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Addiction & Recovery Message Board


Addiction & Recovery Board Index


Hello everyone, although I am not new to the board I have not been on for several years. Basically since I started taking Suboxone. I started out in 1996-1997 as a heroin/cocaine addict. Went on methadone and got pregnant. Tried to get off the methadone and withdrawals were so bad, got hooked on vicodens! I took 20-30 vicoden's a day for about 6 years, then in 2003 or 2004 I found Suboxone and I have been on it every since. Why was I on it for so long you ask? Well I had one doctor that I saw every month and was very understanding that he let me stay on it as long as i wasn't using anything else and I stayed at 2mg a day. Then I moved to phoenix and found a new doctor. He claimed to be an expert on suboxone and said I should stay on it for life. Please know that this doctor was NOT just taking my money. My insurance covered the minimal office fee of $50 and I applied and was accepted through the suboxone manufacturer for a year for free suboxone (30 8mg a month). Of course over time, my dose went up because it could, after all I was getting it for free. Then came 2008! Everything was fine until January 25, 2008 when an accident at work (I was a waitress) left me in the hospital for a week with a broken hip! I was given more pain medicine than you can imagine but the suboxone kept it from working. then I had to have another surgery and then 2 weeks ago another. In the meantime, about 3 months ago, I found out my "expert in suboxone" lost his license to practice medicine because he was already on probation with the medical board and he got caught taking provigil w/o a prescription. Well all of a sudden, bam...no suboxone doctor (manufacturer will only send suboxone to a doctor's office) all of a sudden I have no doctor to prescribe the suboxone! So I have decided to quit! I am sick and tired of worrying about where i'll get the next prescription. It's just as bad as vicoden! I just had a third operation on my hip. I hadn't taken suboxone for 3 weeks b/c I had prescription pain meds, but I was still having suboxone withdrawal the whole time. You know, no sleep, feeling so anxious, having weird paranoid thoughts all the time. Yesterday I ran out of pain meds and broke down and took just a little bit of Suboxone. It made feel sooooo much better. But I know how this story ends, so I know I can't take anymore.

I am sooooooooooo scared! I keep telling myself I can do this, but can I???? I have had a crutch for so many years how can I be completely clean now?? I DONT want to go back to taking Suboxone everyday! I want to start my life over and be free from this demon! But how??? There are so few threads about people that have completely become free of this drug!!!! I have 2 bottles of 30-8mg pills. Should I start a really slow, low dose taper? I just don't know what to do and I have know one to talk to about this.

Please I would really appreciate as much help and encouragement as everyone can give. I really want/need to do this, this time!!! I want to be free of this demon!:angel:





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