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Hello all! I am new to these boards but have been reading your posts for some time and found them very helpful. I am not sure if I should be in this section or the chronic pain section, but here is my story. Hope someone can help me with question about my taper!

I am a chronic pain sufferer who was put on narcotic therapy during some procedures and then the issues that resulted from those, then was diagnosed with breast cancer and that was a whole other issue. The story is really too extensive to get into because it doesn't affect the result. Bottom line was I was referred to a pain clinic after going through the percocet, vicodin trials, and they put me on Oxycodone. It started off inoccently enough at 5mg tabs. After 2 years, my tolerance just kept going up and they kept increasing to to the point they wanted me to put me on other meds because I was on so much. I didn't want to add and I didn't want a change. The truth is, I stopped needing these meds a year ago. I don't know why I stayed on them. I know i am physically addicted and there was the fear of coming off, but the truth is, I became dependant on them and I didn't want to stop them. I liked the way they made me feel, and even though i was hardly feeling them anymore, it was just enough to not want to quit! I knew that it was wrong and I lied to my doc, who I love, and feel like a horrible person for it. I don't know what want went wrong. I never had problems with drugs before. But now I was an oxycodone addict and I really had no intentions at that time of stopping but I knew I had to. I have never detoxed so I didnt even know what to expect, I had only heard here how horrible it was. At the end of July, I decided to just stop them to see if I could and maybe to scare myself into stopping because I had tried and failed already. (I never got past the craving stage!!!) I was on 180 mg 2x a day. (sometimes more if I took it every 9-10 hours instead if every 12 hours) Well when the 12 hour mark hit I though I was fine. Little upset stomache, little hot flashy but nothing major. I was driving home from work and BOOM, the worst panic attack I had ever had hit. I can't even describe it. It was like something was horribly wrong and I can't even tell you what it was. My head felt huge and numb and my skin was crawling. All I knew, is that I had to get home and take my meds. It is a wonder I didn't kill anyone in my race to get home! I took them and waited painfully for 30 minutes before the feeling went away, during that time feeling so sick I thought I was dieing. That was a wake up call. That is when I knew how serious this was and I KNEW I wanted off. I didn't like the control it had and how bad it made me feel about myself and when I tried to come off seriously. What if I lose my presrcription while out of town? What if someone steels them on a weekend? I became so freaked and obessed of what could happen I bought a safe and would count my pills several times a day to make sure i had enough to my fill. I hated that feeling. But it was the wake up call I needed. I went to my doc last month and I fessed up. I told her that I don't need them anymore and wanted off. She was understanding, and assured me i wasn't alone. I had to promise to me honest and I had to sign a contract. She then asked if I wanted to rapid taper or slow taper. I first tried the rapid taper. She made it sound easy. Being that I work full-time and couldn't take time off, I found out quickly that was not the way to go. Within 1 day I couldn't even get out of bed. It was like no energy, horrible depression, eeby geeby feelings, yuck! It was much worse than I could have imagined and I finally understood why this drug is so hard to get off of! So I had her change me to the slow taper. So far, with the exception of some anxiety/panic attacks and some mild bone aches, I have been doing fine. Almost too fine! I just pay attention to my body and take it one day at a time. It has been slow but I am now 120 mg less a day! There are times where I bump up a little just to get that feeling again, and then I feel so guilty, I punish myself by dropping a lot to feel crappy just long enough to remind myself that it isn't worht it! It is hard. I do miss that feeling. I hope that I can continue at this pace. I feel like it is almost going to well right now. I am expecting the worst.

So my question is, will there be a point where I will go through withdrawals again even at this slow taper? Because I read these posts and not one person said what the result of a slow taper is. Is there a plateu like weight loss, where you have a hard time getting past? If so any advice? What happens at the very end? Will I still have bad cravings weeks later like others have said who did the rapid taper, or does the slow taper help with that. The reason I am asking, is because this is so slow. And if I am going to go through this anyway, why bother going slow? I just want to know the benefits/drawbacks from someone who had done both ways. Also, do you think I need help like a counselor to find out why I got addicted to them in the first place or is it pretty normal? Should I get on an anti depressent? Sorry for all the questions, but I am just so terrified of this and so new to it and I really feel very lost and alone right now.(maybe this is a side affect!) Thanks for listening!!
[QUOTE=wheninrome1313;3253563]Hello all! I am new to these boards but have been reading your posts for some time and found them very helpful. I am not sure if I should be in this section or the chronic pain section, but here is my story. Hope someone can help me with question about my taper!

I am a chronic pain sufferer who was put on narcotic therapy during some procedures and then the issues that resulted from those, then was diagnosed with breast cancer and that was a whole other issue. The story is really too extensive to get into because it doesn't affect the result. Bottom line was I was referred to a pain clinic after going through the percocet, vicodin trials, and they put me on Oxycodone. It started off inoccently enough at 5mg tabs. After 2 years, my tolerance just kept going up and they kept increasing to to the point they wanted me to put me on other meds because I was on so much. I didn't want to add and I didn't want a change. The truth is, I stopped needing these meds a year ago. I don't know why I stayed on them. I know i am physically addicted and there was the fear of coming off, but the truth is, I became dependant on them and I didn't want to stop them. I liked the way they made me feel, and even though i was hardly feeling them anymore, it was just enough to not want to quit! I knew that it was wrong and I lied to my doc, who I love, and feel like a horrible person for it. I don't know what want went wrong. I never had problems with drugs before. But now I was an oxycodone addict and I really had no intentions at that time of stopping but I knew I had to. I have never detoxed so I didnt even know what to expect, I had only heard here how horrible it was. At the end of July, I decided to just stop them to see if I could and maybe to scare myself into stopping because I had tried and failed already. (I never got past the craving stage!!!) I was on 180 mg 2x a day. (sometimes more if I took it every 9-10 hours instead if every 12 hours) Well when the 12 hour mark hit I though I was fine. Little upset stomache, little hot flashy but nothing major. I was driving home from work and BOOM, the worst panic attack I had ever had hit. I can't even describe it. It was like something was horribly wrong and I can't even tell you what it was. My head felt huge and numb and my skin was crawling. All I knew, is that I had to get home and take my meds. It is a wonder I didn't kill anyone in my race to get home! I took them and waited painfully for 30 minutes before the feeling went away, during that time feeling so sick I thought I was dieing. That was a wake up call. That is when I knew how serious this was and I KNEW I wanted off. I didn't like the control it had and how bad it made me feel about myself and when I tried to come off seriously. What if I lose my presrcription while out of town? What if someone steels them on a weekend? I became so freaked and obessed of what could happen I bought a safe and would count my pills several times a day to make sure i had enough to my fill. I hated that feeling. But it was the wake up call I needed. I went to my doc last month and I fessed up. I told her that I don't need them anymore and wanted off. She was understanding, and assured me i wasn't alone. I had to promise to me honest and I had to sign a contract. She then asked if I wanted to rapid taper or slow taper. I first tried the rapid taper. She made it sound easy. Being that I work full-time and couldn't take time off, I found out quickly that was not the way to go. Within 1 day I couldn't even get out of bed. It was like no energy, horrible depression, eeby geeby feelings, yuck! It was much worse than I could have imagined and I finally understood why this drug is so hard to get off of! So I had her change me to the slow taper. So far, with the exception of some anxiety/panic attacks and some mild bone aches, I have been doing fine. Almost too fine! I just pay attention to my body and take it one day at a time. It has been slow but I am now 120 mg less a day! There are times where I bump up a little just to get that feeling again, and then I feel so guilty, I punish myself by dropping a lot to feel crappy just long enough to remind myself that it isn't worht it! It is hard. I do miss that feeling. I hope that I can continue at this pace. I feel like it is almost going to well right now. I am expecting the worst.

So my question is, will there be a point where I will go through withdrawals again even at this slow taper? Because I read these posts and not one person said what the result of a slow taper is. Is there a plateu like weight loss, where you have a hard time getting past? If so any advice? What happens at the very end? Will I still have bad cravings weeks later like others have said who did the rapid taper, or does the slow taper help with that. The reason I am asking, is because this is so slow. And if I am going to go through this anyway, why bother going slow? I just want to know the benefits/drawbacks from someone who had done both ways. Also, do you think I need help like a counselor to find out why I got addicted to them in the first place or is it pretty normal? Should I get on an anti depressent? Sorry for all the questions, but I am just so terrified of this and so new to it and I really feel very lost and alone right now.(maybe this is a side affect!) Thanks for listening!![/QUOTE]

Hello,

So sorry to hear of your predicament but past experience tells me that no matter how much you taper when you quit altogether there is the dreadful withdraw. Sorry to make it sound so harsh because I have truly found a real compassion for those of us who are in pain and have to take these kind of meds in order to have a decent life, but it is what it is and if as you said you really dont need them anymore its better to go through it and step off the train at once. Over a period of time your guily feelings will go away and you will be suprised at how different your life is without it. I have a very good friend that went through the same thing and she has been of pain meds for 8 mos. now and is beggining to realize just how much better off she is. GOOD LUCK:)





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