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Addiction & Recovery Message Board

Addiction & Recovery Board Index

I think I am writing this more for myself than anything...I have been taking 2-3 vicodin a day for about 2 years. I am a wife and mother and have a great life. There is no reason in the world that I should be jeopardizing my health and family this way. As soon as I get home from work the first thing I do is take 1 1/2 pills. Then a couple of hours later I take another one. I like the feeling of relaxation and a little detachment that I feel when I take them. I am now afraid of withdrawal if I stop taking them. I don't know if I am being excessive or not. Obviously, I know that I have developed an addiction but when I read the other posts it seems like people take alot more than me and their life is really impaired in some way. My own husband cannot even tell when I take I wonder if maybe I'm not overdoing it too badly...I know I am trying to justify and rationalize but my problem is that I LIKE the feeling these pills give me. I know that it is wrong and destructive but relatively speaking, am I really overdoing it with only 2-3 pills a night? I know the answer. I just wanted to vent. I guess I am starting to worry about this. My family means more to me than anything and I guess I just wish I could smoke and take vicodin AND not have doesn't work that way, does it??
If you read this thank you.
Hey Quin,

Welcome! You came to the right place. Thank you for sharing.

To answer your question.. Yes, you should worry to be honest and I say that with the utmost respect. I remember like it was yesterday being in your same position. I remember when I took only 2 vicodin a night and like Reach said... 2 turns into 3 to 4 to 5 and usually like for most of us.. MANY more. I completely understand the "good" feelings you talk about after taking a couple pills... Not too long ago I lived for that feeling... But what happens is the strength of those meds gets weaker and weaker after time as your tolerance to them grows and from there I chased that high and kept chasing it until I knew if I didn't stop NOW I would be in for big time trouble. The lengths a person goes to when they want more pills is shameful really.. I lied and came up with excuse after excuse when my meds needed to be filed WAY sooner than they were supposed to. Looking back I can't believe I said and did some of the things I did to get my "fix".

You are not a bad person and nor I am for trying to deal with life with a pill, however, I promise you it leads to bad things. I cant express to you enough how much I wish I could turn the clock back and deal with my feelings in a much healthier way than popping some pills. I now know I took pills to try and dull the pain I felt in my heart and deal with the stress of life.

As for with withdrawal you fear of facing. Really with what you are taking it should not be that bad compared to the withdrawel you would face if you took more than what you currently do. However, I would tell you that you dont want to put it off because the longer you wait and the more meds you self medicate yourself with will only make that process a lot harder to deal with. I suffered greatly ( In the end I was taking 2 20mg oxyontin a day along with 3-10 percoset) when I finally decided it was time for me to be done and so have many others.

I really hope you can find the strength to take control of this situation now before it gets any worse. We will be here to support you so you will not feel competely alone. My husband never knew either when I was recreationally using pain meds.. It was easy for me to hide but I now know the damage it caused to me mentally. Because I let it get as out of hand as I did... I now deal with the aftermath. I know have to daily fight the cravings... I now have to struggle with my addiction and never in a million years would I have thought I would EVER be in this boat. However, I am very proud of what I have done to make a bad situation good. I am very proud of myself and I have not felt that way since I started abusing my meds.

You CAN do this and I really hope you stick around and let us get to know you a little better.

You will be in my thoughts and my prayers.. I too will tell you to read read read the posts on this site because the more you read.. the more you will understand where the road you are on will lead.

Take care and God Bless!
~Secrets :wave:

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