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Re: Oxy and anxiety
May 19, 2007
Thanks for the reply Zeroman. I am kinda thinking about a kindof voluntary detox of sorts. I know this is going to be brutal but I think it will accomplish two things in that it will save me taking the pills for a 2-3 days plus it may lower my tolerance just a bit to where I should be ok with 2-3 pills per day as long as I dont be an idiot and take more than I'm supposed to. I have been living alone so its way to damn easy to screw up with these pills. I am leaving to go be with my fiance about 12hours away from here and she's excellent company. Plus she understands my situation and is totally supportive. I think it will be a much better environment for a detox and a change of scenery instead of being couped up alone in my house day after day. I hate that I have gotten myself into this mess yet again and I am continually beating myself up over it. I dont like the person that I've become. I have never really had something scare me like these oxy's have and I'm getting off them as soon as I possibly can. I am prolly going to have to run another scrip of them to slowly taper down but its funny to say but I cant wait until I'm back down to taking Norco 10's again. That is so damn sad but oh so true. These Oxy's are absolutely nothing to be fooled with. I should have known I was asking for trouble but I'm always one that has to learn everything by screwing up.
Another thing, what I'm planning and the reason I'm attempting this controlled detox or whatever the hell you wanna call it is this. If I run out and have nothing left and detox that way, if I get really sick and feel like its an emergency situation developing which I cant say that it wouldnt turn into that because I have never been on this much medicine before, I will be screwed and would have no choice but to attempt a trip to the ER which may or may not yield anything. They may tell me sorry bub, youre on your own. See ya later. At least by doing this voluntarily, I have my fiance that can give me a Lortab or something just to take the edge of the deal if my heart rate goes thru the roof or something else really freaky. Do you think I am over reacting? Is there really a possibility of something like that happening to me? I have been taking about 180mg average of oxy per day (6 of the 30mg instant release tabs), for about 12 days. Before that I was on the same but 15mg for two weeks but went thru those as it was a scrip for a month and I killed them in 2 weeks so you could say I have been at this level of 180mg for about a month now.
I am so scared. I really am. I dont think I have ever been this scared in a long time. I dont think it would be so scary if there was something other than more pills to help take care of it. Thats why I dont want to just run out and not have any more. I may not even be able to detox. I may not be able to handle it....Dammit. I hate this. I hate thinking about it. I am so sorry to whoever I pissed off that has caused me to have to have such a screwed up personality that I cant even take a damn pill correctly and have to abuse the ****. I just wish I could go back in time to where I never even touched the ****. Any of it. Lortabs, Vicodins.....any of it. The only thing going for me right now is my wonderful fiance that wont give up on me. She has never been judgemental and always has supported me no matter how bad things have gotten. If it wasnt for her in my life, I cant guarantee that I would be here typing this sad to say. I dont even want to go there really.
Thanks for listening..........l8r





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