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Sick & Tired
May 13, 2008
Hi everyone...I'm not feeling so good and need a place.

I have been off norco for a MONTH and I still am having diarrhea. The anxiety/depression - I don't think it is/was from withdrawal (maybe some of course) but I think I have masked my professional unhappiness with the norco.

I have been at my job for 6 months. It is so hard to go. Now that I'm clean I am having panic attacks. I'm a very black/white, things fit in my puzzle cleanly kind of person and this job, while full of inane regulations and processes, has so many nuances that I can't make anything "fit". The sad part is...I am good with the public, and good with co-workers. A newer employee actually told me she thought I was a supervisor when she first met me because I told her all those little dumb things that Lifers to get your key to do your time sheet...blah blah blah.

I LOVE people. I love explaining complicated things and I love paperwork and forms and all that crap. But my job is GREY...where it should be black and white and this morning I thought my heart was going to race itself to an ER.

I'm only on more Ativan and I can't say the Ativan helped. I need to see a doc, I know, but I have no time off accrued since my gallbladder-ectomy.

Today I told my mentor (who does know about my last month and isn't mgmt and is going through leukemia and no one knows but me) that I DO NOT WANT TO DO THIS JOB SAM-I-AM. And she said, "You know, it ain't for everyone."

She advised to come home and tell Wife, who has been really worried about me, that I want to resign. You all know how I talk about Wife, who said exactly what I knew she would, "RESIGN". And "we'll figure out the money, we always do." (which..we always do although it seems we never have any).

So I have decided to get rid of the other toxin in my job...and find something else. I saw a posting for a someone to help Vets and well, that's for me, paycut and all. I hope I get that job.

As soon as I told Mentor that I wanted OUT ...all the panic and depression STOPPED. The diarrhea, however...worsened. I went to the store and bought stuff you'd buy for the flu...and I'm hoping it'll all kick in soon.

My point...30 minutes later, I haven't reached for an opiate or wanted one even though I know I'd "feel better". The stoppage alone would be nice but I know it's not healthy for me.

I hope this anxious fog lifts and I figure out next steps professionally...and my body continues to re-wire itself.

I blame this post on whoever posted "Post...don't Pop". Thank you.

Drained but clean Droopy

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