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Addiction & Recovery Message Board


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Day 12
Apr 22, 2008
Sorry,guys, dont want to start too many new threads but I feel like I'm way past the "day 6" thread,so just kinda felt like I needed a new one...*lol*

I HAVE NOT USED IN 12 DAYS.

Didnt mean to yell, but thats how I feel right now. My head feels right.
I have been an oxy snortin pill fiend for a long time, whatever opiates I could get my hands on, like I said b4, I didnt know if I could or would ever stop. There was a point where I was snorting heroin for a bit. Like I said,whatever I could get. Oxy,heroin, percs,vics, methadone, etc,etc. You get the picture.What a freakin' loser.
My body still hurts. I have no energy yet.Wierd, body is no recovered yet,but my head is ultra-clear. I have actually caught myself crawling! at home because I havent even had the energy to stand up. Just tells me how bad of a druggie I have been.

I'm not looking for "cool!, or good job" or anything like that. (altho I gotta say it has helped...*lol* I just want to show here that if even a loser druggie like me can quit, then jeez, anyone can. meddguy said it good. you gotta want it or it just wont work. I half-assed tried a bunch of times. I must not have wanted it bad enuff those times.

Did I mention I havent used in 12 days? *laughing*

Boy,it feels good to laugh.I've lived in a drug-induced fog for a long time.
By not using, some of my brain must be coming back, because I've been getting some ?? endorphins, "feels goods", natural high feeling the last couple of days. Will be nice, after more time goes on to feel good again.

Just wanted to say that its possible to quit using drugs. I'm still wicked scared,tho. Of using. and going back. I dont think that'll ever go away.
Maybe being scared will help keep me on my toes...I'm just fresh,still,at 12 days,of being clean...what will I feel like several months down the road...will I still be scared and on my guard...I think I never,ever can forget just how bad I was....how bad my CT withdrawls were...I cant forget those things or I'll be right back where I was.

I think I'm starting to ramble. Am I even making sense?

peace to all, and God bless.

Thanks for listening.

jerry.





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