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Addiction & Recovery Message Board


Addiction & Recovery Board Index


Hello everybody

I havent visited this site in over a year; I had to be certain I could finally declare victory over this insidious chemical that owned me. I was a recreational drug user (mainly marijuana) when I first discovered OC in 2000. Of course it was total bliss; in 2004 after having spinal fusion surgery I didnt complain when I entered a Pain Mgmt program. I developed a 40MG a day addiction quickly and would become quite sick when I ran out early; I remember thinking my addiction was getting out of control. Little did I know what the future would hold.

Fast forward to 2008; my addiction now consisted of 500+ mg of Oxycodone each & every day. Every day I would eat 6 30MG Roxicodone tablets before work, 3 more for my morning snack, 6 after work and 3 for the evening. To say I was out of control was a gross understatement; in retrospect Im not sure how I lived thru it. The last 6 months were the worst period of my addiction; I would sometimes drop 240MG at once to try to get high without success. In short I was in misery with or without it. I was blowing thru 300 pills in less than 3 weeks!

Amazingly I was always able to BS my Doctor into filling the script; I cannot tell you how many spinal injections and nerve burning procedures I faked needing just to get more pills (The pain from my surgery had left a long time ago-it was all about OC by then) I cannot recall how many times I ran out early and suffered thru wicked withdrawals.

I was so desperate by March of this year; I had lost ALL hope of ever getting free. I was so tired of the monthly drama of running out; I tried so many things to cut back (Bought and broke multiple safes after having my wife lock them up to "ration" me off them) Finally after being warned by my Pain clinic I was pushing things and still not being able to control things I pulled the plug and tried Suboxone.

Though I was VERY sick the first few days I was on sub it still allowed me to return to work after missing only 1 week; from there everything got better. Dont get me wrong I still thought of OC however the memories werent fond; I wasnt missing the high as that had faded so long ago; I just remembered the fear and desperation and the fact I was absolutely owned.

I may be in the minority however I had absolutley no problem quitting suboxone though I stayed on it for almost 7 months. I guess it was easy to me to taper as it never gave me any type of a high; to me OC was incredibly mentally addcitive so I absolutely craved the high. After so long of being on it it just became a burden.

The main benefit of sub though was allowing me to return to a semi-normal state of mind within a week; I truly believe with the size of my addiction going cold turkey wasnt an option. Im so lucky in so many respects as I was able to hang on to my wife and career (barely) Im also fortunate I only took straight Oxycodone without acetimenophen (spelling?) I still have a hard time believing my daily intake was = to 100 5MG percocet in terms of OC content.

I also feel like I had to reach a state of utter misery before I decided to do something about it; even though I knew what I was doing to myself I just couldnt taper off (If you have a large supply at your disposal you cannot taper off IMO) Another positive thing was the fact I cut off my only supply by dropping the pain clinic (Im a 40 something professional with no contacts)

Its just amazing what your tolerance can turn into and how quickly you lose control. To those of you who find yourself where I was dont give up; I hope you can find the willpower to quit by yourself. If you cant dont be ashamed; I tried everything I could however it just isnt an easy thing to beat. Another thing I discovered is unless you have been there its hard for people to relate to what you are going thru.

Best of luck to those of you trying to be free; I promise you it can be done (When YOU have finally had enough-only you can take the first step......................God Bless Dry





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