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Addiction & Recovery Message Board

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After reading many helpful threads on this site I decided to finally join and admit to someone, other than myself, that I need help. I'm serious about coming clean and don't want to start taking more than the 3 Vicodin a day that I already do. I don't like it!

Here is my story, I'll try to make it brief:

Five years ago I had minor surgery in which the dr. prescribed Vicodin 5/500 (generic) afterward for pain. I easily became hooked and have been taking 1-3 everyday since then. I continue to get scrips from my dr. for back pain and headaches. It sounds legit to him but I'm really not in that much pain.

Like many others, I get a burst of energy when I take 1 and they help me sleep at night. I space them out apprx. 5-6 hrs. each day. I do drink some alcohol 1-2 drinks 3 or 4 times a week. Usually hours after a pill. Rarely do I take a pill while I'm drinking. But yes, I've done it.

Some reasons why I'm here:

#1 I NEED to tell someone! I'm going crazy feeling like I'm a failure that I have to depend on these darn pills every day. I need help and support to try to get off them. Mostly, I'm scared to death of withdrawals. My fiance knows I take them but not every day. When he threatened, in jest, to take the bottle away, I silently panicked! How stupid is that?!!

#2 I want to know what I've done to my body since taking them for 5 years on a daily basis. I'm really concerned about that. (talk about an oxymoron...take drugs but worried about health) What have I done to my liver and kidneys? It scares me terribly but at the same time I can't stop. It's a vicious cycle but they're controlling my life. I'm constantly looking at the clock to see if it's been long enough to take another one. (I've never taken more than 3 in one day.)

#3 I've read the detox thread and plan on going by it. I need to set a date to slowly taper off. Is this the best way? I've tried countless times to cut back to 1/day. Then I can't sleep so I go back to 2 or 3.

I know there are others who take many more than I do. I sympathize in their addiction and struggle to stop. But am I looking at the same type of withdrawals? What can I expect?

I would really, really appreciate any advice. I think I've finally hit bottom and that's why I'm here. I've already cut off years of my life by smoking. I don't want to die from a little white pill.

Also, would it be wise to quit smoking at the same time as trying to stop the pills? I 'really' want to stop both!


A :confused:

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