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Hi Everyone,
I am posting here for the first time in awhile, after my self-imposed exile due to not feeling so well. I am now at day 31 opiate free (got my 30 day key tag at my NA meeting last night!) and thought I would update those interested in how I have been doing. I really thought that, by this time, I would be feeling better physically than I do. But, I guess each person's body reacts differently to detox and I was ingesting so much crap for so long that maybe it's just taking my body a bit longer to "come around" than some of the other posters on this forum.
Don't get me wrong, I am feeling SO MUCH better than I was 2 1/2 weeks ago when I took myself to the ER in such a state of anxiety that I thought I would just die. At that time, I was given a script for Librium to help get me through the rough time. I know I was only taking them for two weeks, but I SWEAR that my addictive body was already getting hooked on THEM because it has now been 3 days since I took any Librium and I am feeling some of those same 'ole familiar withdrawal symptoms (chills, sweats and noticeably increased anxiety)...though on a much lesser scale than when I CT detoxed off the hydros and darvocet. Since I had not slept in something like 7 nights prior to going to the ER, they also gave me a script for ambien which, like a lot of other posters, I am scared to take because I don't want ANOTHER addiction to have to overcome. I have taken a pill here and there sporadically to get SOME sleep and I am starting to see that, even on nights I do not take an Ambien, I am actually getting about 3-4 hours of natural sleep.
I went back to work a week ago Friday and immediately faced the most stressful week of my retail career. As I stated in one of my earlier threads, I recently got promoted to store manager of a major department store (and then immediately went out on LOA due to the detox for almost a month...good Anyway, we just got a brand new district manager assigned to my area and my first day back, I got informed that she was coming the following Thursday (2 days ago) for a store visit to meet her store managers and tour the stores. With me being gone for nearly a month, my store looked like an absolute wreck. So, I found myself in a situation where for 6 days straight, I had to work from 7am til 11pm to get the store cleaned up for the visit. At least I didn't have too much time to think about withdrawal symptoms....but my anxiety level was through the roof. We got the job done tho, and my visit went very well, which made me feel good.
The strange thing was, after this visit was over, I expected to get a feeling of extreme relief or release from the anxiety....and the exact opposite happened. I ended up that evening in a very bad panic attack, feeling desperate again. So, I immediately hopped in the car and got my fanny to my first NA meeting in a week (working such long hours prevented me from getting to a meeting). I cannot stress to those who have never been to an NA meeting just HOW BENEFICIAL they can be. I always leave with a feeling of inner peace and a sense of well-being. Fellowshipping and sharing with others in the "same place" as me (who UNDERSTAND what I am going through) is so medicinal.
Having no opiates in my system, my neck and back pain had returned to such a severe level that I could not bear it any longer, so I went back to my regular doctor. I am now on Cymbalta for the neck and back pain. I have been taking that for about 10 days and am just starting to see some relief. I was told that takes a couple weeks to start working and supposedly it is also an antidepressant, which I can certainly use!
So that is where I am at as of today...not feeling great, but managing. I know it will only continue to get better as the days pass. I will try and post again now that I am starting to mend and will visit the "berry patch" more often.
Once again, I thank all the wonderful people on this board who have shown such compassion and concern through my worst moments. I couldn't have done this without you guys.

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