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Addiction & Recovery Message Board

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I am a 36 year old mother of three...wife to a terrific husband and a laywer to MANY!
I spend my days now...lost & scared!
I have been addicted to vicodin for OVER 5 years...started for REAL reasons now is just a habit for a "high".
I guess now that I am chasing the 2 pills a day with vodka to get through the evenings..I now know how broken I am.
I don't know where to turn...I don't know how to stop...I don't know who I am...ANYMORE!
I want more than ANYTHING to find ME again...1 pill left...I know that what is about to happen to me will FOREVER change our ofcourse they are clueless!
I have read these boards for months...all the while still certain that I have pills hidden in my closet and vodka stashed to chase them with.
What can I do to ease the withdrawl and get ME back?
Welcome Colorado,

Reading your post made chills run up and down my spine. I swear.. Every new introduction does that to me because I remember how scared I was when I first posted.. I remember reading (lurking) for months and then finally having the courage to post. SO WELCOME.

I am so sorry to hear all of that. I know how you are feeling.. It's a living nightmare but... YOU CAN DO THIS.. Let me tell you why.. I may not know you but reading your post gives me some sort of idea who you are/used to be. Number 1 you said you are married to a terrific husband.. That alone tells me you had to be one heck of a catch in the first place to land this guy! Number 2 you are an attorney! I am sure the struggle you went thru to reach that profession was no small one so that alone tells me you have commitment, determination and dedocation! So... all in all, I am going to go on a limb and say with out even knowing you that I KNOW you can do this! Plus, you are a Mother to 3 children.. That again.. Not an easy job. I know the pills and vodka took away thoughts of how we used to be but that does not mean the person we used to be is gone forever. They were just hiding for a while.

You can get her back! I will help you in any way I can. I am not 57 days sober and I NEVER thought in a million years I was going to make it this far.. Now that I have.. I KNOW what I am truly made of and i am proud of myself!

Are you going to speak to your husband about this? I was to big of a coward to tell mine so I am not judging you by any means.. The w/d that are to come of course are going to be miserable but you WILL get thru them.. Check out the "Sample home detox" at the home page to this board and it will give you some good idea's..

You will be in my thoughts and prayers and I will check in right away Monday to see how you are doing. Hang in there..... you are NOT ALONE.

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