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Addiction & Recovery Message Board

Addiction & Recovery Board Index

I don't know what to do. I'm a father of 2 beautiful boys, and I have a wonderful wife. I've been addicted to Oxycontin for almost 2 years now, but have used PK's for 5. I want to stop, I have to stop before I lose everything. I want to stop for my boys, my wife, my sanity. I just don't know what to do.

It all started years ago with random injuries. I abused lortabs and percocet. I have no prescription and my addiction costs me thousands of dollars a month. I see no end in sight. I fear that I won't be able to get anything, as i'm down to one more 80mg tablet.

I started injecting this week for the first time. I can't get it out of my head, it's like a bad dream... all day I think about the moment and can't wait until I can get back to my hotel room and go through the process. By the morning i'm damn near suicidal, i'm beside myself. No one on this earth even knows that I have a problem except my dealer. I'm living my own private hell with no one to talk to and no one to help me get out of this pain.

A year and a half ago I told my wife about my problem, she helped me through the withdrawals, but a month later I was back on them. She has no idea, and I fear if I tell her it may cost me my marriage. More than anything I don't want her to know my pain, because she has too much to worry about anyways. My 3 year old prays for me every night. He blesses daddy and his problems... my wife thinks it's cute, but she doesn't know that I asked him to do that for additional motivation. I hate this. I feel like I can't even play with my boys without the drugs. I fear I won't have the energy.

Please help in any way. What do I do? I want to be rid of this addiction forever, the pain is unbearable. It's as if I wasn't around my boys would be better off.

Damnit all to hell, please help.

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