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Addiction & Recovery Message Board

Addiction & Recovery Board Index

Heya granny

Had to chuckle when I read that you were afraid to tell Mom. When I started smoking again ( I had quit after the cancer), I was so terrified of ANYONE finding out, but Mom was at the top of the list. When I was withdrawing from the narcotics, I told her and some other close family members.. like my adult children. Man, the shame in spilling my guts was awful.

I think my confession was totally selfish. During the high anxiety of withdrawal, I just couldn't find the strength not to light up sometimes, so I spilled it. It was totally selfish. When I told my doctor ( and he is right up there with my Mom for me), he said, "Okay, we are works in progress. Get through this and tackle the smoking next."

Now 'next" has come knocking at the door. I am going to have to dig deep again, just like during detox and withdrawal, and tackle it on a practical level. It is different in that my [U]thinking[/U] is already fairly straight on the matter, but the action of withdrawal has to be faced. Time to dig, dig, dig. With the other drugs, I was always able to rationalize that I was seeking pain relief. Nothing to rationalize with the nicotine except pure, unadulterate pleasure seeking. I know this, and yet continue. Gotta find that resource of resove and get it into motion. TODAY, I start with no smokes in the car at all for me. TODAY. Also, the 'time stretches' between lighting up. I am going to stay away from the computer more as computer time definitely has become smoking time to me.

Okay, this is it. I start. I am going to read over on the smoking board and find some inspiration and hope to stop this horribly unhealthy behaviour. Time to start baby-stepping again.

With hope to find hope in this

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