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Addiction & Recovery Message Board


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Re: Am I addicted
Jan 5, 2009
Hi Rolex!!!!! I do understand your concern about taking pain pills. I am going to tell you my story and where I am at today. I hope it doesn't get banned as I am very frustrated. I have been living with Chronic Pain for approx. 9 years now. I have had Chronic Neck Pain going down into my neck and shoulders and never goes away it doesn't matter which meds. I take. In the year 2002 I had neck surgery, a fusion and dysectomy. They fused 2 cadaveur bones in C5/6 & C6/7 with titanium pins and plates. After the surgery I could feel the exact same pain and headache that I had had for approx. 5 years or more by now. It was a terrible operation to go through to find out after all that, that it is "fibromyalgia" diagnosed by a rheumatologist and of course they don't know where the pain is coming from. It goes around from my neck under my eyes into my ears. I have also been told that I have TMJ, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Myofascial Pain, Epstein Barr Virus , CMV, and now Fibromyalgia. Like you after the operation the neurosurgeon gave me morphine and percocet in the hospital. After about 3 weeks he changed me from Percocet to Vicoden which I took and knew it was just masking the pain. The Vicodin didn't work too well and I was not taking a lot just what the doctor prescribed maybe 3 times a day and ambien for sleeping at night. I also went through the same things, The Pain Clinic, having the nerves burnt (killed). That worked for a while but still didn't take all the pain away, had botox injections, steroid shots, cortizone shots. etc. etc. went to physical therapy, st. johns neuromuscular therapy, sacral cranial therapy, etc. etc. believe me there is a lot more. My family doctor knew I was suffering so he started me on oxycodone also then starting giving me Xanax. I was also given a prescription for "dilotid" by a maxillial facial specialist which I didn't feel right in taking. The doctor said I could take it for the rest of my life just like at the sleep clinic they said I could stay on ambien forever. I have to shorten this or nobody will read it. I am going to jump ahead to Sept. 3, 2008 with the help of my family I ended up checking my self into a hospital here in Michigan. I had to go through and "addictionologist" to get put in the hospital. Of course I was checking myself into an addiction clinic. They say they couldn't find anything physically wrong with me. I had a large bag with over 300 vicodin in it that my doctor had prescribed for me and bottles of all other kinds of drugs that my doctor had given me that hadn't worked plus the xanax hydrocodone and vicoden. I begged him to put me in the clinic. He told me at that time I was "mentally ill". I went into the clinic and the first night was the worst night of my life. I was the only one in the ward and I screamed and cried out all night for help. It was really really bad. They would check you every hour or so to see if you were still breathing. And then the next day they gave me the "suboxone". You hardly go through any withdrawl after taking that because your brain tells you that you are still on opiates so you almost feel like you have been feeling. Sorry again, this is long. Was I addicted, yes I was addicted very much so. I like yourself was on a very strict regiment and never ever took an extra pill but followed doctor's orders to a fault. I have been on suboxone for 4 months. My doctor has been weaning me off of it slowly and I went down to 1/4 of a pill and then finally an eighths. I was only on one sub a day. I finally decided to stop the suboxone after taking (the little crumbs that were left) and then off. I am off of suboxone now. This is my 6th day of withdrawl. I do not want to sugar coat it, I want to tell the truth. I have never felt so bad in my life. I can't sleep, not even a wink, I am figity, anxious, depressed, I can't relax or sit still, I feel like total crap. I don't know what to do, I have to think about the light at the end of the tunnel. Now I am not on any painkillers or no suboxone and the pain from my neck and shoulders is back fiercefully and I am not doing very well. I am trying to keep myself busy but it keeps on coming through. I know this hasn't helped answer your question but I took the pain pills exactly like you. Hope this helps. Lyn in Michigan





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