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He has been drinking for almost 15 years now. What started out as just drinking socially in highschool progressed even more when he went to college, then when he was around 23ish he worked with all these people that did nothing but party. They got him addicted to cocaine also, he would do so much of it and stay up for days at a time, then when he was coming off of it he would drink himself to finally pass out and get some rest. This happened for probably around 3-4 years straight. He got 2 DUI's and finally had to spend a few days in jail and lost his license for a year, which is when he moved back home with his parents and realized he had such a problem and went to rehab. Rehab helped him a lot, he also went to AA meetings, etc to help with his alcoholism. He has been diagnosed with the disease by several different doctors, and it also runs in his family.

I met him after he got out of rehab a little over 3 years ago. He was completely sober for 2 years, then we went through a rough patch, his job is really stressful and it was getting to him, and he started hanging out with old buddies he grew up with and got right back into the drinking mess again. As an alcoholic, he is a totally different person when he drinks. When he starts drinking, he stops going to work, he constantly will argue with me, or his parents, he forgets little and big things...I could go on & on. At this point in time, I couldn't handle anymore, and since I don't agree with his drinking since he has such a problem, we weren't getting along, and I was there as support to help him out if he needed it, thing was - he didn't want it. He wanted to do what he wanted to and he didn't care who said what, or what his parents and I suggested to try to get him sober again, so we ended up breaking up.

We weren't together for almost 9 months, during this time we would still talk, but it was usually a phone call around 4 or 5 am when he was totally out of his mind & ridiculously drunk, or the next day when he was laying in the bed so hungover that he felt like he was going to die. He wanted to get back together but at this point I realized just how severe his problem was, and told him that unless he agreed to get help and stop or let me and his parents help him out, I didn't want to put myself in that situation.

In January of this year, his grandfather (also an alcoholic) passed away. I guess it was a rude awakening for him to lose someone so close, and he somehow realized what life is all about, and called me up wanting help, agreeing he had had enough of the drinking and wanted to stop. So for the last 6 months we have been back together. He still craves alcohol, and has actually broken down and drank about 3-4 times since we've been back together. All those times he did drink, he lied to me about it because he knew how upset I'd be (sometimes I lose my patience because its hard for me to understand what he is going through that makes him want to drink). He has been seeing a counselor off & on but has had a hard time trying to find someone he can trust and talk to. He actually has an appointment this morning with another counselor that he thinks he will really like, so hopefully he will be able to lead us in the right direction. I personally think that he needs rehab again, or needs to attend AA again or something. One of his doctors has suggested meds to help him stop craving the alcohol, which he hasn't yet decided if he wants to try because we don't know enough about them yet. He does know that he has a problem, and he doesn't want to drink...but every so often he says his mind just stops working and when the stress gets to him so bad, he finds himself at the gas station buying beer and doesn't even realize what he's done till the next morning when he wakes up and can't remember when or what he did the night before. He'll drink till he passes out, he says drinking makes him feel "normal". His drinking has almost killed him before - before rehab he got extremely sick and was put in the hospital. His liver was starting to fail, and the doctor told him he had to quit drinking, that one more sip of alcohol and he would be dead. His temp was spiking to 106, they'd ice him down and get him normal again, then back up it went. This went on for about a week and they didn't think he would make it out. He did, thanks to many prayers and our very gracious God.

I understand that alcoholism is a disease he will always live with. He has to be the one to choose to stay sober - and I just really hope we can get things back on the right track once again. I get so tired of worrying about him sometimes, but I love him so much and feel that he really needs my support, so I'll always be here for him, even if it makes it hard on me. A friend of mine has suggested me going to Ali-non meetings to help me in coping with living with an alcoholic, so I am actually considering it. As far as the alcohol withdrawal symptoms, he seems to feel much better today, and maybe it wasn't that at all - it could've just been a stomach bug. I don't know, but any support from any of you going through the same thing is so appreciated. I feel so alone.

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