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Addiction & Recovery Message Board

Addiction & Recovery Board Index

Hey Rosetat:....And ALSO MICHELLE since i need some advice/support:

I've been on the 2mg for about 1 1/2 wks. I dropped to about 1.5mg 2 days ago. I feel so ashamed and horrible right now bcuz i took 2.5mg today.. :( :(
I was having such a hard time today with anxiety, which i can normally handle,,,but then around 5pm i started feeling REALLY depressed. I have depression even when not withdrawaling, so it is really bad for me. I felt so down, like i had a dark cloud following me and i couldn't snap out of it.
So i gave in and took that extra 1mg. Now i feel like crap and i hate this!!!!
Another thing is that I lowered my anti-dep. to 10mg (from 20mg) about 2months ago bcuz my doc. wanted me to be on as low a dose as i can handle bcuz i want to get prego. Well i've been doing fine on that 10mg, until the past few days. I usually start feeling down at nighttime, but tonight it was unbearable. So i also decided that i'd go back up to 20mg until i'm done with this tapering so that i don't put too much stress on myself right now.
I know that the 20mg will get in my system and start to make me feel better, but i just couldn't handle it tonight and i took that extra 1mg.
So i'm feeling guilty and like i have set myself back. I'm planning on going right back to 1.5mg tomorrow and i hope i can stick to it.
It's so hard bcuz my husband works so much and when he is home, it is frustrating for him and me when i'm sick/depressed. And i want to be at my best so we can spend some quality time together.....but it's hard when i'm going thru this. Plus, it doesn't help that he's always in a good mood, never sick, and has no clue what depression is like. So i know he must get frustrated with me......AND to top it off....i have NO LIBIDO and have had NONE for months!!!!!
Blah, blah, blah....i'm crying the blues tonight, but i hope tomorrow is better.
ROSEY, keep at it....i swear this is true: if I CAN DO IT, ANYONE CAN! I just need to prove to myself that I CAN! I've failed consistently at everything ive tried in life, and i'm full of self-doubt. But i'm trying to work on that and fill myself with positive self-talk instead of the constant berating of myself.
So i'm planning on dropping to 1mg very soon....i know that rushing it isn't probably the best idea, but at this point with me feeling yucky anyways, it seems more worth it to hurt worse for a shorter period of time than to keep stretching it out.
I didn't sleep last night, woke up every few minutes tossing and turning.....and that greatly affects my next day. I woke up today feeling fatigued and weak and worse headache bcuz of crappy sleep.
Please keep me in your prayers and i will keep praying for you guys also. I can't WAIT for the day when i can come on here and FINALLY be proud of myself for something!!
Let's do this together and support eachother! Subaxone Sisters!!!!

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