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Hello Emsmom

No, Honey, there is nothing at all wrong with wanting to be alone. Quite honestly, withdrawal is all about the self. We concentrate on the self so that eventually we can share ourselves again.

Friend, the week I began my own tapers, the initial cut was way too large and I went into full withdrawal. I often lay in my bed in a darkened room with my eyes closed because I could not bear the outside world at all. Other people being around in any way at all just added stress to the already most stressful thing I had ever endured. I wanted absolute quiet and no obligations to anyone or anything except myself. No, it is not the person I normally am, but in drastic circumstances, we have to do drastic things to survive.

I was probably the cleanest girl in town as I took 6-8 hot baths a day. I journaled short notes a lot about how I felt physically, about crying times, about what I was able to eat, etc. Those notes helped me to survive because I could see tiny amounts of progress and I clung to those.

When I finally leveled out to some degree, I began to force myself to venture to the window, venture to the back porch, force myself to comb my hair. And I wrote down every one of those baby steps and accepted that each one was bringing me an inch closer to restoring my brain, body and soul.

I think for me, Emsmom, sober thinking came long before my last pill. Of course, I tapered over the course of almost a year. However, once I began to understand that I very well could survive it all, once I leveled out and continued the taper in a slower manner, my brain fog lifted and the thinking began to change. I began to realize that if I could live with less and less drugs that I could ultimately live with no drugs. I read in your posts much sober thinking seeping into you. I was so proud of you that you recognized that thinking of your connections was an automatic thoughts and that you turned yourself elsewhere when it happened. That is how thinking changes! We teach the brain new responses to thoughts.

I know that as withdrawal sets in some crummy feelings and thoughts occur. It is all part of the process. I want you to know, really know, that it is all simply a part of the process. I feel so connected to what is occuring in you and I have no doubt that even if you are feeling crummy, you are making great progress.. huge strides in this battle. I know that it is hard to see, to feel, when we are in the midst of it, but please believe me when I write that from where I sit, I can see it clearly in you.

Holding your hand in spirit

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