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I was going to post this on Justink's ambien thread but then thought about just posting out here in the world.

Lots of times we give the advice "be straight with your doctor" and, if you're like I was, you're really scared about that. Here's some of the reasons I was scared, so let's compare/contrast - you know, like the SATs.

a. My doc happens to be a personal friend and I was terrified to disappoint her for all those times I called on a Saturday at home after running out of Norco.

b. I was terrified of being cut off cold from a 120mg/day addiction.

c. I was afraid she would talk to every other doctor in this area.

etc etc.

So when it came time for the inevitable refill, I *emailed* (I have a doctor I can email, call at home, call on cell, etc. She's not Dr Feelgood but I also feel I have been an Oscar worthy actor and she TRUSTS ME. Which made me feel like the biggest tool in the workbench for lying all these months.). This is what I said:

My gallbladder post-op pain is non existent except for some very occasional deep twinges where things are moving around. My lower back has healed almost 100% (I went from a physical job to a desk job, which she knew) and my TMJ headaches are almost a rarity.

I feel like I have [B]no medical need to take these pain pills anymore, but when I just tried stopping them, I felt like I had the worst flu I've ever had.[B] Can you suggest a tapering schedule because I don't think I can just do this cold turkey?[/B][/B]

She called me (at home - nice) and wasn't judgemental or mad. If anything, she said she knew how hard it was to stop taking them and she was proud that I had figured out ON MY OWN medical need vs crutch. (not her words). So then my proactive doc took my actual dosage (I didn't lie, she didn't flinch because it was the prescribed dosage, I just didn't tell her that I gulp 3 at a time or 4 at a time) and cut me down on the hydro (7.5) and we've been weaning down little by little.

I'm not there yet and it's been BY GOLLY a little hard. Mostly mentally although I'm so sick of runny noses. But the peace that Baja always talks about is true. In my case, I feel so GOOD that I "told the truth" and therefore kind of closed the door to further addictive levels/dosages/refills (I hope that makes sense.) I put told the truth in quotes because I feel like I didn't tell her how badly this had turned into an addiction and not pain relief.

But here's something to chew on: sometimes, full disclosure isn't necessary. I told her what needed to be said. I just didn't have to turn it into my confessional. Dear doc. I don't need them anymore. Help me do this slowly and sanely. Your friend, Droopy eyes.

I had been panicking for months at each refill that she was going to point at me and say NOOOOO, you shouldn't need these anymore!!!

Here's my peaceful result:

a. when I call her for the next refills, there's no PLZ PLZ PLZ don't let this be the time she pauses on the phone and says, "We need to talk about your still needing these, come into the office Monday."

b. I use one pharmacy (Target - I hope it's ok to post that here, if not DON'T BAN ME, WARN ME) and one only. I don't refill early, attempt to. They know my name and actually said, "You're the most cheerful customer we have." If they only knew how I was when I went to Costco and Walgreen's....I'm cheerful because I know I don't look guilty because [I]I'm not doing anything wrong.[/I]

c. There's an end in sight. I want to be Baja and happily posting another day of sobriety. I want to sound like Reach. I want to be there for the newbies. I like being awake at work and not "Droopy Eyes", nodding off.

I'm sorry this was so long, but I believe in paying it forward and I know a lot of people don't fess up with the doc but here's the thing. The doc takes an oath - do no harm - and while there might be that one out there that gets PO'd and cuts you off, I bet the majority won't. Hope this helped, or was at least entertaining reading.

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