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A Good Thing
Jun 1, 2007
Hello Everyone:
Well, I haven't been starting any threads, just responding to people when I can... I want to thank you all. Even just reading your stories helps me so much, I can't begin to explain how much you all mean to me.

Today marks the beginning of my second month clean. I went all of May without using. When I quit the first time (August 2006), I allowed myself to take Valium, sleep-aids and other narcotics because I felt that I would not be able to sleep naturally.

You see, even before I became a full blown percocet addict (January 2005), I have been a liberal pill-popper for years. NyQuil, Tylenol 3's, Valium, Xanax, whatever... I've realized that the act of taking the pills (much like smoking) itself was a routine that I was addicted to.

This time... it's different... I'm different... allow mw to tell you a bit of my story.

At the end of April, on a Thursday night, my fiancee and I had a fight. My fiancee never knew that I was an addict because I am a master at hiding it. That night, all I wanted to do was my usual routine (pop 4.5 percs at 8ish, smoke a joint and hit the couch). Well, I hadn't planned on this fight. It was a doozie... The fight lasted a couple hours... at that point it was like almost 11pm, and although I was expecting to Jones hard by then, I was alright... I decided that with so much on my mind, maybe popping 4.5 pills wasn't a great idea, so I took 1 and went to bed. By the way, at this time, fiancee and I had made up (It was one of those "good" fights - necessary - and we kissed and made up). So at last, I felt peaceful and went to bed.

The next day, I was determined to follow through with getting clean. I felt I had already taken a step the night before by changing my routine, and I stuck with it. That was Friday - I continued my taper over the weekend and was done by Monday.

I have not taken a pill since. No Valium no sleep-aids, nothing at all. I took melatonin for a couple days to get some sleep, but stopped that too. I experienced some pains in my right side that scared the heck out of me, so I decided that I will either sleep naturally or not sleep at all. I am happy to say that I now fall asleep regularly and stay asleep all night. I feel better than I have in years.

Of course, the depression kicks in after the"pink cloud" fades, and I have been trying my oh so hardest to keep that under control. I'm doing alright.

Today was a big day! I do not suffer any pain issues - I was on the drugs only because I liked the way they made me feel (for a while). I bought them from a dealer (was spending SO MUCH cash). When I quit, I had 20 percs left. Although at times, I heard them call my name - I never caved, but I also didn't want to flush them. Today, I got rid of them - I gave them back to the guy I got them from, and wished him well with the rest of his life.

Sometimes, we addicts hang on to things like a security blanket. I feel so great that they are gone, that even IF I wanted to, I can't take one anymore... now I feel truly FREE.

Sorry for the long ramble, but it just feels so good to say it.

Again, thank you to all - you are my inspiration!

Paul





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