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Need some help
Feb 8, 2008
I've been "lurking" on these boards for over a year, but I think its finally time to join the family. I just feel like I have to share my story so everyone will have an understanding of me. I was raised in a very close-knit, loving family by my mom and my grandparents.

I currently live with my longtime boyfriend and our two young children (ages 2 and 7) in a FEMA rental. We became homeless on August 29, 2005 (the date Katrina came ashore). We lived a few miles from "ground zero" and our house was destroyed. We spent over a year in a FEMA travel trailer (way fun with 2 adults and 2 kids ). :( Fortunately, I was the only one in my extended family that lost my house, but the bad part of that is that no one seems to understand how hard it is to still not be back home. My living situation has added additional stress on me, and between being homeless and fighting battles to try to get back into our house (we have to demolish and rebuild, but can't do so until the grant program says its okay), my stress levels have gone through the roof, as has my pill consumption. I am currently making more money than I ever have, and can't even pay my bills. I can't pay my older child's tuition for next year because I spent the money on pills. The other day, I woke up and realized that I'm going to be 30 in a month, and there is [I]no way [/I]I'm going to turn 30 as an addict. So I went online and found a suboxone doctor, who I saw this morning. He gave me Subutex and an antidepressant, and hopefully things will start changing for me. The problem is that I don't have any friends (all my time is spent with my kids - they are my whole world). My boyfriend is narcoleptic, which means he sleeps ALL the time. He works, and he sleeps, and that's it. So I don't get any help from him with the kids, and he doesn't have time to talk to me about my problems. I'm not really close to anyone at work, and my family can never know about this problem, because none of them ever used and wouldn't understand. They would see it as a failure or a stupid decision on my part. They consider me the "smart one" and this would disappoint them to no end. Plus, my mom might even consider taking my kids away from me if she felt that I was allowing them to live in a bad environment.

I guess what I need is some support, some pats on the back that I'm doing the right thing, and that it will get better. The thing I'm most afraid of is the depression. It has been debilitating in the past, and the pills have been masking that for so long. Now that the mask has come off, I'm afraid to see what's behind it.

Can anyone tell me what I can expect to be feeling for the next several days?? I'm on the Subutex for one week and then next Friday he is going to put me on Suboxone. From what I understand, they basically hook you on the suboxone, but since it has that "built in anti-overdose" medicine, you don't take the additional meds to get high, and once the narcotics are out of your system, they wean you off the Suboxone slowly until you are done with all of it. Is my understanding accurate?? Any help would be appreciated! God bless all of you for being part of this wonderful community.





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