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Addiction & Recovery Message Board

Addiction & Recovery Board Index

Hi Leigh9259,

I am also in love with a cocain addict, and I can honestly relate to what you are going through. My situation is similar, yet different in its own ways. I met my bf and I fell head over heels right away, we are so in love, we are moving in together, and we both agree that we have never felt this way about eachother before.
Its a bit different for me in that we were close before, and I knew that he sufferes from clinical depression, and I knew he is bi-polar. Only after we got really close and I realized how bad he was (when we met he was really sick and depressed) he opened up to me about his cocain addiction. Now, he is only 27, and hasn't been addicted for 20 years, but he has been in rehab, and detox many many times when we was younger. He was clean up until about a month ago, for years and years...But once his past relationship crumbled and his depression got real bad, he turned to drugs again. He is also addicted to pain killers, and prescription drugs.
The main thing is though, your fiancee HAS to be willing to change, he HAS to realize that your relationship will not work and you cannot be happy if hes an addict. In my case, my bf wants to get clean again, and where hes fought it before, he knows he can do it again.
I know people tell me ALL the time,my friends etc...He's no good for you, leave him, he's only going to drag you down. But the honest truth is he NEEDS ME. He needs my support, and he needs my help to get him through this, and help him get better. He's willing to change, and hes willing to get clean for us. I don't think he could handle me giving up on him.

It has came down to me having to throw his drugs out, its came down to me having to hide EVERY single drug (advil etc..) in my house, to the point where I cannot CANNOT keep anything in our house, but, if thats what he needs me to do, and if thats what I have to do to help him, I will.
The main thing is, do you love him enough to help and support him to get better? Because you cannot allow him to continually ruin his life...I cant say that "one day I will leave, but not yet", because one day he will be better, and be no longer addicted, and we can be happy.
You need a lot of patience, and he has to be willing to make changes.
My bf has been clean for 2 weeks now, 2 WHOLE WEEKS. Thats a huge, huge deal....He's been seeing a therapist everyday, going to cocain anoymous meetings, reading addiction books, hes really trying, and I know, without my help, and my support, he wouldnt be able to do it. He's already told me that if I never stuck around, and if i werent in his life, and if i LEFT him...hed become an addict again....To me, our love is worth this fight, no matter how long it takes for him to get better. Its all one step at a time,
I guess you need to talk to him and figure out if he's willing to change his life for you and him and your relationship...make him get help.

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