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Addiction & Recovery Message Board


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Hello everyone, although I am not new to the board I have not been on for several years. Basically since I started taking Suboxone. I started out in 1996-1997 as a heroin/cocaine addict. Went on methadone and got pregnant. Tried to get off the methadone and withdrawals were so bad, got hooked on vicodens! I took 20-30 vicoden's a day for about 6 years, then in 2003 or 2004 I found Suboxone and I have been on it every since. Why was I on it for so long you ask? Well I had one doctor that I saw every month and was very understanding that he let me stay on it as long as i wasn't using anything else and I stayed at 2mg a day. Then I moved to phoenix and found a new doctor. He claimed to be an expert on suboxone and said I should stay on it for life. Please know that this doctor was NOT just taking my money. My insurance covered the minimal office fee of $50 and I applied and was accepted through the suboxone manufacturer for a year for free suboxone (30 8mg a month). Of course over time, my dose went up because it could, after all I was getting it for free. Then came 2008! Everything was fine until January 25, 2008 when an accident at work (I was a waitress) left me in the hospital for a week with a broken hip! I was given more pain medicine than you can imagine but the suboxone kept it from working. then I had to have another surgery and then 2 weeks ago another. In the meantime, about 3 months ago, I found out my "expert in suboxone" lost his license to practice medicine because he was already on probation with the medical board and he got caught taking provigil w/o a prescription. Well all of a sudden, bam...no suboxone doctor (manufacturer will only send suboxone to a doctor's office) all of a sudden I have no doctor to prescribe the suboxone! So I have decided to quit! I am sick and tired of worrying about where i'll get the next prescription. It's just as bad as vicoden! I just had a third operation on my hip. I hadn't taken suboxone for 3 weeks b/c I had prescription pain meds, but I was still having suboxone withdrawal the whole time. You know, no sleep, feeling so anxious, having weird paranoid thoughts all the time. Yesterday I ran out of pain meds and broke down and took just a little bit of Suboxone. It made feel sooooo much better. But I know how this story ends, so I know I can't take anymore.

I am sooooooooooo scared! I keep telling myself I can do this, but can I???? I have had a crutch for so many years how can I be completely clean now?? I DONT want to go back to taking Suboxone everyday! I want to start my life over and be free from this demon! But how??? There are so few threads about people that have completely become free of this drug!!!! I have 2 bottles of 30-8mg pills. Should I start a really slow, low dose taper? I just don't know what to do and I have know one to talk to about this.

Please I would really appreciate as much help and encouragement as everyone can give. I really want/need to do this, this time!!! I want to be free of this demon!:angel:
Please believe me - YOU CAN DO IT. noone ever said it was gonna be easy. Talk to Reach. she did a long slow taper. SHE DID IT. and we can too.
Reach didnt do suboxone. But the discipline is the same. You have to have the discipline to do it.
spec... are you on sub? do you get high from it? i know that one of the pluses of sub for me is that it doesnt get me high. so it doesnt matter if i take 4 mg or 8 mg. in fact, if i take too much i get sick to my stomach.

there HAVE been people who have been on suboxone long term that have come off of it unscathed. i wish i could direct you to some day by day testimony, but i cant. so please take my word for it. if you do the taper very slowly and get down as low as .5 or .25 then start lengthening the time between doses the w/d will be so minimal that you wont miss a day of work.

i wish everyone luck. heck, i wish ME luck with this too. ITS HARD. But life for me right now is better than it was when i was using so i'll take this life anyday.

take care all !!!

Big Hugs from Cyberland !!!

Michelle





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