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Hi Hydro

It was good to read your latest post. Friend, I am not throwing stones at you when I post. We share addiction. I spiraled down so far at the end that I could barely think. When we are caught up in using and abusing, we still know somewhere in the back of our minds that something is really screwed up in what we are doing. It is just so easy to push those thoughts back down with another pill. Helps to keep our thoughts nice and confused and stuffed down.

When I first started to withdraw, I knew in my gut that if I did not finish the task, I would end up dead. Instinct was not my only clue. I finally had to face that my life had been reduced to barely functioning and being zonked on opiates and benzos. I began withdrawaing with my only thought being survival.

As time went on, I began to think a bit more beyond withdrawal. I started talking to my family doctor more and more. I saw him weekly for a long time. Then I began therapy with a licensed clinical social worker. It was intensive for a few months... twice a week And I found this board and began reading and posting. I read this board back soooo many pages... back a few years. I started taking in individual stories and found [U]hope[/U] in tbe stories of those who made it. I started to see and understand what some were doing that worked; I saw what some were doing that did not lead them out of addiction. Like you, I was not working and so I spent my time learning all I could.

It was work, Hydro, a lot of hard work. But you know what happened along the way? My mindset changed, slowly but surely. It changed from just surviving to wanting to live a happier, fuller life. When that mindset came into play, things just began to explode for me. My days were not a torment in withdrawal for me any longer. When the withdrawal symptoms hit, I was able to endure them and understand them as just steps that I had to get through to get off the narcotics completely, to reclaim my life, to get where I wanted to go. I didn't like them, but I began to look at them more practically. I began to see each symptom as one more step out of the way to getting to the life I wanted.

Even when the tapers finally ended, I still had much to do working on thinking, on my life and how I fit into some grander scheme of living. I [U]still[/U] work on that.. still seeing the social worker, although not as often. I am so much more balanced now, but still in aftercare. Aftercare for me now is not work on not using, but work on finding greater and greater balance in my life in all things. That is one of the greatest things about setting up a plan to detox and getting into sobriety and aftercare. It just naturally leads us to a mindset of wanting more and more of a full and happy life. The further I move along, the greater my desire is to go even farther. My desires are no longer just centered around being pill free... they are centered on finding trhe best in life and enjoying it, appreciating it, and being a part of it.

We are all works in progress, Hydro. Know that as you work to rid yourself of the hydro addiction, you are also working to find the life you are meant to lead. There is so much more to each of us here than just our addiction. However, we must get the addiction handled to let all those other parts develop.

Keep thinking, Hydro. Think and get a plan togeter that is workable for you and that includes aftercare. Life is waiting for you to become an active participant again. Happiness, true happiness is waiting for you. Claim it.

With hope

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