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I posted a thread the other day asking advice about what point in my taper I should stop taking percocet. I haven't had anything in about 2 days now and so far so good.

It's so difficult to describe how I feel. In some ways, I feel better. In other ways, I feel like crap. My head feels clear in a way that it hasn't in 4 years, but at the same time my body hurts. I am physically exhausted from my muscles constantly tightening up on me and I've been getting bad headaches. Add the fact that I feel like I "need" to take something and it can get pretty frustrating. But then there are moments when I feel wonderful... I was on the phone earlier tonight with my boyfriend and he got me laughing pretty hard and it was incredible. I felt that "feel good" feeling that you get when you laugh a lot and I haven't felt that since I got on this medication.

It's just amazing. I really had no idea how much this medication affected me until I came off of it. The best part is knowing that I'll only feel better the longer I'm off of it. That's what keeps me from taking it.

Part of me is still so paranoid that I'm going to end up in extreme pain again. The last time I tried to come off of it, I ended up in the emergency room because of how bad the pain was. I think the longer I'm off the medication, the more comfortable I'll be about that. It's just a difficult mental adjustment... I need to remember that I can manage my pain without taking 2 pills every 4 hours. I can't wait to be able to go out again and not have to carry around a bottle of water and medication with me if I'm going to be gone longer than 4 hours.

Anyway sorry about the length of this.. I just feel so happy with myself for even getting to this point. When I started the taper, part of me felt like it was pointless and like I'd never be able to get off this medication. Now that I haven't had anything for 2 days and KNOW it's out of my system, I feel like there's hope that I can stay off of it.





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