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WOW - Kemarus, that was quite a post. I so hope that Wis reads your history so she can get a picture of what can happen to the kids. They are always affected by these issues.

I can relate to the different phases we go through with this dreaded problem. It's like a grieving process. I've spent the last 25 years trying to do things better, to make him happy. My hurt turned to anger and now I really don't give a rat's a** what happens. I have stayed in the marriage because of our son and financial reasons. I never wanted to be the one that broke up the family even though it would have been because of him. Our son is 29 and has been living with this his entire life. Over the years the drinking was always present but in varying degrees. My husband is now 69 and retired. He plays golf in the morning, tennis all afternoon and starts drinking vodka about 4:30 and usually can't make it through his dinner. He passes out while eating and has even passed out on the commode! It's disgusting to watch. He says he is SO tired. We probaby only spend 30 minutes a day together, if that. He, too, gets a real attitude and has a horrible temper that terrifies me. For that reason I just keep my mouth shut. This isn't about me. If finances permitted, I would have been long gone. Fortunately, we have a winter home in Fla and I usually go down earlier so I can have some time to myself and regroup. Currently I am concerned about his heath but only to the extent that it will place me in the position of caregiver. I do try to understand that this is a disease and since his parents were alcoholics as well, maybe he didn't ask for this. He admitts to being a "heavy" drinker but says he can quit anytime but he really needs it to relax at night!:mad: I just can't imagine how a person can drink until you pass out EVERY night and not have it affect your body. I am noticing changes in him lately. In my opinion he is showing symtpoms of early dementia. He absolutely refuses to see a Dr. He cannot tolerate anyone telling hm what to do so it will have to be his idea.

I am happy to read that your husband is now dry and attending AA. That's a good start. I wish you well with the legal issues coming up. I guess that can be tough.

Venting on this board is extremely beneficial to me....I don't get any backlash for not getting myself together and out of the situation. That day may be coming. I don't feel like I can, nor do I want to live like this anymore. I've gotten to the point where I know this is affecting MY health and it's not worth dying over....Interestingly, my parents has issues with alcohol as did my brother who died from it and a sister who is a recovered alcoholic. I've never lived in a home where alcohol wasn't a problem. Not that it matters, but I don't drink and never have. Maybe that is why I am so intolerant. My only hope is that my son and nieces and nephew escape this. They are all bright and very aware how this can sneak up on you over the years.

I am slowly making a plan. I am moving money around and have made gentle hints to my son that I am not happy with this anymore. He sees it and since he is older now and out on his own I don't have the guilt I had when he was younger. His dad has done a lot for him financially to help him advance in his career and we even helped him purchase a home. For that, my son is extremely grateful and I think he'll feel sorry for him if he ends up alone. It's a tough call. Damned if you do and damned if you don't.... So, until the day comes when Ieventually "blow" I keep busy with my own interests and have learned not to expect anything from hubby.

Be strong and have a great day. :)

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