red Hair And Blue Eyes And I Will Be The Best Mom I Can Be...i Dont Know Who Jayson's Father Is Nor Do I Care I Was A Prostitute And I Was A Crackhead I Was Homeless And Lost Now I Am Found I Thank God Each And Everyday For Giving Me My Son , And Being Alive I Could Of Died But He Gave Me Another Chance......he Gave Me Life....i Have Hep C And Am Now On The Treatment Which I Started A Month Ago I Have 44 More Weeks Of 7 Pills A Day And A Shot A Week But I Know That It Is What Needs To Be Done So My Son Will Have A Mom....i Went Through So Much **** Over The Years I Know I Will Get Though The Son Is My Life Now....i Dont Regret One Thing That I Did In My Past And I Will Never Forget Where I Came From I Still Live With My Parents And They Are The Greatest I Just Recently Cut Off Brian Completely He Is Still Living In Camden Homeless And Still Getting High... Once In A While Me And My Best Friend The Godmother To My Son And One Of The Only Friends Who Stuck By Me Through Everything Will Drive Through Camden And Bring A Homeless Person Something To Eat...i Actually Brings Tears To My Eyes When I See The Smile And Hear The Thank You And God Bless You Come Out Of Their Mouth I Know How They Feel I Know What They Are Going Through I Feel Their Pain I Was There Wow I Have Been Clean For A Year Andit Is Just The Beginning Of My New Life....i Love My Son With All I Have And I Will Not Do Anything To Hurt Him Ever And I Know That If I Pick Up A Beer Or Take A Hit It Will Hurt My Son And I Know I Have A Choice And My Choice Is To Be Clean And Take Care Of My Sure I Left Out About 100000 Pages I Could Sit Here For Days And Just Type And Type....but To All You Strugglin Addicts Out There Stay Strong Forgive Yourself And Let Go Of Your Past U Can't Change It U Can Just Accept It That Is What I Did And Iam So Proud Of Myself I Did This On My Own I Chose To Walk Out That Hotel Room,i Chose To Leave The Man That I Was Hanging On To...i Chose To Change My Life I Chose To Be Clean....i Know For Some People You Might Not Understand How I Just Walked Away But I Can....i Chose Me And My Son Over Was Harder Then It Looks But I Did!!!

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