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Addiction & Recovery Message Board

Addiction & Recovery Board Index

Okay, so here it goes.... First post.I have been taking hydrocodone for about three years. It was originally prescribed for a back/disc injury that I incurred on duty. As the story goes I needed more to get the same effects and ended up taking about 10-13 norco (10mg hydrocodone/ 325 tylenol) daily. On my days off I coupled this with alcohol. Needless to say it caused problems, mainly with my marriage and failure to be the best father I can be. I see everyone saying the same thing I said, and say. "It made me happy. I need it for energy." Unfortunately this is true for a while. Before you know it you are strung out though. When I ran out (on a monthly basis) I had severe withdrawls. Ever watched the movie "Trainspotting"? Yeah, the whole skin crawling, cold sweats, stomachache, baby crawling on the ceiling, could it get any worse type of withdrawl. I learned after a couple of years that I had to taper as best I could but sometimes I just couldn't keep my hand out of the cookie jar. I am not a scumbag junkie (and i am not implying anyone else is). I am educated. I have a great family and job. THIS CAN HAPPEN TO ANYONE I now realize and does to approximately seven percent of all prescribees (National Institute on Drug Abuse). I should have known better but I didn't heed the warning signs. Likewise, when my wonderful wife dropped the bomb that she was about to leave me three weeks ago I was crushed ! She had all she could take of the monthly withdrawls, mood swings, lack of family engagement, and deception about if or how much medicine I was taking. I have been clean for two and a half weeks now. I called my pharmacy and pain management doctor and told them I can no longer take hydrocodone or any other opiod because I am incapable of taking it as prescribed. I am going to counseling (couples and individual) and seeing a psychiatrist for depression and anxiety medication options. I am also planning to seek another doctors opinion regarding my back and see what non-narcotic options I have. Whew ! This was a lot of typing and I'll wrap it up. Oh, and to answer the originally posted withdrawl question: physical withdrawl subsides after about three days but may re-emerge briefly around day 5 or 7. The depression lasts a couple of weeks so dont be afraid to see someone about it even if it is just for depression medication but be honest. I never felt so good as I do now when I tell the right people the truth about the mistakes I made. They are very supportive. I am refusing my psychiatrists demand to go to drug rehab however. I don't mean to stop short of doing everything I can but I am drawing the line. I hope its not th wrong thing to do. My wife gave me a list of written stipulations I must meet to keep her and they are all selfless. They revolve around getting help and stopping the self destructive pattern. I whole-heartedly aggreed and I am working frantically and daily to meet my end of the bargain. She is staying as long as I earn it and the glint in her eye and affection in her voice is slowly returning. I am just so remorsefull that I buried her feelings for me with lies and caused her so much pain. I thought I had found the miracle drug that made me the person I thought I should be; energetic, playful, "happy", relaxed. I couldn't see the forest for the trees. Being pleasantly numb is not happiness and all that I avoided over the years is still there for me to deal with. Not to sound to AA cliche but I am really doing this "one day at a time". I would not object to anyone including my family and marriage and maybe even me in their prayers.

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