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Good Morning all.

Baja WAVIN in as usual. Officially one week clean starting day 8.:bouncing:

I am going to start my diary here on this thread. I'll just post here and keep it on top.

Bass, Acapt. You guys keep helping me with your posts too.:)

Well I feel GREAT today. :cool:

I only got about 4 hrs sleep last night. I seem to be in some type of swing cycle with sleep. I got 7+ the night before and the night before that I only got about 4hrs. Every other day I get good sleep. And again today I don't feel as tired as I did yesterday when I got twice the sleep.

Like everything else I'm sure it will level off.:D

No aches at all.:)
Very tiny bit of anxiety but I handled it without Meds. Relaxation, Meditation.
My eyes are getting better I can tell. I still get worse at night but I might just be tired.
I feel very productive today.:D

I am pumped and have no desire to slip. :nono:

No sign of PAWS. I'm following instructions to keep them to a min.

I am going to stay away from the caffeine today at least cut to half and see how I do. I think that was what brought on what I thought was anxiety yesterday.

Everyone have a great day and check in with me.

:wave:Wavin at REACH, Bass, Acapt, Tat, Jules. Bless you all.:angel:

Peace
Baja
:D
[B][U]Hey all. Mornin![/U][/B]

Baja goes to day 11 clean!!:bouncing:

Feel great and back to normal, Really!
Got about 6-7 hrs sleep. Keeping myself busy physically really helps wear me out and I sleep much better.

I got up this morning and went out for a smoke (It's 3 degrees F outside, OUCH) and I actually smiled, looked up to the sky and said to myself "Hello Life":)

I didn't even have to run for the junk first to get that feeling. All inside me now. WOW.:cool:

I love the pink clouds.....:bouncing:

No signs of PAWS jules. I'm keeping my eyes on that this time. Thanks again.

I got a busy day today, a bunch of running around to do and maybe some skiing again?

I just gotta say thanks to all of you here. [B][U]Bass my Bud, your post got me here to I feel I owe you. I prayed and god sent me here.[/U][/B]

Things are also moving along with the wife as well as can be expected. It will be a long hard ride but I know that it is the road out not the road in.

Good morning to you TAT. I know your watching.:D

[B][U]God Bless all of you[/U][/B]:angel:

:wave:Waving at:
reachout
bass11
acaptainn
Angiejr2
DroopyEyes
Executor
harleybiker24
Jinters
jules3
kate26444
logalind
mk7657
oh-notagain
silentmayhem
Spork Schivago - I'm Praying for you Bud.
tat2duser
Winnie31

And anyone else I couldn't think of.
You have helpped in ways you will never know.

Peace.
Baja
:D
[B][U]Morning Friends[/U][/B]

Here I am on day 14.
What can I say but WOW.

I feel great. Now signs of W/D's at all. No sign of PAWS either.
I'm riding the pink cloud..

Things are working much better with the wife and we are on the same page now which make me feel soooo much better. I really needed that one!

I'm Praying for the strength keep on keepin on.

I have yet another chance at life. I am not going to head down that road again.

I chime in later.

Bless all of you.

Thanks so much.

Peace,
Baja.
Well here I am. Clean a full two weeks and working on day 15!!

I don't miss it a bit.
I am still getting the yawns a little bit from time to time but other than that I am sleeping 6-7 hrs per nite and I feel really great.

I am also handling the caffeine much better. I still don't drink as much as before but it doesn't WIG me out like it was doing last week.

No signs of PAWS. I actually find myself dealing with lifes natural anxiety and depresion situations that arise even better NOW. I am feeling more and more NORMAL each day!

I used to think the Hydro and Oxy added performance and maybe at first it did but it soon fell off and I couldn't cope. It was an evil monster like a drug dealer that hands out free samples to get people hooked and then just laughs when one feels like one can't live without the crap. Just another junkie they must think.

MAN I'm gald I got off the Junk.

I'll keep chiming in to keep you all posted.

Keep on Keepin' on.

Thanks again to all.

Mornin' TAT.. I know your smiling right now.
Hugs to REACH..

Peace.
Baja
Boy I wish I knew that one Angie.

I say that because it is her that also has to recover from me. I want her trust back. Her confidence in me. I want my man card back. The sex would be a major plus and would help things move along quicker I think.

[B][U]I'm on day 20 and feeling great still. No Paws. Lots of energy. Positive attitude. Just like before I put the Ox on my back.[/U][/B]

I'm in the same situation with my sex life. My Psychologist said to me if I want things to get better "go home and screw her". That is a quote. Well as you know thats eaiser said than done. We have two kids that already inhibit the sex life then throw work and this wonderful stunt I pulled on top and she is not interested. She also sometimes works long hours and is tired too.

I even went and got fixed so we could be more spontanoius but no luck yet. My Psychologist says to keep a positive attitude and keep trying. He said to me to just keep "messing with her" and sooner or later she will be in the mood. Again, time and patience. [U]Just keep messing with your hubby.[/U] You never know what will happen. My Psychologist also said to go into the situation knowing you might face some attitude from her, some negative comments and be prepared for the NO if you get one. Then I wouldn't feel as hurt and more positive about trying again and again until I get me some. :-)

We have to prove to them thet we really do love them and didn't mean to hurt them. My wife knows I love her but he (Doc) means the passionate kind of love not the I you have for a friend or parrent or one of your kids.

My wife is afraid that she will put her trust back into me and I will just let her down again and she says she just can't take that. This will take time to earn back and patience.

With her speaking to my Psychologist it helped. He has explained that with the proper medication and regular visits to him and my med Doc I would have no problems. The big factor is my (OUR) sobriety. Don't forget that one. I will stay clean and keep talking to her and slowly things will come back.

I put myself into her shoes and I don't blame her a bit. I would be pretty pissed too. She knows I'm a smart person, she says I'm smarter than her so she is puzzled about the addiction thing. she will say, "Your smart, didn't you think about that before you did it?"
I guess I'm smart but also an addict (recovering) and that clouds the thoughts.

My Psychologist thinks I also have something called Hypermania? or Hypomanina? I think the first one, not sure. He says it is a very mild form and I have most likely had it my whole life and just never noticed. I am very high energy (Hyper active and can't sit on one place for very long unless I'm doing something), I like fast powerful hobbies (Down Hill Skiing, Dirt bike racing, Off Shore Speed boats, Motor Cycle road racing) and I go overoard when I get passoniate about something. Good for work and money, bad for drugs and booze. He seems to think if I get on the proper medication and under the proper supervision I would have not trouble controling it. He said if I was passionate about controling it I would have great success. Sounds like and oxymoron And I don't like the Oxy part. :-)

From a guys point of view on the sex thing at least mine at this time just the words O.K. and I'm ready to rock on :-)

I can't speak for your hubby but maybe REACH might have some more wonderfull insight on this with all of her wisdom. She may chime in on this one.

Just hang in there and stay clean. Just like the W/D's. it will pass and he will get interested.

I can tell you one thing, us guys can't go for long without, at least me. I never would stray from my wife and never have, not to crude but sometimes us guys have to take matters into our own hands if you know what I mean:-)

Just be patient, He will be back. Keep on Keepin' on.

Big hugs

Peace.
Baja
Good Morning everyone,

Well I can't beleive it but I'm on day 21!!
I feel great still.
Things are up and down with the wife but all in all I know it will be O.K.
I have put into Gods hands and he never lets me down.

I don't have any signs of PAWS. I'm eatting good, drinking lots of water, taking suppliments and thinking clearly again. I even gained back some of the 15 pounds I lost while in W/D. 6 foot tall 155lbs was a little skinny.

What a wonderfull world this is when seen thru sober eyes. It still amazes me why I would think I would need something to try to make it better??

It doesn't get any better than sober. I see the true colors and feelings of life without the numbness of Dope.

I fixed the Oxy problem now I am working of fixing Baja.

Thanks to all.

I will be here posting and helping others as best I can.
This is my home away from home.

Peace.
Baja

WAVIN at Reach, Big Hugs.
Thanks Reach, You too have been an inspiration. I have read many of your posts. I understand this will be a life long battle. I might not be able to Fix Baja but I can get the maintence I need to say on the correct road. Clean and happy.

Hey Angie, I just got back from skiing actually. Went with my Mom today for about 3-1/2 hours. I live about 5 mins from a ski hill here. A nice one too.

We only got about 3-4 inches of snow. I'm going to go plowing in a bit. I own a plow rig and make some money on the side. The only bummer is the hours. I will most likely plow all night to get caught up. Can't plow until lots are empty and they all want them clean by morning. I don't mind. I plow as a subcontractor for a company and they pay between 50 and 75 dollars per hour (double over 4 inches). Sometimes flat rate for big lots and I can make 100 or more per our if I go fast (double again over 4 inches). I spend lots in Gas. My rig gets about 4-5 miles per gallon pushing snow. It costs about 15 to 20 dollars per hour just to run the rig depending on how deep and heavy the snow is. Thats if I don't break anything.

Havin' a blast here and feeling great.

My Med Doc. said I was doing great. He said maybe I could quit the cigs towards the end of March. He said to wait until then and he will let me know. He did give me a script for some chantex so when I was ready I could go for it.

I also got some free samples of Lavitra :-)
Maybe I'll have some luck with the wife the week :-)
Always prepared just in case. That stuff is wicked good. Like the energizer bunny if you know what I mean.

Well I have no sign of PAWS and me Doc said he had heard of it but also said I would not have a problem with it. I guess the dosages and duration of usage has alot to do with how bad you get it. Also your personality and other factors he said.

No Worries here.

Peace.

Baja.
Thanks firelvr and everyone else.

I'm on day 22 today.

Sleep is back to 6-7 hours which is normal for me. I am up by 5AM at the latest even on weekends unless I stay up real late.
Eating is great.
Anxiety in there but at what I would consider normal levels. Life is full of anxiety, I can fight it now not hide behind a pill or bottle. Not really any depression at all?? No PAWS either.
I do get the yawns from time to time but I think it might be those damn Cig's.

Meeting with the Mind Doc on Thursday. He has me starting another med. It is called Lamictal ?? Not sure on the spelling. I looked it up and it is for Bi-polar which Doc has said I am showing symtoms of hypermainia (I guess that is being way up for long periods of time then only crashing once in while) I really don't have a crashes down when I'm clean, Always way up on the hyper side. Busy Busy Busy. He says this will help bring me down a notch without Narc's or booze. He said it will help with my hyperactivity and is NOT addicitve. I made it clear I would refuse a Narc at this point in my recovery and he agreed.

Things with the wife are still like a roller coaster. I can deal with it now that I'm clean. Would make things easier if she was always positive but I understand her feelings.

Just like the saying, Sometimes the truth hurts. I told the truth and it hurt. I guess I told the truth for ME. at least I don't have that lurking around my mind bringing me down.

On the journey to fix Baja Now. Good Bye Oxy, Hydro and booze.

Well everyone have a great day!! I know I will..

Peace.

Baja
Good Sunday Mornin' to Everyone.

I'm on to day 26 today, I fell excellent!
Only got about 5-1/2 hours of sleep last night but I have been getting between 6 and 7 normally. I went to bed kinda late last night and my internal clock still wakes me up at 5:30. I won't consider that a Bad Habbit. I have never used an alarm clock in my life. My Mom is a retired School teacher and I was taught good disipline habits.

No signs of PAWS or anything like that. Just reality setting in and I am dealing with life really well.

The anxiety is and depession and managable on my own. I don't feel the need to hide and also don't have any cravings.

Hope your All doin' Fine.

As Always,
Peace.
Baja
Hey Hey Hey,

I'm on day 28!! That makes FOUR weeks Clean.
No Urges and No signs of Paws either.
Just a bit of the Yawns still from time to time.
Sleeping is normal for me as a hyper active person. I got about 6 hrs last night.

I wanted to do a huge WAVIN to all today and a special Hi to Lori (In Cali) and REACH!!

Thanks to everyone here I got the help to find the strengh to get clean.


As Always,
[B][U][I]PEACE.[/I][/U][/B]
Baja
Hey Baja.

You're doing great, man. It's good to hear that PAWS didn't happen for ya.

So, you're off to the rigor of higher education. Good for you, bud. You'll like it. I think that 186 credits get you a bachelor's degree, but that only happens if you stick with your discipline. I had 220+ credits because I liked the learning process and kept switching majors.:dizzy:

mike
Thanks Mk And Laurie,

I feel good about the college thing too.
I have had no signs of PAWS at all. It might be because I suffer from hyperaticivity?
My Shrink calls it Hypermania. I think that sounds like I'm a crazy person but I know I'm not. I just have way too much energy and think too fast. I also have AADD he says which goes hand in hand with the Hypermainia. I'm on a med for that but I still am hyperactive.

Good news about the wife.
I got on some other boards and bought a couple books and followed their suggestions.
One thing I learned is to stop trying so hard, not be so needy. In a way just be there as a friend but basically give up trying so hard to make things work. I was also told to quit sayin the words "I Love You" ? Two days ago she was having a tuff time. I remained cool and didn't beg for forgiveness as usuall. I just told her I understood and I believe that if you love something then let it go. I think that really hit home with her. I told her I was going to make arrangements for a place to live away from her if SHE decided she wanted me to go. I was kind and understanding and I told her I didn't like to see her hurting. I said it was up to her and she had to make the decision but I would support her in what ever decision she made.

Man what a 180 on her part. I think as soon as she realized I was not going to fight and willing to do what ever she decided she did a 180. I know we have a long haul but she called me three times during work yesterday and each time she told me she really does love me. I still have not said the words I Love you back, I just say "I know you do honey."

She sees me going back to school for a RN position. She said she thinks I should go for computers. I am not only great with computers (Programing, building, repairing, networking, servers, you name it) but I love computers too. It would be my first choice for a happy job but I have to realistic (I have no college in computers, I'm self taught so I would need 4 to 6 years of school to get a good job). RN jobs are in the highest demand and I love to help people so I feel I would be just as happy in that field (I can get my RN in 2 to 2.5 years). I love to race dirt bikes too but I can't make a living at it :)

Well yesterday she was in a great mood and opened the doors for conversation, Meaningful conversation this time not [U]Baja Bashing [/U]as usual.
I also told her I had to go for the college for ME. I would need a way to support myself and my children if her and I were together or of we were not.
I think the "I don't give a shit attitude" is working. Don't get me wrong. I am not being cocky or cruel or mean, I'm just suggesting to her that I would be fine with what ever she does. I do care but I am not showing the crying and begging as I was earlier.

I think that she likes the fact that I am willing to take that task on and be strong.

I might be getting my [U]MAN CARD [/U]back soon :)

Oh , Today is day 31 for me. I made it ONE WHOLE MONTH without the junk :)

I hope this gives everyone hope that it can be done. I am a real person with feelings of anxiety and depression just like all of you out there. I have had to dig deep and hold on but it is sooooo worth it when you start to see the benefits. They are small at first but with hard work they get bigger and bigger. Here's a thought, Maybe the benefits don't actually get bigger but the fact that I'm seeing the world thru sober eyes magnifies them. [U]I'm going to go with that one [/U]:)

I really think there is hope for all of us.

Thanks again to every one and thank God it's Friday!!! TGIF

As Always,
[B][U][I]Peace.[/I][/U][/B]
Baja
Hey Baja,
I am so glad things are on such a positive up-swing for you. Sounds like some great positive changes you are making for yourself. I myself am doing well. I think I am on day 10 now!!!! No pain pills. I am feeling great, sleep is still an issue though. Sigh......Can I ask a question?? What is PAWS? I have never heard the term.
One thing I can recommend that I got for myself was the book, "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. It is a great book on how to learn way your wife and you speak to each other through the five languages.
1. Words of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch
I had to read it for pre-maritial counseling. Great book to discover what your language is vs. your wife's love language.
Anyway just a thought...
Have a blessed day! You are doing great!
Sending you a wave!!!
Laurie
I'm on day 35 and feeling just fine!
All the signs of W/D's are gone.

PAWS stands for Post Aucte Withdrawal Syndrome. If you do a search for it your can find more info on it. I wouldn't let it bother you but it is good to know if you start to notice some of the symtoms happenig to you. I never experienced PAWS both when I detoxed of booze and this time with the pills. I did a post here asking about it also.

I wouldn't get all worked up about it because some people get it and some don't. Everyone is different.

Hi Lori!!

I did get a couple of books on relationships and comunications with the wife and have learned some pretty good stuff. They are about stopping or preventing the divorce process.

Well I just got home and the kids are getting off the bus so I'll be back later.

Thanks again all.

Peace.
Baja
Hey D and Notperky,

No cavings for me D. I really don't miss the junk? I am happy for that.

Hey Perk, I quit the cigs many times before. One time for 10 years and everytime I get stressed out I would start with just one here and there and you know what us addicts do. Well I am smoking just under a pack a day. I plan on 5 days to CT the cigs because I will be out of my supply. Not that it isn't easy to get more, but I don't like the way it makes me feel and I know it is not good for me.

I will give it another round and hold on this time. My medical doctor didn't want me to quit too soon and fall down with everything again. He says baby steps. I feel up to the task and I am ready to quit for good this time.

I made it to day 44 today and feel great. I will be 44 yrs old in a couple months so yesterday was my age day clean if there is such a thing? :)
Sleep is fine and no signs of PAWS either.

Everyone have a great day.

thanks for all the support!

As Always,
Peace.
Baja
[QUOTE=bajaboats;3439414]Good Morning all.

Baja WAVIN in as usual. Officially one week clean starting day 8.:bouncing:

I am going to start my diary here on this thread. I'll just post here and keep it on top.

Bass, Acapt. You guys keep helping me with your posts too.:)

Well I feel GREAT today. :cool:

I only got about 4 hrs sleep last night. I seem to be in some type of swing cycle with sleep. I got 7+ the night before and the night before that I only got about 4hrs. Every other day I get good sleep. And again today I don't feel as tired as I did yesterday when I got twice the sleep.

Like everything else I'm sure it will level off.:D

No aches at all.:)
Very tiny bit of anxiety but I handled it without Meds. Relaxation, Meditation.
My eyes are getting better I can tell. I still get worse at night but I might just be tired.
I feel very productive today.:D

I am pumped and have no desire to slip. :nono:

No sign of PAWS. I'm following instructions to keep them to a min.

I am going to stay away from the caffeine today at least cut to half and see how I do. I think that was what brought on what I thought was anxiety yesterday.

Everyone have a great day and check in with me.

:wave:Wavin at REACH, Bass, Acapt, Tat, Jules. Bless you all.:angel:

Peace
Baja
:D[/QUOTE]
How is life now that you are deep into recovery?
Thanks Capt.

"Just keep on keeping on" Like Yoss says.

I'm on to the battle of the Cigs now that the Oxy is behind me. It is not as dificult as I thought it would be. Just like the Oxy I got myself all worked up for really nothing. I am only on day 2 for the Cigs so I'm sure I still have a some work to do.

I can tell you that I really feel great. When I was on day 2 off the Oxy I couldn't say that :)

I feel the Cigs are just a habbit for me really. I don't have the physical withdrawals and only a little anxiety.

I am just used to getting up in the morning and going outside and having a smoke shortly after I get up. Just habbit I guess because here I sit and I haven't gone out for my smoke. It feel like I am fotgetting something more that quitting something.

You and the wife just remember you can always taper slow. It is better than not tapering at all :) Slipping is not full blown usage again either. So you keep stopping for piss breaks. As long as you know the way out you will get out Bud. I know you know the way out.

I can't even begin to tell you how much better I feel having my life back on track. Almost 2 months for me can you believe that !!

I start school (college) soon and things are getting better with the wife slowly. We had a real good heart to heart a few days ago and worked some things out. What I got out of it was that she wasn't going to leave and she would drop bashing me all the time about my past mistakes and that I HAVE TO STAY CLEAN. She didn't say that but I know I must be clean to perform to the best of my ability.

Thanks for chiming in. It is nice to hear for you :)

P.S. Don't let that PAWS thing bother you. I didn't get it this time or when I detoxed off booze 8 years ago. I did enjoy the pink cloud while it lasted. That was my favorite part. I can tell when I go back and read some of my old posts. It makes me laugh to see how excited I got.

Tell your wife I said Hi too. I'll be praying for you two.

Wavin out to everyone. Thanks for all the help!!

Thanks to all.

As Always,
Peace,
Baja
_________________________
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders.





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