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Addiction & Recovery Message Board

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Good morning Lisa,

You are not alone here :) There are alot of people in your position, or have been in your position before, so you'll get alot of help here.

You can do this! Have a chat with your doctor, don't be afraid, mosts doctors are aware of the problems with addiction.

I got a tear in my eye when I read that the tears were streaming down your face :( I was once in that exact position. I knew what I was doing, and I knew it had to stop but I didn't want to tell my doctor cause that meant I'd eventually have to taper down and discontinue the one thing that I really enjoyed doing. Well, I thought I enjoyed it - it ruined my life. I started out with percocet, just like you. When I hit rock bottom, I was taking 10 Oxycontin 80's per day! Thats 800mg of oxycodone IN ONE DAY. One percocet has 5mg, so if you do the math, I was taking the equivalent of 160 percocets a day.

I'm not saying you'll turn out like me. I'm just trying to show you how quickly it get out of hand. From the time I got my first script of 30 percocets, to the time I was taking 800mg, it had only been about 12 months.

Lisa, you can do this. You don't want to get any worse, do you? Take control now, talk to your doctor and figure out a way for you to taper down.

If you need advice, suggestions, encouragement...then you've come to the right place :) There are some really wonderful people on this board, people who will stand behind you and guide you through your journey to recovery.

With love and support,
emsmom (K)
Here I sit.....crying so hard.....with my hands over my face.....rocking back and forth.....tears dripping off my chin and reading your words of encouragement, caring and support...written to me...a person you don't even know.
I don't know what to say to you all, emsmom, jerry, and mariecan...I am at a real loss for words.

For the first time, in my addiction, I don't feel alone anymore. I don't feel like I carry this sick secret all by myself. You have made me feel like, for the first time, I can tell and share my hell... and my hatred for it.
I hate those pills.....they are killing me and I hate myself for not having control of them.....they have the control and I hate them.

To emsmom, jerry, and mariecan, I can hardly express to you how your caring words and support for me has made me feel inside. I have a feeling of hope. I have a feeling of other people, truly, caring about another human
I, honestly, beleived that I was the only person, in the world, that would ever take as many pills, as I do, at one time. It is a miracle that I sit in front of my computer.

I want you all to know how very greatful I am to have found you.
I beleive "you" is what I need and thank you for your warm and caring welcome to your board.

I want to share how I am feeling, with you, before I go.
I logged on to HealthBoards early this morning, for the first time, with no visible light at the end of the tunnel.
Today...I have hope. I can cry and I can share.

After crying all these tears and sharing my secret addiction with you, and I am not real sure why but it really does not matter, I feel so much better. :)
A big hug to you first of all. The question is now what? Did you call your doctor today?
Being honest with your physician can make all the difference. Please think about taking that leap. I know its scary. I really dont know what kind of pain your in but you can be honest with your doctor, tell him how you feel, how these pills are affecting you. As you read alot of life stories on this board you will find most people had very supportive doctors. Please think about it. I am very worried for you.
Keep us updated, we are right by your side.

PS- read dorskins journey- "off oxy 3 days" I just commented on his story so it should be close to the start.
hi lisa,

my name is kelly, i am a recovering alcoholic and i read the addiction and recovery boards and quite often. i know your drug of choice is not alcohol but addiction is addiction and we all are in the same battle so when i read your post ...i just had to reply and tell you, that i also will support you in any way i can!!!

this is a fantastic group of people that you have found here!!

i actually take norco 10/325 4-5 times a day for chronic i can kind of relate to the drugs....i think percocet is stronger than norco but anyway...i can see where it could be a problem if your not careful (me i mean) especially with my addiction history. have taken the first have admitted you are powerless over the drug...that was the hardest step for me, and you did it!!

did you get a chance to talk with your dr. yet?? i also went to an addictions counselor who was in recovery himself and he helped more than i could have ever imagined!!

keep is posted and let us know what we can do to help....the support and love and honesty one addict has for another has truly amazed me...we need you as much as you need us!!!!!

much love..and prayers....kelly
Hi Lisa,

It felt good to get it out, didn't it;)
I've never confessed to anyone, except for the people on these boards, of my addictive behavior. I have not been able to jump that hurdle and tell someone.

I'm sorry you are feeling so bad right now. Realizing you're an addict is hard and withdrawals - well you know how you feel. I hope the good cry helped. Just try to calm yourself down. Hot bath, cup of hot tea, plop your butt down in the most comfortable place in the house and massage your muscles.

You will feel better soon and kick this addiction. It can be very lonely trying to do this yourself. I hope you get some rest tonight and seek some help in the coming days.

Best wishes,

Hi Lisa, my name is Brandi and I'm a recovering addict of pain pills.. Lortab and Methadone. I know the fear and depression and the pain you are feeling.. you NEED TO KEEP POSTING.. your last post was scary.. how are you doing? Let us hear from you. There are quite a few options out there for people like us. Maybe one route you want to look into is Suboxone/Subutex. It saved me.

Let us know how you are!!

Ok so take a deep breath, there are alot of people in your shoes! You have taken the first step to recovery by admitting you have a problem. Great!!! Now get out the phone book and call a opiate addiction program. These people in these clinics are very supportive have counseling and can help you kick the habit. Nobody will judge you and it is completely confidential....Smile keep your chin up and make that call some opiate programs Aegis medical systems, Bi valley, BAART, these people can help!!!!!!!!!! Good Luck!!!! Smile everybody makes mistakes!!!!!!!!!!!!
HI Lisa! I just want to say how lucky I think you are for finding this board prior to choosing to quit. Just watching the others in here post the withdrawals, and what they have done to help get through it, may be a big help for you when you choose to say "I'm done".

Even though you think people don't know, I would probably bet they have some idea that you are different now then how you were in the past (prior to using Perc).

I am on Day 4 of my W/D, and though I say I'm done with Lortabs, its no guarantee. I totally understand your love hate relationship. Opiates are a fabulous killer of pain... Physically and Emotionally.

Feel free to contact me anytime if you need an online friend!

Good luck on your journey. ;)

I have been an alcoholic since age 18 - I am 51.I have a loving husband, 2 grown daughters, and a lot of people who love me.I have always been very responsible, a model employee, etc. I have tried the past year to quit - AA, herbal remedies, etc. I was sober for 2 weeks, then drank too much and got my first DUI.I finally decided to admit my addiction and told my parents, my close friends, my boss and the women in my Bible Study class at church what was going on.I was shocked at the love and support I received from everyone! It made it so much easier - you see, I was highly functining and people were shocked that I had any problems.I went to court and was sentenced to 4 days in the county jail. It was the worst 4 days of my life, but the best 4 days of my life because it saved my life. I have been sober for 28 days - may not seem like much, but it is the longest I have been sober for 3o years.It feels great to be able to remember what I actually did the night before, not to worry about someone finding my stash of booze, and not to have my husband angry with me for getting drunk. Once you get past the thought that you are not using again, your life will change drastically. But only when YOU decide to change will that change take place. I will hold you in my prayers and have my Bible Study class pray for you. I read a quote by Georg Elliott that siad " It is never too late to be who you might have been". I am going to go back to school <to change profession>.
I had the worst addiction to hydrocodiene.I am a straight A student that graduated with straight A's that year. was hooked from the first pill.I took in the upwards of 20 aday (Depending on the milligrams)I have never tried any other drugs but this got me for 10 hard years.I went to atleast 10 or more rehabs and nothing worked.I couldnt function without my pain pills.I thank God that its finally in my past. I also went to jail for calling in prescriptions for myself.I still cant believe that I did that.My liver shut down.I heard about Methadone alot but never tried it.Then I went to an opiate recovery progam and they put me on a low dose of methadone and for the first time ever, I have been a functioning memeber of society for three years.My life is great.Everybody loves to be around me now and I am slowly coming off of Methadone with no problems.I would never let them increase my medication like some people do and thats what helped me.I have heard horror stories abaout methadone but my story hasnt been a horror.Also Its thanks to God first that I have my life back and I will pray for you.:angel:
hi all -
just started reading this thread. Has anyone heard from Lisa? Lisa if you are reading this, i hope you are ok! your story really moved me and also made me worry and want to help. i posted a version of my update in another chain, but here is a lil bit of my story too....
I, too, have a mean percocet addiction of several years... 6 maybe? maybe more.. im also a chronic pain patient (im 35) due to migraines and degenerative disk disease and i fell into the trap of eventually taking them cause they feel good not just for my pain. I usually blow through my script like u... i get 150 of the perc 10/325 and they are gone in like 2 weeks and then when i actually need them for a pain situation, they are gone. it's no way to live.
i just got my week sober... but then injured my back. i actually waited a week, took no pills or anything and then finally got cortizone shots to help with the pain (and more so to help with the amount of pills i knew i'd have to take as the pain has just gotten worse). The past 3 days I have had to take a small amount of pills when the pain has just gotten to be too much so i can physically function (i am moving and am in the middle of packing). BUT i am actually controlling my intake cause i have finally had enough. And boy is it HARD to not take more than what i need for the pain, but i just have to keep my head on straight. for me, i reached a point where i had enough, it just clicked in my brain where i just felt sick of being sick and out of control. where i just need to be sober. you can give yourself that power back too sweetie. it's a hard road for sure, but it gets easier and surely ends up easier than the place you were in when you initially posted.

you sound like you have the desire too, to change things up. just fear is stopping you, which i'll bet everyone on this board has had to struggle with especially as they take those first steps. you are not alone. not at all. and you shouldn't feel ashamed. these things happen... and they can happen to good people, hon! so dont get down on yourself. none of us should.
I've also used coke while on pills (i dont think i've admitted that to the board yet)... i dont have an issue with it like what i have happening with the percs... but if im intoxicated, i'll do it and do it til it's gone. no matter how much is there. i try to avoid places where it is but the only thing that SUPER keeps that in check for me is my fiance who HATES coke and basically forbids me to do it... especially while i struggle with pills since that mix is so dangerous. i didn't like admitting that, but it does feel good. and i'm sure it will help with my recovery.
please post and let us know if you are ok. all of us struggle, have embarrassments, fall off the horse etc... but this board is really lovely because so many people care and will be there for you through and give you great advice. they have all been through it too, so you dont have to feel alone. sometimes when i feel alone or scared, i post or just read the board to help me focus on my goal. especially now while i try hard not to abuse my meds right now and stop them as soon as I can.
it's never too late to look back into that center you found, or to tell your doctor, or delete contacts from your phone so it's harder to get drugs. All this is easier said than done, but as you take these little steps things WILL get easier andn your steps will eventuallly grow larger and more confident. and that feeling (as cheesy as it sounds) is better than any drug... when you start to get back into the world again. that's a fantastic high, i promise. keep taking steps to get there.:)
if you can, let this board help give you some strength.
thinking of you! (sorry i rambled... looks like i needed to get some things off my chest too. :)
be safe
Addiction is a terrible disease - people who have never dealt with it do not understand it.I was a highly functioning alcoholic for32 years.I hid it well from everyone(except my family, WHO i HURT SO MANY TIMES BECAUSE OF IT).The day I was arrested for DUI I was almost 3 time over the limit.How easily I could have killed someone or myself. It was the best thing that ever happened to me - it forced me to deal with my alcoholism.
But you will find that once you are off the addictive substance for 30 days, you feel like a new person!And the funny thing is that you can not believe how good it feels to be sober! I always dreaded the thought of life without alcohol.
Now I wish I had stopped years ago.I am back in school and studying for Hospice nursing.
Get with your doctor- trust me, they have many cases like this and if you have a good doctor will do everything to help you. You can do this - we are are pulling for you and I am praying for you!YOU CAN DO IT

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