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Addiction & Recovery Message Board

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Hmmmm.. Eric's sponsor in NA is just that... an NA sponsor. Not God. I am sure he is giving Eric what he sincerely believes is the best advice, and for that I admire him. However, while there are some things that are senseible and wise pieces of advice, sometimes NA sponsors can be off base. I think maybe he has not listened well enough to really hear Eric's plans for this marriage.

We don't plan when to fall in love. No control over that. Smiles. What we [U]can[/U] plan is a responsible course of action if we decide that the love found is going to lead to a permanent partnership. From what I read, Eric has done exactly this. He is biding his time, waiting to get financially responsible and is showing maturity in so many areas of his life.

TO ERIC......

I am sure that you hold this man in high esteem. And well you should. He cares for you, he wants the best for you. I feel sure of this. I know it must be disappointing to not have him share the excitement you feel in your engagement. Eric, this guy is almost like an extra parent to you. ( Cripe, you sure have a bountiful of them with all of us on this board alone! Chuckles). And like even the best of parents, there comes a time when a child must say, "Parent, you are wrong on this. You are not seeing my side of this and my side is legitimate." I have had to hear these words Eric, and I lived through it. My suggestion to you is that you face this problem and attempt to deal with it. I believe you need to have a meeting with this man outside the auspices of an NA meeting. Stop skipping meetings because it will not solve the problem. Meet with him as a man because you are a man now. Explain that you don't feel he is truly hearing you about the engagement. There are no plans to elope, but a plan to stay together planning a future with this girl in a mature, thoughful manner. While you still may need much guidance in sobriety, he is squelching your growth as a man who he becoming more and more responsible. he needs to honer that you are, indeed, learning to handle yourself responsibly and that it is hurtful for him not to acknowledge recognition of this growing maturity. Be frank. His constant badgering about the engagement is starting to become a real hunderance to your participation in NA, which you know is beneficial to you. Let him know that you appreciate his intentions, but will not allow any longer conversations that belittle the romance. Hope that he can deal with this. if he can not, then a new sponsor would have to be put into place. It happens sometimes. Eric, what is not a good decision is to avoid meetings in order to avoid this man. Please understand that I write with kindness when I say that would be such a step backwards in handling problems that crop up. Can not hide from them because that course of action will always come back to bite us in the touchy. Face it as a problem, deal with it with maturity.

Hugs to Eric and Mama

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