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Addiction & Recovery Message Board

Addiction & Recovery Board Index

Well All,
As some of you are probably aware from my other ("Novel Story") thread, I am trying to kick a 15-25 mg Hydro habit (not much by some standards, but too much by any). I have been using for the better part of 6 months, and the only reason I can't stop isn't because I can't deal with the WD's, it's just that I can't deal with them and continue my everyday life. I own a business, I'm married, and losing a week to lay in bed and sweat it out is not even remotely feasible. I am no stranger to drugs, but I am a stranger to addiction. In the past, I've always been able to pick them up and put them down with no ill effects, except with this, it's the physical addiction that keeps kicking me back down. Unlike many, I suffer no form of depression that I know of. I love my life, I love my job, I love getting up everyday even when I'm going to go through wd's. Instead, I'm just very angry. I'm pissed at myself for getting to this point, and just want to forget that I ever let myself become physically dependent on anything. I'm not sure if this is a normal reaction, or a sign of depression, but it is what I feel more than anything else.

Because of this board, I've come to the realization that if I just continue trying to taper down on my own, I'll probably never get better, and in fact, will continue to make it harder on myself when I do eventually stop. NOBODY knows that I'm addicted, not even the people who I get them from (I have multiple avenues for obtaining these stupid pills, and I change it up so nobody knows just how consistent my usage has become). I have never seen a Doctor, nor spoken to my Wife about this, and I have been scared as hell to bring anyone in from the outside.

Over the weekend, I began making phone calls and left a couple of messages for Doctors, and didn't hear back. So, this morning, I made more calls. I literally called down the entire list of docs in my area (from 50+ of them, until one finally came on the phone. He told me that he does Suboxone treatment, but does not use insurnace. $350 for the first treatment, $150 thereafter. Something about it didn't sound kosher to me, so I kept calling other Doctors. I just hung up the phone with another Doc, who explained to me that there are a lot of "quacks" who do the "Cash and Carry" method, but in a month, I'll just be hooked on Suboxone. He told me that he could see me discreetly, through my insurance and could give me medications that would do the same thing as Sub, but are not opiate-based. This could be done outpatient, and would not appear to the insurance companies as a treatment for addiction. He said an inpatient detox with Subs puts you into some database (he rattled off the letters, starting with M...) and everyone would know from my records that I had an addiction, which is exactly what I'm trying to avoid.

He said he has seen three other attorneys this week, and will keep everything as discreet as legally possible, and without the use of Subs or anything else that will form an addiction. Anyway, I made an appointment at for 4:00 this afternoon, and I'm going to go in and I will report back here what happens.

Thank you all again for giving me the push I needed to bring someone else in, and most importantly, to understand that I'm not alone in dealing with this. I hope to God that this works and I promise to do everything I can to see it through. I look forward to telling you what the Doctor tells and does for me and I hope that maybe I find something that can help someone else here going forward.

Wish me luck.

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