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Addiction & Recovery Message Board


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Hi everyone-

Reality can indeed be a chore at times. Incredibly mundane, yes. Easy to take for granted, definitely--but worth every bit of sacrifice we've had to make to experience it with a clear head, absolutely!!!:)

I am new posting to this board (although I have been lurking for a while) and I have a little over 9 years in recovery. I am going through an issue with taking pain meds for a relatively short period of time (as prescribed) and am currently beginning a taper. I find myself re-experiencing a lot of the old thought patterns (self-pity, anger, anxiety, etc) that I used to have, even after all this time. The thought of experiencing opiate withdrawal again, even on a low level, makes we go into panic mode and doubt myself. My sponsor says if I needed the Norco legitimately and am tapering as directed, there's no problem--but it still scares me--a lot.

It just goes to show that continued recovery and commitment to sobriety takes diligence, and all we have is a temporary reprieve from our addiction contingent on our willingness to continue to do what is necessary to maintain it.

Anyway, when I detoxed from heroin in 1998, I thought that once I felt better physically, everything would be OK. Little did I know that's when the real work had to begin. I had to accept the fact that I AM NOT MY DISEASE!!! Even though I was self-centered for so long, I was still basically a good person and that I was not a bad person trying to get good, I was a sick person trying to get well.

My biggest challenge in recovery by far has been complacency. I've seen quite a few people with quite a bit of "clean time" go back out and use over it. By far the greatest enemy. It's so easy for me to settle into day-to-day existence and lose perspective of where I came from that it takes a constant effort to remain grateful that I even have a day-to-day existence.

But I am convinced that if I hadn't gotten clean when I did, I would probably be dead now. And fellowshipping with other people in and out of AA/NA has saved my hide on more than one occasion.

I have a much different quality of problems than I did 9 years ago--now they are trials and tribulations of a mundane existence. Work, school, family, responsibility. All the things my extended adolescence robbed me of back then are the things I forget to be grateful for now. Every once in a while I have a serious gratitude attack. I wish I had more of them.

Thanks for reading. I'm not sure I made any sense but I'll probably stick around here a while. It's too bad it took what I'm going through now to find this board.

Scott

HA! I just realized this board is censored. Guess I'll go back and clean up some potty mouth before I post this. :nono:

There it is. The PG rated version. For some reason, that really surprised me.





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