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Addiction & Recovery Message Board


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Sweetie,
I am feeling for you right now...I want you to know that you have someone out there that doesnt even really know you beyond these words on this post and that you dont know either rooting for you..You will begin to get better though probably slower than you would like..I mean your brain,body and spirit are trying to recover from basically 17 years of opiate misuse/abuse..Thats a long time of supplying your body with external/chemical endorphins so it may take you more than a couple of months for your body to catch up and start producing its own natural ones.If the exercise at the gym is causing you to feel that bad I would say to quit going for a bit..Is your job at work physical?You said that you are physically active at work so maybe its enough for your body to handle at this time..I know they say exercise is one of the best ways to get out there and get those endorphins pumping but between work and the gym it may just me to much of a good thing..Sex is another great way to get the endorphins flowing..Chocolate is also supposed to good for it to..I wish I could give you a time limit..You know like in so and so days,weeks months you will be back to your old self but I cant..I wish I could.Just dont be scared to ask for help,dont be afraid of getting a sponser having someone to talk to that knows what you are dealing with can go a long way in dealing with some of the depression.From what I understand sponsers arent just there to help keep you from using,they are there as a solid support system for you to lean on.I truly do feel for you though because I have been there..One of the main reasons I relapsed when I went completely off opiates wasnt the cravings for the drugs but the deep dark black hole of depression I couldnt shake.So I know all about those feelings that nothing will ever be right in your world again.Nothing brings you joy and even the flowers have seemed to lost their colors and foods their tastes.. That is one of the reasons this last time I decided I was done I chose MMT as my recovery method of choice and I am glad I did as its what was right for ME..I had used for years starting with an accident that left my back a mess and a large mass on my brain that causes horrible headaches.At first it was just taking the meds as ordered never more often or at a higher dose and escalated to the point of snorting oxycontin while wearing 2-3 fentanyl patches just to keep the sick away..I did 3 stints in detox centers followed with a couple weeks of rehab..I would go for a few months clean but finally get to the point where I broke down and took something..I fought the war within myself that was between the part of me that was old school(you are weak and cant stay clean because you lack will power) and the part of me that accepted the science(you have done damage to your endorphin system and therefore may need a medication to level you out and allow you to function as normal)Old beliefs are hard to break.When I finally accepted the fact that I could get clean and stay clean on my own but sacrifice happiness and sanity to do so or I could work a program like MMT and allow myself to live life to its fullest..Sorry for the long post I truly am not trying to push you towards MAT or any other treatment as I believe that is a personal choice to be made soley by the individual as to whats right for them.I just wanted to try and let you know that I DO know what you are dealing with right now and truly feel for you...My thoughts and prayers are with you...

**~*~**HuGz**~*~**





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