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Addiction & Recovery Message Board


Addiction & Recovery Board Index


Hey diezel,

I'll be going back tomorrow (to the hospital) to have another procedure performed - to remove the cells via cryotherapy (freezing/burning) and hopefully all will go well. I have a very bad infection at the moment - which is why I have to wait to have the "main" surgery. My doctor can't cut me open and remove the cancerous parts when my body can't fight the current infection. Thats just asking for more trouble.

I won't say anymore - cause this post should only be about addiction, however the stress I'm going through regarding my surgeries and hospital stays, is making it SO tough to NOT fall back into the quicksand.......

Believe me, I've pondered at least 50 times - to go and get some oxy's. I am so stressed out, so depressed, worried, scared etc. that it would be SO easy to justify buying those little green pills and finally having a "good" day :( I put the sad face there, cause the thought makes me so sad. I could actually justify popping a couple oxy's because of all the stress I'm under :(

I had an opportunity to get something for the pain while I was in the hospital. I declined. I was so proud of myself. My doctor offered me morphine every 4-6 hours (at my discretion) as well as 1-2 percocets every 4 hours. Can you believe I said no?!? My gyn-oncologist has no idea about my addiction, nor do I plan to tell her (unless I find myself "wanting" to ask her for pain meds - hubby and I already discussed this) at least not yet, anyway.

I am a wreck right now :( I am going through withdrawal (and you all know what I'm talking about) so imagine having to stay in a hospital room with someone else who also has cancer and IS receiving pain meds :( It was/is SO tough. My roomie talked a little about her cancer, and the little button she pushes if she needs more morphine. Alot of times, I'd go out for a smoke or pretend I had an important call to make regarding work - if she started talking about narcotics (I just couldn't take it) :(

My stay would have been a little better if I had a private room - however there weren't any available. Hubby and I have insurance coverage for a private room but they were all taken. I really do feel this was a test for me.

I was in quite alot of pain (from the infection) and my doctor mentioned several times about pain meds - but I just said no thanks and stuck to advil and tylenol. She told me I was a trooper and was VERY surprised that I declined narcotic pain meds considering the severity of the infection, and the amount of pain she anticipated I was in. Wow, she was SO correct!

Thanks for your concern diezel - your support is greatly appreciated. I have to be at the hospital early in the morning, so I'm off to bed. I took NyQuil about an hour ago - and its hitting me like a Mack truck now lol.

I hope everyone is fast asleep in their comfy beds right now - not experiencing any wd's (like I am :( ) I'll be able to go online at the hospital. I am bringing my laptop - and can use it in any of the lounges :) So, pending privacy and/or firewalls for certain websites - I'll be in touch, and thank you to all who have read this. Also thanks in advance for your replies...at this point, I "really" need some thoughts and suggestions - I am so afraid that I'll have a set-back (I even picked up my phone today and started dialing "a number" but hung up quickly and went for a walk).

Well, have a great day everyone,
Sincerely,
emsmom





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