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about detoxing.

First of all I have read and reread all the posts about detoxing and understand the process, but when you are considering it for real, you just have to ask things so I hope some can just bear with me.

I started on Norco about 3 years ago for severe pain. I was taking 2-7.5/325 three times a day for 2 years but the last year I have ended up taking anywhere from 9-20 a day. I have NO idea why I did this to myself.

I am 43 years old and am just now suffering the effects of being terribly emotionally abused as a child. I have hidden so much of this from myself but as a mother of a 14 year old son, I have seen my parents now emotionally abuse him and it has all come to a head.

I am so sick of these pills and they do nothing for me but now I have to take them to even function. I don't know how I used them as prescribed for 2 years and then let myself get into this mess and I am furious with myself!

I don't want to take them anymore, there is nothing about me that wants any part of this anymore. I am in counseling now for my emotional issues, I have gotten back in church and the last thing I need to do is kick this crap.

I have long suffered from severe panic attacks from the childhood abuse so I have access to xanax. I have taken xanax for 14+ years and have never abused it or had to change my dose. That is another thing, how can I have used xanax responsibly for so long and yet I did this to myself over the Norco.

I just want to do the home detox plan and get on with my life. These pills are starting to take over my life because I have to get about 6 of them in my system in the morning to even get going and I hate them!

Now, I have gone from being a high energy perfectionist to being a couch potato. I still keep the house in total order, but I don't do anything else. I have lost myself and do nothing with my life.

I just want to climb in bed with my Nyquil, xanax, heating pad and muscle cream and just do this. I started on the supplements 3 months ago to prepare for this so I know they are well established in my system. I have my slim fast in, my gatorade and soups and easy eats.

The only thing I have left to do is do it! I even did a 2 day trial 2 months ago to see what it was going to start to feel like. Yeah, it was hell, but not more of a hell when you are literally facing taking a big handfull of pills to just get started in the morning. I also never sleep because this point in addiction has ruined my sleep.

I have a script for Trazadone ( anti-d) that I used to take. It is very sedating so I have that I can start up again for sleeping and to help with wd's and it will also help with depression.

I am totally set, why can't I just make myself do this? I mean I know I am not only serious, but ready because I have put all this effort into getting ready to detox, why can't I make that last step? I am even dreaming of flushing the 240 Norco tabs I have sitting on my kitchen counter!!! That would be such a victory feeling!

If anyone has any advice, tips or just support, please, I need all of it.

Thanks in advance and thank you for all the wonderful posts this board offers!


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